Finding Middle Ground

If you and your partner have different spending habits, then it’s going to help you get on the same page when it comes to your finances. However, if one of you is the spender and one of you is the saver, then you can expect problems. You don’t have to change your ways entirely but rather try to see your finances from the other perspective and work on coming to a middle ground.

Work Towards the Same Goals

Having a list of different things you want can help you get to the same goal and work as a team. Even if you do not make an income, you can help by reducing your spending load. Make a list of the different things that you want in the near and distant future and keep these goals in mind every day.

Balance Play and Save

All save and no play makes you a dull mummy! So decide on a certain amount of income that will go towards ‘play’, whether this is used to go out for dinner, to get ice cream, to see a movie or to go on holiday. 5 to 10 percent of your income is a good number to play with.

Understand Your Core Values

Another reason why you and your partner may argue about money is because you don’t understand the values behind your spending and saving habits. Values are things that matter to you, such as freedom, friendship, family and love. Talk about your core values and what each of these things means to you. By doing this you may have a better understanding of your money habits and what is driving their financial behaviour. For example, your husband may be an extreme saver but why is this? What is driving his frugalness? It could be because he is saving for the kid’s future or it could be because this is how he was brought up. Try to understand where he is coming from to help you see his point of view.

Make a Wish List

It is okay to dream. Share your wish list with your family and work together to reach these goals. Ask your kids to also create a realistic wish list.

Think on a Small Scale

Are you finding that you are running out of funds by the end of the month or that you are not able to put anything away after paying all the bills? This is a common problem in families and often it is best to tackle the issue by pulling the problem apart. Let’s say, for example, that you want to save an extra $1000 this year to put towards an emergency account. Break this down – $1000 a year is $120 per month or just $2.75 each day. Aim at saving $2.75 per day and you will be surprised at how easy it can be.

Visualise

Many people need a visual reminder of their progress. If hoarding your money in a bank account isn’t working for you, then invest in something else.  For example, having a jar hidden in your bedroom where you can add money every day can help you stay on track. You won’t be accumulating interest but sometimes a visual reminder can give you the incentive you need to save, not spend.

The post How to Prevent Financial Fighting appeared first on Stay at Home Mum - Survive and Thrive on One Wage.

Ingredients

• 2 ripe pears peeled and grated
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• ½ cup Sultanas or dates
• 2 cups of raw cashews or any other nut (macadamias, hazelnuts and almonds all work great and taste delicious) or about 1½  cup of prepared nut meal.
• 2 tablespoons gluten free baking powder
• 3 eggs
• 2 tablespoons Maple Syrup or more to taste
• Tablespoon 1 heaped Vanilla powder (powder is best for sensitive tummies but you could use vanilla paste or extract also)
• 1tablespoon olive oil or coconut oil

Pre-heat oven to 180C and spray muffin tray with cooking oil

Add nuts with cinnamon and baking powder into a dry food processor (or good blender) and blend on high until resembles crumbs and is climbing up walls of processor, it should finish up looking like bought almond meal.

Add eggs, maple syrup, oil and vanilla and mix again until combined in wet runny mixture.

Fold fruit through mixture and spoon mixture into oiled muffin tray.

Bake at 180C for 25 minutes or until lightly browned on top.

Use knife to loosen muffins from tray and carefully move to wire rack to cool.

Recipe Hints and Tips:

• Pear and Maple Syrup Muffins are suitable for freezing for up to 2 months.
  

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Breastfeeding Prevents Pregnancy

It’s true that prolactin, the same hormone that produces breast milk, suppresses ovulation, and without an egg, you cannot get pregnant. But the circumstances have to be incredibly accurate and most women are not able to read their own hormone levels so accurately that they can determine whether they are producing sufficient amounts of prolactin. Your baby needs to be under 6 months old, you can’t have restarted your period and your baby must be getting 90% of their nutrition from your breast milk (no less than 6 feeds per day). Gynaecologists do not recommend women use this method because the slightest change in breastfeeding routines, ie you’re ill, your baby is ill etc, can alter everything and all bets are off!

You Can’t Get Pregnant if you’re Using Contraception.

