Men aren’t stupid, they know what us women want. It’s is still a socially expected standard that woman grow up to get married and have children. Ask any little girl and she will tell you that despite wanting to be an astronaut, a teacher or a zookeeper, it is a pre-determined fact that eventually she will get married. Humankind is programmed, whether it works out this way or not, to believe that life is “on hold” until we embrace the vows of matrimony and pop out the future generations. So why are so many men so reluctant to get the ball rolling? To pop the question that will inevitably see them strap on the old ball and chain?

Fear of Change

The big one. Even my own husband admits that this was the clincher for him. What if you change? What if he changes? What if everything changes just because you signed on the dotted line? Researchers have scared our men with statistics showing that prior to walking down the aisle, men can expect a bit of rumpy-pumpy at least 4 times per week, with this dwindling to just once a week within the first 3 years. What if your currently amazing sex life takes a dramatic nose-dive?

Fear of Commitment

He can barely commit to next week’s dinner plans let alone a lifetime with you. This isn’t a new car loan, a puppy or a mortgage, this is forever!

Fear of History

Both of you have baggage from previous relationships. Have either of you already been married? Was someone left broken-hearted and irreversibly hurt when the question was asked before? What kind of family life did he have growing up? What are his expectations for yours? Were his parents happy, either together or apart? Nothing makes for a more sceptic husband-to-be than one who heard his parents fighting all the time; he needs to know your marriage wont emulate this. Is he intimidated by the examples set by others? Maybe he thinks he doesn’t know how to be part of a union that loves and cares for each other.

Fear of Traditional Expectations

A lot of men these days are unintentionally rebelling against tradition. He might want kids but doesn’t see the point in a “piece of paper”.

Fear that what he has to offer is not enough

Men are stereotypically expected to provide, to be the breadwinner, to protect, and although times and roles are changing, most older men, the fathers of our men, instilled these values into their own sons. Did his own father enforce the importance of a traditional “man’s role”? How does he feel about male pride and a woman’s role?

Fear you’ll say No

Chances are this won’t be happening, but it’s still at the back of his mind. Rejection is a massive blow to the ego!

So what can you do to entice your man into dropping to one knee?

• Look at his point of view. Ask yourself, “Why Would He Want To Propose?”
• Check that both your needs, emotional and physical, are being met. There is not a lot of motivation for either of you to get hitched if your sex life lacks any kind of enticement!
• Talk to him about his feelings towards marriage and validate his opinions; however be prepared should his views be completely different to yours. You cannot bully or bribe someone into proposing if they sincerely do not want to.
• Check with yourself that you don’t actually want him to change. It shows that likelihood of anyone changing is minimal.
• Ultimatums don’t work.  Men value, and see marriage as a perceived loss of, freedom and don’t react positively to be forced into anything. An “ask or go” attitude is just predicting what life may be like when you are married.
• Completely avoiding the issue and not talking about it makes him think you’re not interested. Drop a few tactful hints without anxiety or nagging, as this only fuels the fire of the stubborn!
• Most importantly, DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! Whether or not your man is ready to take the plunge is not a reflection of,  or an attack on, how “loveable” or “wife-like” you are. Love him as he is, love yourself as you are and he’ll be putting a ring on it before you know it!!