I have read all the stories on the website about women who struggle for years to fall pregnant or are still trying and my heart breaks for them but there is also the other side, where women fall pregnant accidentally at a time in their lives when they are not ready or do not want children at that time in there lives. That woman was me.
A healthy young 23 year old who spent her weekdays at university and work, Fridays through to Sundays were reserved for partying and living a very carefree lifestyle, relationships were fun and new, devastating when they ended but there was always someone new around the corner which is how I found myself with Greg. After a very public and messy breakup with a previous partner Greg and I who had sometimes hung out started dating. It was summer and we spent nearly every weekend together going to bbqs, the coast , swimming all the things that make summer what it is! Things were what I call ” the honeymoon stage” and for 2.5 months it was bliss!
Now growing up I had learnt all about ” safe sex” and had been on the pill since I was 17 ( for period pain) and then later when I became sexually active and I had had previous partners who I also practiced safe sex with, in a nut shell I thought I was a hundred and ten percent aware of how NOT to get pregnant! ( I have always wanted kids but after I finished living my life first!) and my methods had worked for me before so why would mine and Greg’s relationship be any different……. well it was…. because 6 weeks after our romantic weekend away I was in a doctor’s office being told “Congratulations you’re pregnant “, to which I started first hysterically laughing and later hysterically crying (Greg went into shock and almost immediately started to emotionally eat!)
So began our journey towards parenthood after only knowing each other 3 months ( I didn’t even know his favorite movie or that he had an secret obsession with ice hockey! Lol!). After getting over the initial shock (and the task of telling our families – my dad’s response was ” How does this happen in this day and age!”) we set about trying to muddle our way along my pregnancy and also trying to fit in a normal 5 year relationship into 9 months! (all the while I started to look like a small to medium size hippo!)
My pregnancy was perfect, not the same can be said for any other aspect of our lives, financially we struggled. I had to give up university and work full time while we lived in a back room at my parents place and tried to save every penny we had. Emotionally we had gone from deciding what drink to order at the bar to deciding what pram was safer( the debate of 3 versus 4 wheels rages on still today! ) to decisions we had to tackle such as “Should we get married? Buy a house? Joint bank accounts? What last name will the baby have?”. The list was endless and straining on any relationship but was even harder on us as we were still trying to get to know each other!
Towards the end of my pregnancy, Greg’s behavior became quite bizzare. He started to purchase expensive items solely for himself ( boxing equipment, tattoos, bikes etc) and was starting to dip into all the money we had worked so hard for 9 months to save. He emotionally started to distance himself from me and we started to fight nearly everyday. I knew in my heart something was wrong, but here I was 38 weeks pregnant so it was too late to turn back now!
Our beautiful son was born via emergency c-section and when I saw his face all I felt was an overwhelming sense of love and protection for this little person. Greg cried at the birth and I truly felt contacted to him at that moment, but this was short lived. We moved back in with my parents to save more money and so began our life with a new baby and basically new relationships all while living in my old room I had has as a kid ( I had removed the posters from my walls to put up baby photos!)
To cut a long story short the pressures of a newborn, a barely there relationship and a semi medium bedroom to fit 3 people got to much and Greg left when our son was 2 months old. Like a cold slap in the face I was left alone with a newborn to support, no job ( as I had planned to be a sahm) and emotionally a wreck!
Luckily I have wonderful family support and a great network of friends who helped me out anyway they could. Greg went off and tried to regain some of his single free life but the following week was calling asking to see his son. I agreed and Greg started to take him every Saturday night. We started to talk more often and started to take family outings to the park etc.
Greg had always expressed remorse for leaving but I wasn’t ready to trust him again. My life revolved around our som and trying to provide the best life for him( my days of partying were truly over and surprisingly I couldn’t be happier).
After 6 months apart we decided to give our relationship another chance, got our own place and started to work on being a real family….
My son turn 1 yesterday and it has been a rollercoaster of a year, but I look at his face now and can’t remember my life without him, and don’t want to. My pregnancy was an accident, but my son isn’t. He’s my world and surprisingly, Greg and I are still together and stronger then ever!
Thank you to Laura G for sharing your story with us!