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7yrs together with a 2yr old and I think I need to leave him..

Answered 2 months ago

I've been with hubby for seven years and we have a little two year old girl.

I'm finding he's gaslighting me a lot, not helping out whatsoever around the house (to the point where he won't even spray ants on the kitchen bench), doesn't do any yard work or house maintenance, won't plan activities with our daughter or make any effort with her (or me) to do family things and just so much more.

Our sex life is non-existent, we're in a dead bedroom (and we're in our mid-late twenties). I am a SAHM who's studying and hoping to work in the next 6-18 months once I complete my degree. He doesn't want to financially support me whatsoever, says there's no money for me from his income at all (1500 a week). We went to therapy and he all of a sudden said he could give me $100 a week for myself and now, after a while and a recent argument, it's back to 'theres no money at all in the budget for you'.

He just wants to play card games and video games with his friends and gets annoyed when we 'interrupt' that happening. He's also on the spectrum, so is very unemotional and struggles with seeing things from my perspective/putting himself in my shoes.

Last night, I caught him playing a video game with a girl he was almost having an emotional affair with. He says he 'muted her microphone' so therefore it 'doesn't count'. I said, it did. He went off the rails, screaming at me in front of our daughter, calling me a 'c' and saying how he 'lets so much 's' go and how he puts up with so much'. I asked him what he needed from me then, and his golden response was 'i don't know' and that he 'just wanted to be left alone to organise his deck of cards'.

I've left him previously because when I was extremely sick he refused (with weeks of annual leave saved up) to take time off work to help me and help care for our daughter. I am scared to leave also because he does unsafe things (things in powerpoint near full sink kinda stuff) around our daughter.

I need help with a plan. What do I do.


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ANSWER
2 months ago
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I don't have any advice, other than try to find someone to talk to - there are professional services that can tell you your options and support you once you've made the decision. You and your daughter need to be in a safe and supportive environment. Good luck.

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2 months ago
Unfortunately we've been so many times. $`110 a session only to be told by him that he 'doesn't think he needs it anymore'. I continued but cant afford it by myself and just feels like we're going in circles all the time. :( Thank you for your advice though

REPLY
2 months ago
Different responder: Can you not get this covered as a mental health plan for yourself? You could tell your go that you are really struggling.

ANSWER
2 months ago
Definitely reconsider the relationship. My husband doesn’t support me emotionally and it is very difficult to live with.

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2 months ago
Same here.

He literally told me the other day “Don’t talk to me unless it’s regarding me and you or the kids” my heart honestly dropped. I can’t even have a simple conversation with him.

ANSWER
2 months ago
I hope you have family or friends that can you support you when you decide to leave. I think you should leave because your story sound so much like mine and I wish I left when I was much younger. Now all I have is regrets and a miserable life. It is clear that he does not care about you and your daughter and you deserve better than that. Be strong....and do what is best for you and your daughter....Much love :)