OK, so the whole point of using birth control is to prevent pregnancy, but no birth control method, apart from abstinence, is 100% effective. Most unplanned pregnancies occur because women, or men, have not used the birth control “perfectly”, consistently and correctly. Everybody knows somebody who knows somebody who got pregnant after having their tubes tied, or after hubby got the snip, there are even documented cases of women getting pregnant after hysterectomies! The better you are at using your contraceptive method in the exact way it was intended, the more chance you have of remaining baby-free; but keep in mind that even that 0.01% chance could happen the next time you think “she’ll be right!”

Douching, Showering, or Bathing Can Prevent Pregnancy

Douching (a fancy word for splashing or squirting water up your lady bits) is not an effective method of birth control as it is impossible to douche fast enough to keep sperm away from fertilizing an egg. Urinating or taking a bath or shower will also not wash sperm out. There is a (disturbing!) theory that douching with Coke is supposed to kill sperm; although this is true, it is not recommended as it can cause harm to the reproductive track.

A Female Can’t Get Pregnant if the Male “Pulls Out” Before He Ejaculates

 If I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard this one! Withdrawal or “pulling out” is not a reliable method, and there are several reasons for this. An aroused male can pre-ejaculate up to 300,000 sperm before the rest of the soldiers arrive for the party, and it only takes one of these suckers to fertilise an egg. There is also the risk he wont pull out in time or that he will ejaculate around the vagina meaning those Olympic swimming sperm can freestyle their way back up! Bottom line, withdrawal is only effective if done perfectly, and this is extremely hard (no pun intended!) to do!

Condoms are for guys and can be replaced with other latex or plastic objects

OK, lets get this straight. The only substitute for a condom is another condom. Not glad-wrap, balloons or any other latex or plastic stretchy covering you can find. Traditionally, condoms have been the man’s responsibility, usually due to the belief that because they wear them, they buy them. But several companies now make condoms for women now too.  Female condoms can be inserted up to eight hours before sex, and they’re a great option if your guy is not happy about wearing condoms or is not particularly reliable in putting them on.  Male and female condoms are the only form of birth control that protects against sexually transmitted disease, but not 100% against pregnancy.

A Female Can’t Get Pregnant if She Has Sex During Her Period

Many women (and men) believe this myth. It is possible for a female to get pregnant at any time during her menstrual cycle. Generally, when you are having your period, it means that you are not ovulating. If this is the case, then you will not get pregnant. However, females with irregular or shorter cycles can actually ovulate during their period because it is not guaranteed that you will ovulate mid-cycle. Sperm can live inside a woman’s body for up to 5 days, so if you ovulate anytime within 7 days of having unprotected sex, you could become pregnant.

Spermicides are reliable on their own.

Typically, spermicide is a chemical agent used to kill, or significantly slow down the motility of sperm. It is not particularly popular as it is quite messy, can be irritating and its effectiveness on its own is quite low. As a side note, home-made spermicides, such as toothpaste or soft drink, are completely ineffective and will only end up making a huge mess and a very sticky situation!

Standing Up + No Orgasm  = No Pregnancy

Not only does this sound uncomfortable and unsatisfying, it is completely untrue. The theory is that the sperm find it too hard to swim “upwards” when you are standing up, and the absence of muscle contractions caused by orgasm makes it even harder to move the sperm towards the egg. But, as previously mentioned, just one little swimmer needs to be strong enough to get up there. Pleasure and position have nothing to do with birth control!

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Women’s Clothing

Ebay, Vinnies and all second hand stores are a terrific place to pick up second hand clothing. Often you can find items with the tags still on, or designer items.  There are even vintage designer stores around Australia that sell on a consignment basis.

Baby Clothing

Babies grow so incredibly fast that you may find that you are only using each outfit once or twice. Even if your baby wears the outfit several times, there is no reason why every single thing has to be brand new. Buying baby basics new, such as bibs, tops and socks may be a good idea as these things often wear out and will be thrown away; however, any other items, from swaddles to sleepers, from swimmers to shirts, can be found second hand and bought for a fraction of the price. You can get bags filled with clothes for next to nothing.

A good idea it to set up a ‘swap group’ with your friends and family that have babies.  Passing on laundered, good quality items to the group ensures everyone saves money.

