Where to turn
Answered 1 year ago
I love my husband I do but fact is I have always put in effort to be a good wife and he never has put effort in at being a husband at all.
He is currently sick tells his family who then says of it is cause your wife keeps a unclean home, you need to do the following certain things. I am far from a idiot but I feel my husband and even his family think I am one, after the comment I came back and said well when ever I am sick you don’t give to hoots you don’t bother to clean up help me or anything I still am expected to get you drink, make you food and take the dog to the toliet. All he responds with is yeah I know I am a crap husband and dad, I don’t know what to do anymore. PRIot to getting married 7 years ago I had a opinionated family always telling me what to do how to think ect I took measures to safe guard my marriage by cutting contact and not accepting advice and yet he thinks his parents giving advice is ok cause they love and worried about him. But I am over everyone giving there opinion. Am I in the wrong or overreacting
Have an answer?
There are some experts in the field, focussed on how keep your house clean really cheaply.
There are books, for example "Spotless", by Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming, (they did a whole series of books on cleaning and tidying) - really good, and really cheap on line. I even saw them in Aldi once, about $5 each.
Then you can walk through the in laws house and point out how far they fall short !
If hubby does nothing, then you need to make sure, if you have kids, that they pull their weight, to help take the pressure off you. It is good preparation for life for them to learn those basics about managing their own lives when they grow up. Like making their beds, tidying away their toys, etc.
You should not have to put up with this criticism, and your husbands laziness. It sounds like his "sickness" may well be an excuse, to try to stop you forcing him to pull his weight.
Another thing to consider, is perhaps he is depressed. Especially if he says "he doesn't know what to do any more". Depression causes loss of motivation, loss of focus, and loss of energy.
If this continues for too long, you should consider leaving. It is no life for you.
And a very bad example for the kids.
I wouldn't put up with it.
In that case, if you do decide to leave, you do need to make sure the kids pull their weight.
Don't fall for it.
Don't believe him.
He is gaslighting you and you won't ever be happy while he continues, you'll just be the the kind of content that he wants you to be.
Everything you said, he is abusing you. Run. Leave, no matter how hard it is.
He just announced in the car he will be “helping” another coach now when he promised me earlier that it would be one training night and one game session only ...
He’s a selfish narcissist who thinks the world can’t run without him and he needs to be there to make sure they do everything the way he wants. I am over it.
Unfortunately lazy loser husbands and nasty in laws seem to sniff it out, and instead of being supportive, they pile on with the criticism.
So probably what you need on a personal level is self worth training, and positive "affirmations"; things that you say to yourself over and over in your head to offset the negative messages you got from your family, and that get reinforced from others.
Some of this stuff you can search for, and find, on line. There may even be some on this site.