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How do I leave my husband when I have no money to leave?

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Answers (41)

My dad controlled the money and only gave my mom filled out checks to mail for bills and a grocery allowance. He was a controlling abusive horrible human being. She set at least $50 a week aside by shopping sales, walking to save on gas needs, coupons, bulk buying one week and pocketing half the money, anything she could think of. Combined with our birthday and xmas savings (3 kids, willingly given), we ran away. She had manged to save $5k over 18 months. She came to school one day in a car she paid for registered to her sister, and picked us up and collected our records. She had it packed to the brim with our clothes and toys. She and I both got jobs (i was the oldest at 13), and we split the job of caring for my siblings. We changed our names and cut our hair. We were on the lamb, so to speak. It was a hard life, hiding and lying about who we were. We moved a lot to keep ahead of my dad's bloodhounds. When my youngest brother turned 18, my mom bought a house and put down roots, no longer needing to hide. She saved our lives. I have no doubt he could have killed us in a rage.

My point is, get creative and get out.

 ^^^ brave mother! This is right, though. It may not be instant but it can be done with some outside the box thinking. I'm guessing this was in a time where DV was swept under the rug and most just looked the other way? A time when men handled the money and women "knew their place" since this is a group for mums? Even 20 years ago it was a different world. There was much less help available. Congrats to your mum for getting away and saving her babies from a monster. I hope you appreciate what she did and risked for you.
helpful (15) 
 Wow! I have never seen a dollar from my husband.
helpful (12) 
 Single parent payments are a heaven sent for people in this
helpful (18) 
 Wow what an amazing story, you are an inspiration as well as your mum, what a strong woman!
helpful (6) 
 inspirational woman
helpful (6) 

Before I left my now ex husband I applied for a "seperated while living together" payment from Centrelink. We were still sleeping in the same bed as we only had 3 rooms and 3 kids, but you can be on the allowance for up to 6 months before getting your own place. This way you can sort out your finances and find out what you can afford in the way of rent. I was on the allowance for 6 weeks before I moved out and it helped ALOT. Meant I had money to buy beds and a table and kitchenware. You can apply for a bond loan from department of housing IF you don't have a house in your name. Good Luck. It was the best thing I ever did. My ex was mentally and emotionally abusive.

 Hi I know your post was a year ago but wondering trying to get out of s verbal sbidivd boyfriend and have 3 young kids how did you go go about organising bills in your name my name is on the lease, my name is in a few bills we have
Thanks heaps

helpful (13) 
 By allowance do you mean child tax?
helpful (8) 
 Can you really do that
helpful (1) 

I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship for 20 years now. My youngest child is 9, so when I called Centrelink they told me I couldn't go on single Parent because the youngest child is over 8. I work part time and don't earn enough to rent a place big enough for me and my children. I guess I'll just wait 10 more years till I can get away. I have 4 children still at home with me and don't want to see them suffer like I do every day. #nochoice #stuck

 I too, am in an emotionally abusive relationship. For over 30 years now. But I am now in part time employment so am trying to save. Like your words, I can not get Single parent support. But, don't give up. Seek out free legal advice, I did and now I am making more plans. Good Luck. With four children of my own, take small steps to build your bigger plan. It can be done. You are not stuck, you just need another door to open for you to move on.
helpful (3) 
 Over 20yrs of marriage 2 kids still at home i raised 7 kids but he earnt all of our furnishings im stuck
helpful (3) 
 This may be 3 months too late but just in case you happen to see this, you can get Newstart rather than the single parent pension. Since you have dependents it will be more than the normal amount for singles with no dependents. This does depend on how much you earn though however you should also be entitled to Family Tax Benefit A and B. Don't stay in an abusive relationship any longer than you have to. I know from personal experience how hard it can be but you and your children deserve better. Don't let them think an abusive parent is normal. They are already suffering. Reach out to your local women's shelter, the Salvos, talk to the social worker at Centrelink etc and see what help is out there. There are also helplines you could ring to ask for advice such as 1800 RESPECT.
helpful (7) 

I have just done this , I left because I wasn't happy anymore . I stayed with my sister for 4 weeks while I saved and and I borrowed money from my dad for bond , I am using second hand furniture I borrowed from my mum , make sure you go to clink and put in an Intension to claim single parent pension. You will more then likely get rent assistance too. and child support don't wait ........ Do it straight away.

