View other questions
I wonder if my boyfriend and I will ever be able to live together. We both have children.
Answered 4 years ago
Boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. I have 3 children (79% custody) and he has 2 (40%).
It's been a very slow introduction but over the last 6 months we've started sleepovers 1 night a fortnight (the other weekend both sets of kids are with the other parent) and we meet for quick playdates after school or dinner.
We all seem to get on most if the time, the kids get on well but every so often it's like they are off with me particularly and can be rude or whiny. My children have my bf around them alot more because he is around other nights when he doesn't have his kids. My children like him very much. But when we are all together my bf doesn't show any affection to my children because he feels it would upset his kids/he feels guilty. We both still have alone time with our respective children.
Continued below
Have an answer?
This question has been closed and is no longer accepting answers.
Answers
An unexpected error has occurred, please try again shortly.
ANSWER
4 years ago
I honestly feel that moving in together would be a disaster so I'm trying to accept this wont happen. Can anyone help me get some perspective and accept this easier.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
I don't have any advice hun but I think you've answered your own questions. I hope whatever you decide to do, you're happy 💜
REPLY
4 years ago
Thank you ❤
ANSWER
4 years ago
From experience. My ex and I moved in together, I have a daughter who was the youngest of our collective children who was 6 at the time and he had 4 kids between 9 and 17. He had his kids 50/50 and I had my daughter full time. Needless to say after a few years it turned out to be a complete disaster as his kids were jealous of me and my daughter because we "had him all the time"
His kids turned out to resent me for moving in and made our home a horrid place to live. The eldest one would be rude, call me names and just be flat out nasty while her father wasn't around and when I spoke to him about it he accused me of picking on her.
Absolute shit show.
I left and now couldn't be happier and ex is just now starting to see how his kids behave now that I'm not around to care for them and he has to do it all himself.
If your BF is already prioritizing his kids (which is fine but needs to hold ALL of your collective children in the same regard to eliminate tension and resentment) then it's over before it starts.
My now partner has 3 kids - all only slightly older than my daughter who is now 12 but they all get along fine. We will not be sharing a household until the kids are all grown and moved out. I won't put my daughter in that situation again.
His kids turned out to resent me for moving in and made our home a horrid place to live. The eldest one would be rude, call me names and just be flat out nasty while her father wasn't around and when I spoke to him about it he accused me of picking on her.
Absolute shit show.
I left and now couldn't be happier and ex is just now starting to see how his kids behave now that I'm not around to care for them and he has to do it all himself.
If your BF is already prioritizing his kids (which is fine but needs to hold ALL of your collective children in the same regard to eliminate tension and resentment) then it's over before it starts.
My now partner has 3 kids - all only slightly older than my daughter who is now 12 but they all get along fine. We will not be sharing a household until the kids are all grown and moved out. I won't put my daughter in that situation again.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
That's part of my fear. He sees my kids more than I see his & like all children mine can argue with eachother & me & be lazy but I'm mostly on top of it. His kids are lazy, whiny too but the girl can be manipulative which my children are not with me as I'll pull them up on it. I'm happy to work together as a team and show the kids they are all as important as eachother but he never sees his kids as doing anything wrong unless its done right in front of me or him. If his kids come out to us/him and cry saying one of my kids did this/that he doesn't ask questions to get both sides of the story. He'll assume his daughter is telling the truth and tell my kids off.
REPLY
4 years ago
Ive spoken to my two eldest and they admit when theyve done wrong but have both separately explained that if his daughter isn't getting what she wants she'll make up a story. It's got to the point that my kids are scared to say no. And I dont want my kids to ever think this is something that have to do. I've tried talking to him about this, explaining that kids fight and its usually 6 of one, half a dozen of the other but he jokes around saying 'nah, my kids are angels' and although hes trying to be funny I know he means it because of his actions.
REPLY
4 years ago
Yes, unfortunately you have to keep riding solo and wear the financial burdon of running 2 functional households. The situation with favouritism will only get worse, especially if you and your kids are there 24/7
My ex was like this - his kids could do no wrong and I was just a picky, nasty bitch.
Well suck shit now ex, they're your problem! ENJOY haha
My ex was like this - his kids could do no wrong and I was just a picky, nasty bitch.
Well suck shit now ex, they're your problem! ENJOY haha
REPLY
4 years ago
Thank you for answering. I think you are right.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Hi, how old are the children?
I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 3 years. We both have teenage children from our previous partners and we don’t live together. I love it! We still spend a lot of time together - it’s my dream relationship!
We may live together somewhere down the track when the kids have left home but I honestly think I love it how it is so am not sure I want to it change.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 3 years. We both have teenage children from our previous partners and we don’t live together. I love it! We still spend a lot of time together - it’s my dream relationship!
We may live together somewhere down the track when the kids have left home but I honestly think I love it how it is so am not sure I want to it change.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
6~11 years. 2 of mine are older than his.
ANSWER
4 years ago
This happened with my husband and I. You guys needs to make the jump the Children will adjust Also discuss how your feeling with him.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
Can you please give me more information on your situation?
ANSWER
4 years ago
If your bf shows your kids affection when his kids aren’t around then doesn’t show them affection when his kids are can massively impact your children because they are going to think that they don’t matter now that his kids are around. So what he is trying to prevent to his own kids he is actually doing it to your children and not realising. When you are all together you need to all act normal and show everyone love.
I personally think you should all move in together to give the children more stability especially his kids, I don’t think it will be a disaster at all I think it will be really beneficial, your kids love him as you said.
Wishing you all the best of luck!
I personally think you should all move in together to give the children more stability especially his kids, I don’t think it will be a disaster at all I think it will be really beneficial, your kids love him as you said.
Wishing you all the best of luck!
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
Thank you.
I agree with your point about affection to his and my children.
I agree with your point about affection to his and my children.