Children’s Toys

You can also find children’s toys, games, bikes, etc. second hand for a much lower price. This includes all big ticket items such as jumpers, bouncers, walkers, trikes, motorcycles, bikes, water play tables, etc. Usually the toys are in good enough condition that a simple wash is all it takes. You can expect to pay less than 50 percent for larger toys and activity centres for children. For example, a Jumperoo new is around $200.00; second hand you should be able to walk away with one for around $50.00.

Some toys should not be bought second hand.  These include baby toys (that have been in baby’s mouth), soft toys, broken toys and anything that could possibly be dangerous (such as toys painted with lead paint).

Exercise Equipment

We’ve all had that intention to get into shape. So take advantage of the many people that’s best laid plans have gone astray and bag a bargain on used (or most likely barely used) exercise equipment. Exercise equipment is bulky and a huge dust collector and thus you can expect to get a good deal as most people just want the items gone. Have a look at these items before you buy and bring your best negotiation face as well.  A good place to pick up second hand exercise equipment is your local paper, Ebay and Gumtree.

Baby Furniture

Second hand baby furniture stores are everywhere. After all, babies grow into little toddlers pretty quickly and thus there is no need for that designer change table and cot set. So while it can be fun to swoon at the overpriced baby set ups at the designer shops, shop with your eyes, not your wallet and check online for the same barely used products for half the price or less.  Just check for sturdiness and that the furniture meets with the guidelines in your country.

Where to Shop?

Shopping second hand can be overwhelming if you have never done it before. There are several different ways you can do it. You can start online and look through sites such as:

• Gumtree
• The Trading Post
• Facebook Swap Pages
• eBay

You may need to do some phone calling, investigating and driving around to find the items you want. You can also shop at second hand shops such as Vinnie’s or the Salvos. Many towns will also have second hand baby shops or pre-loved shops which can also provide you with a bargain.

The good thing about shopping second hand and buying from private owners is that often you can make a deal and offer them a little less than what they want. If you love a bargain and love to bargain, then second hand shopping was made for you!

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*“Thermomix” is a registered trade mark of Vorwerk International AG (Vorwerk) in Australia & New Zealand and Thermomix in Australia Pty Ltd (Thermomix in Australia) is its authorised user and exclusive distributor in Australia and New Zealand of Thermomix products. Neither company supports, authorises or endorses this site.

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Language

The first thing a child picks up on is the spoken word. As some of us have a mouth like a drunken sailor on a weekend pass, we need to watch what we say. The last thing you need is for little Timmy to be teaching the school principle words they’ve never heard of before.

Manners

What father doesn’t belch or pass gas around the house? Although we like to feel comfortable in our own home, using words like “excuse me” or “pardon me” could go a long way to teaching children that they need manners should the inevitable happen. Explanations such as, “Did you see that elephant?” or “hallelujah!” doesn’t seem to fit the situation.

Sportsmanship

We want our children to have sportsmanship when they play sports. Promoting sayings like, “It’s not whether you win or lose, but it is how you play the game” doesn’t need to be followed by, “then why do we keep score?” Although dads know deep down that the true reason of playing is to win, we should teach our children to be gracious winners and losers.

Respect

While you may have grown up in a home that disrespected women or minorities, that is not something that you want to pass on to your kiddies. Remember to keep a tight rein on what you say. Even off coloured jokes can be a bad influence for younger kids and can change the way they think about respecting others.

Lying

Even small lies to your boss about being sick can be detrimental to your child’s growth. As they see you do it, they could think it’s OK as long as it’s not important or an emergency.
Whether it is inappropriate behaviours or uncouth habits, we need to watch what we do and say around children. Like a macaw with a new word, the child will imitate us to the fullest of their own miniature abilities. Although sometimes it could be considered cute or funny, we don’t want them emulating behaviours that can get them kicked off the playground.

Paul and his wife Julie both spend quite a bit of time coming up with ideas, blogging, and researching all things related to childcare. Their website “www.babysittingjobs.com” holds a wealth of information for those looking for babysitters.

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The New Age Birth Control Pill

The birth control pill has been around since the 60’s, but soon a new type of pill will be released in Australia called Seasonale that not only prevents pregnancy but also prevents periods as well. Seasonale is an extended birth control pill that allows you to only have four periods a year. If you suffer from painful menstruation, then this could be the answer you are looking for. However, Seasonale does come with the same side effects as other oral contraceptives including an increased risk of blood clotting and weight gain.  You may also experience break through bleeding and a higher exposure to hormones in the drug.

