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Need help with my daughter and cutting ☹️

Answered 1 year ago

She is 15 and is on anti depressants and has seen a psychologist but nothing seems to help! Anyone experience cutting and can offer any help? I’ll be seeing doctor Monday and asking for a psychiatrist referral 😔


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ANSWER
1 year ago
Cutting is a release. Its not about death or should would cut deeper. Its a way to feel the pain or gwt the pain out. Take her to a psychiatriat please and a new psychologist

ANSWER
1 year ago
What has happened to her?

ANSWER
1 year ago
My daughter’s friend cut herself. I learnt a few things 1. My daughter doesn’t and couldn’t understand the behavior- her friend needed someone to talk to a lot; 2. The friend had a lot of responsibility early in life and no time to be a kid; 3. Lots of pressure on this friend to be top of the class, my daughter is on the bottom so I’m not sure what they have in common but met in primary school and started hanging out with different people; 4. Friend had to move for mums job but still cutting so changing environment did not help; 5. A work colleague said there is a bunch of kids at his children’s private school who cut - it’s a peer pressure game thing? 6. The friend has a good therapist and improves based on how good the therapist is with her; 7. Part is psychological that’s how it begins but it then becomes a habit - so to stop you have to figure out what started it eliminate that and also break the habit; 8. The friend is a high achiever, type A personality, very smart girl. 9. I agree help her get hobbies, play team sports or get a part time job to keep her busy and mixing with people her own age.

Good luck the above might not apply to your situation this was my experience. I knew her friend and mum (single mum) from primary school and I was relieved when they moved. I felt it was draining my daughter and she felt very sorry and sad for her friend. Now my daughter is much lighter and happier with her gone.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Is it possible for you to put her into a physical activity whete she can let it out that way? Like boxing or something?
If she can go out the back and pummel a boxing bag it might help her channel all the bad stuff out of her system.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Sometimes cutting is a way of finding some part of their life they can control. Does your daughter have a job so she can earn some money - which she gets to choose how to spend (ie. you don't tell her what she can/should and can't/shouldn't buy (excluding illegal things), you don't take a portion of it for rent as she's only 15)? Her own part-time job and the income could help her feel a bit more in control of her own life. Can she walk a neighbour's dog, can she mow lawns, can she help a local kid with their homework once a week, it doesn't have to be a huge thing if she can't take on something bigger, just some way that she can earn a bit of her own money that's not tied to her parents.

Sometimes it's about the rush that cutting brings, the distinct pain, brighter than the monotony of her day. Does she have interests she's allowed to pursue, not things her parents chose for her, but her own things? Whether that's reading, a sport, online gaming, sewing, volunteering at a local animal shelter, does she have her own things which bring her joy?

It can take a while to find the right antidepressant. If the one she's on doesn't seem to be working or has side effects she can't stand then talk to the prescribing doctor about trying something different. Side effects happen, sure, but she doesn't have to settle on the first medication they suggest if it makes other parts of her life worse (eg if it makes her very tired, or if she can't concentrate at school).

Also, there is a chance that an antidepressant just isn't the solution. I cut myself during highschool and eventually grew out of it (I think around 16 or 17 years old). I didn't go on antidepressants (my parents didn't believe in going to normal doctors, so antidepressants weren't an option for me). But I don't think I was suicidal while I cut, I never thought about actually killing myself, I was just self-harming by cutting. As an adult I was put on antidepressants by a doctor (as a possible cure for a different chronic pain issue) and the very idea of going on them made me feel like a failure, which is silly but that's how it felt at the time. If they're not working for her, you could give her a choice about whether she tries other medications or whether she wants to be unmedicated. **This is also a discussion to have with her doctor! I don't know how serious the situation is, being unmedicated may be dangerous, I don't know!** But it's something to consider; if her brain chemistry isn't lacking in a way that antidepressants will help, then being on them may be psychologically upsetting for her.

Speaking of psychology, finding the right therapist can also take a while! If she doesn't feel good with the first one after a couple of visits, she should choose another one. Please consider finding one that's LGBTQ+ supportive just in case your daughter has something going on which she hasn't discussed with you, the right therapist can do wonders to support the mental health of queer kids who may or may not be out to their families. You don't have to tell her that's why you chose them, as you don't want her to feel like you're trying to insinuate anything. You could just add the info in casually, "I thought we'd give Dr Z a try, they're listed as working with teens and young adults, self harm, eating disorders, LGBTQ support, family issues, and so on. Worth a shot hey?".

Try not to dismiss her concerns or feelings. I am in my early 30s and I still remember a time when I was probably 14 years old and I, with cuts tracing the veins on my palms, said to my dad, "maybe I'm suicidal". His response was, "no you're not". That memory has stayed with me for 20 years. We had the chance to talk about this recently, and he broke down crying when I told him about that memory. As an adult I realise he may have meant something like "suicidal people don't usually talk about it" but in my memory it was an abrupt dismissal, a lack of support, a "you're just a kid, what would you know" scenario. I know my dad loves me and always has, and I'm a parent now and know I won't always say the right thing, but be careful what you say when your daughter tells you about these sorts of things.

ANSWER
1 year ago
You can’t remove a behaviour without replacing it with a new, positive behaviour. Ask her to try drawing with red ink on the places she would normally cut, or look up some other replacement behaviours for cutting. Also, see if you can see a psychiatrist instead of a psychologist, perhaps someone who specialises in cognitive behaviour therapy. I hope things turn around for you and your daughter. Well done for seeking help for her. ♥️

ANSWER
1 year ago
Omg I can't believe some of the comments here!!!! These "women" should be ashamed of themselves. I don't have any advice but I just want to send you a big hug. You sound like you're doing everything possible to help her. I'm hoping things get better for you and your daughter soon. Mental health is a hell of a bitch and hard to over come so I'm sending you all strength xx