It's hard to do but if you want to leave and are not happy you have to put yourself first for once , even before the kids. My kids 9 and 6 where sad of course but they will adjust. And you will be a better mum when your happy .

Are you leaving because of abuse? If so, just go straight to a shelter or a friends house and work out the rest later. If not, squirrel away what you can whenever the opportunity presents itself.

 I agree with this answer too. Look after yourself :)
helpful (2) 
 Most women are unhappy because of abuse! What kind did you mean? Oh, so it's only emotional abuse, where he doesn't talk to you but glares at you like you are beneath him, yells abuse, brings you down with insults and takes control of your life, has no kind word to say to you, never encourages one aspect of your ideas, or beliefs, or opinions, won't let you do the shopping or pay the bills, because you might 'squirrel', as you say some money. But wait, if he sometimes hits you too, then get out fast! Like a husband that physically abuses you, will be loveable to live when he is not hitting you?
helpful (12) 

I have no idea im sorry. I'm in the same position. So sick of "just leave" if it was that easy i would have done it years ago. Sounds abusive to me as you are being kept away from money luckily for me i have some help from his job (military) at least i get a free move for my stuff. But otherwise I don't know... im so sorry please just know you are not alone you are not weak... you are not what he tells you you are. You are amazing and you can do this (((hugs)))

 If he's in the militate you are entitled to BAH. You need to go on vase and speak to legal and then go to his chain of command.
helpful (2) 
 *military *base
helpful (0) 

Six years ago i left my first husband with no job, car or money and was aged 23 with a 2 year old child. Now i am 29 years old engaged to be married next year, live with my fiancee and child and work as a professional. Life is great, all it took was the courage to leave and start over. :)

 Did docs get involved?
helpful (3) 

I recently left my husband, or rather made him leave our home. I managed to save just under 1 k and immediately filed for child support and single parent. If you're able to, save a couple of k, then file for child support and single parent. It's hard and scary, but it's only been 5 days and feel so much happier. Good luck

 How did you get him to leave? I dont want to uproot my kids.
helpful (0) 

I set myself up with a single parent pension that was my only option for money when I moved home to my parents (lucky I had the option) with my 2 boys, no car, no job, no money. Got a loan for a car once I started working part time in a low income job, then saved my a*s off, spent 18 months at my parents and wow it was hard but worth it, I now work full time in a job I love, I'm divorced happy and single enjoying my own company! Making new memories and just moved into a new little apartment for me and my boys. It's been a tough time and believe me there's been more "far out should I do this moments then I thought possible" but I don't even look back now! Good luck!

 I'm to scared to leave
helpful (0) 

I left with $0. Organised temporary accomidation for 1 month with a friend where i just needed to supply food/electricity money and went on single parents pension and saved flat out. Apply for a bond loan and if you are a victim of domestic violence with Dvo in place you are also eligible for the 2 weeks rent in advance grant so moving into a rental property will not cost you. Other wise. Start putting away money where you can in a seperate account and start organising what you will do from there. Good luck

 Another one that won't work for me - I have no family or friends to turn to. He didn't help with that either.
helpful (4) 
 Are you sure? You would be surprised at the assistance you could get if you ask someone, even if you don't know them very well. My sisters hubbys family had a holidays house and a friend of my sister's asked if she could hide a lady and her kids there. This lady had no connection to my sister so the husband couldn't find her.
helpful (6) 

Is he controlling the money or are you financially dependent? (They are very different) Can you negotiate a move, perhaps for him, since I assume the kids will want to stay with you? Apply to Centrelink for everything, Parenting Payment, Newstart, Family Tax benefits, and put in an application to CSA as soon as you separate. It's daunting, it takes a lot of courage, but it can be done - I've been there. Sit down and work out how much social security you can get, take a deep breath, tell your mum and closest friends and jump. Courage.

If the relationships abusive, go to a shelter or family ? You will get help from Centrelink once you have made that move. If you go to a shelter they can give you all the info you need to start your life again. Do it !

Centrelink can give you a $500 emergency payment if you have left your husband

Maybe not helpful to your situation, my first husband I had no money, but over 18 months I got a job school hours cleaning, my boss was really helpful and flexible giving me bits of during the time she knew my husband was at work and wouldn't notice where I really was. Enough saved for bond in that time and to buy second hand beds off Facebook. And selling my stuff on Facebook for a few extra $ too