The Permanent Birth Control Method

If you and your hubby are done with the baby making business but don’t want to go down the traditional tubes tying or snip snip methods, then you can look into Essure. Essure is a nonsurgical way to prevent pregnancy. It is a flexible device called a micro insert that is inserted into the fallopian tubes to block fertilization from sperm. You can expect some discomfort but you will generally feel fine after a day or two. However, you may experience light bleeding and studies have only proven its effectiveness for up to three years as it is relatively new. Furthermore, there is a one in seven chance that the procedure may not be effective.

The Easy Option Diaphragm

The diaphragm or cervical cap is another popular form of birth control but can be hard to master. The Lea Shield is a newer version that is very user friendly and prevents sperm from entering your cervix. The shield can be inserted before sex and should be left in place for eight hours after. The Lea Shield comes with a loop to help with insertion and removal but it is fairly new and thus there are not a lot of conclusive results in terms of its effectiveness.

The Patch, the Ring and the Injection

Another option you have is the Ortho Evra Contraceptive Patch. You will wear the patch on your body for three weeks and then remove it for one week to allow for your menstrual period. If you hate the idea of swallowing a pill every day (and can’t seem to remember to do it) then this method of birth control offers a great alternative.

Or, you may be more comfortable with a Vaginal Ring in place, which will need to be inserted every month; however, you can do the procedure at home rather than at your doctor’s office. The vaginal ring, known as the NuvaRing, sits in the vagina and releases synthetic hormones to ‘trick’ your body in the same way oral contraceptive works.

You may prefer to go with an injection such as the Lunelle Injection, which requires you to visit a doctor every month for a shot. The good thing is that you only have to remember one doctor appointment each month rather than remember to take a pill every day but many busy mums have a hard time actually getting to the doctor’s office in between school drop offs, work, groceries and other errands.

For more information about these types of birth control, please speak to your GP or gynaecologist. Or try calling a health hotline for more information  http://www.stayathomemum.com.au/my-kids/babies/important-hotlines-websites/

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Choose the vegetables that you like from the list below and slice finely.

Vegetable Options:

• medium sized zucchinis sliced thinly
• eggplant
• carrots
• red onion
• capsicum
• broccoli
• beans

Tempura Batter

Ingredients

• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup iced water
• 1 cup plain flour
• vegetable oil (for deep frying)
• salt and pepper to taste

Cut the vegetables into long thin strips. Set aside.  Whisk together the plain flour, egg and iced water. Heat vegetable oil on stovetop and very carefully check the heat by dropping a small amount of batter into the oil. If the batter sizzles, cooks and starts to float, the oil is hot enough.

Dip the vegetables in the batter mix, and transfer quickly to the oil. If you let too much batter drip off there will be none left on the vegetable. When batter turns golden brown and vegetable starts to float, use a pair of tongs or a steel strainer ladle to remove the tempura from the oil.

Drain on paper towel and season with salt and pepper.

Recipe Hints and Tips:

• Vegetable Tempura is not suitable for freezing
  

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Disasters for me are rare and normally limited to disgruntled team members or the wrong biscuits being put in the office biscuit tin. I get home after another 40 minutes or so on a quiet bus, reading more blogs and playing more games before walking into the accurately named “witching hour” when our nearly three year old has run out of enthusiasm for abiding by rules and our 9 week old is just… plain… cranky…

As I was bathing my slippery, hyperactive toddler the other night I looked over at my wife and saw that look of fatigue that I am sure only stay at home parents of toddlers and babies can muster. The one that’s a combination of “I’ve forgotten what sleep feels like” and “I’ve lost the will to give a shit” with a bit of “yes, these ARE the same clothes I woke up in!” thrown in for good measure.

The look got me pondering how very, very different life as a stay at home parent is from that of a full time working partner. Needless to say my wife caught me pondering and reminded me that part of bathing a toddler is keeping more water in the bath than on the floor but later that night we sat down and discussed the reasons that being a stay at home mum is not like having an office job

My Office has HR. SAHM’s have time out. HR works.

Just try telling a child that their behaviour may result in file note!  Yes, in an office there’s a standard, understood way of handling disputes which is rarely used because a majority of people follow the rules. In our house there’s the timeout spot and the timer and the first, second, third… fifteenth reminder that something is not allowed.

