Moving back in with parents
Answered 4 years ago
Partner is adamant he doesnt want to but financially we need to do something that will help minimise our expenses. I would also love to live closer to my parents but partner is getting hesitant as we wont be able to do what we want when we want. Um mate your the only one who gets to do that, im either working or looking after our kids and to have my mums help would be amazing but also to have someone to talk to that doesnt critise everything will be even better. Is my partner getting angrier by the day because he knows he has gotten away with so much stuff over the last few years and now scared he wont any more? He keeps being all excited to move and then next day not excited. Currently dealing with a man child tantrum as he cant find work right now where my parents live. We have wasted so much money and are getting no where that we are starting to go backwards and he doesnt seem to understand. Is this normal male behaviour? Am i being selfish trying to give the kids a better life?
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Depending upon your situation, it might be, "When we pay off the credit card and save $5000, we will get a place of our own." or "when we are earning $1700 a week and have paid off the car, we will move out." and then that becomes your number one goal that gives you and he something to work towards, or just set a date like "By the end of financial year, we will have saved as much as we can and will rent a modest place of our own." or whatever.
Also be clear with him and your parents about boundaries - they need time to themselves and so do you and your kids. Also be clear about expenses - what are your parents paying for, what are you chipping in for? Is there a private space for each of you?
We moved in with my MIL while we renovated and it was my husband that couldn't cope (I loved it!) He felt like a kid again and he hated it. He values his independence and providing for his family too much. We ended up moving back in as soon as the kitchen was in and he lay flooring around us, just because he couldn't stand it. And his mum is really easy going! It can be really hard to give up that 'adult' feeling, I imagine he feels very insecure and like a failure that he's not providing riches for his family (not that that is the case necessarily, just the way I imagine he feels).