Tantrums are (generally) frowned upon in offices.

Co-workers generally don’t respond to bad news (“sorry, we’ve run out of the nice tea bags”) by throwing themselves down of the floor, pounding their hands and feet into the carpet and screaming like a banshee. I don’t spend a lot of time wiping snot from hyperventilating team members and I’ve never had to stop everyone looking at me by giving an employee a biscuit to silence them screaming.

Tired? Bored? Lonely? Call a meeting!

Every office worker has been guilty of this one, breaking up the day with a few meetings that achieve little more than a catch up on what you all did on the weekend. My job allows to me to schedule lots of these “meetings” as well as time to catch up on emails (Facebook), read documents (online news site) and answer messages (twitter). My wife however, with two kids under three struggles to answer a text message within 6 hours of sending and can easily go a week without watching the news.

Even if I am talking to the most boring person in the office about the most boring subject known to mankind. I’m still talking to a grown up.

“Can you take that fairy wand out of your ear please”?

“why mummy”

“because you could trip and hurt yourself”

“why mummy”

“just take it out please”

“I’ll be careful mummy”

“that’s not the point… just take the wand out of your….” and so on and so on and so on

Bored work colleagues will generally refer to point 3

At no point in my working day do I have to think of the next activity to do for 5 minutes to entertain a hyperactive nearly three year old, only to get all equipment out for said activity to find her in the bathroom smearing ridiculously expensive moisturiser through her hair.

The list isn’t exhaustive. What it does do is remind me that no matter how stressful my day might have been, no matter how hard my trip home on the bus was or how much my colleagues may have annoyed me, someone else has put in a pretty big day… again.

Kevin works full time, is husband to a SAHM mum and Dad to two beautiful girls. He started writing his blog The Illiterate Infant at a work function thinking he was the first Dad to ever consider blogging. He soon found he was wrong and now finds himself an integral part of the newly thriving Australian Daddy Blogging community. Kevin’s blog is a generally humorous perspective on the adventure that is, having kids.

Kevin can be reached via The Illiterate Infant, its Facebook Page or twitter (@notreadbooks)

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What is Separation Anxiety?

The heart of separation anxiety comes from the fact that your baby realizes that they are an individual person and not a part of you. For the first six months of their life they will not have a sense of ‘self’ but rather they will see you and them as the same.

Separation anxiety normally begins around the age of seven months. It is around this time that they realise that they are not attached to you and that you are able to leave them. This can be a great feeling but it can also leave your baby feeling quite anxious. Separation anxiety means that your child gets upset when you leave them, even for a minute. They may want to be held all the time or they may be happy to be with others or on their own as long as they can see or hear you. You will notice that they are constantly looking for you and becomes anxious if you are not around.

It can be hard to see separation anxiety from your baby’s perspective as you understand independence and have a firm awareness of the self. Your baby does not. As your child gets older, they will start to develop a sense of self and become comfortable and confident with other people. Letting them stay with babysitters and other family members for a short period of time will show them that you always do come back. In time your child will identify other people and will begin to remember that when you leave the room you do come back.

How to Handle Separation Anxiety

There are a lot of conflicting theories about separation anxiety. Attachment parenting, for example, focuses on allowing your child to remain as close to you as possible during these first years to help develop comfort and security. It suggests that to build a sense of confidence your baby needs to know that you are there from Day One. This means picking them up as soon as they cry, feeding them when they want it and communicating with them with smiles. When they do have separation anxiety and you must leave them, always tell them you are coming back with lots of smiles and cuddles. Let them know you are going rather than sneaking away and try to remain calm. They can sense your anxiety about leaving which can make it even harder for them.

However, other theories suggest letting your child explore the world on their own from day one.  Some theories suggest that letting your baby cry for a short period of time will help them in the long run. How you choose to handle separation anxiety will depend entirely on your parenting style and what you feel comfortable with.

The good news is that separation anxiety will eventually stop. As your child develops independence and self-awareness they will be happier to explore the world without you and will want to do things on their own. However, it is important that you provide them with a comfortable and safe environment to explore to help them feel confident to do things without you. Allow them to know that you are always there but that it is okay to explore on thehir own.

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