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What have I got to do to get regular sex?

Answered 4 months ago

Hoping for some advice from the ladies. My wife is intimate with me once maybe twice a month. I have a fairly high sex drive.
We have two young kids and she’s always too tired. It’s great when we do but I need more. I cook most nights clean do the night wake ups with our young child.
I’ve brought it up a few times but always turns into an argument


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ANSWER
4 months ago
That's hard. I was like that with my husband years ago. My sex drive was non existent, I wasn't in a good place for quite a while. I was diagnosed with depression and now I look back it was clear as day. I started on medication and the real me came back. We don't have alot of sex but generally once a week now (I've just had a baby 4 months ago) and were both much happier. If we don't have sex we watch a movie, cuddle, or shower/bath together. Alot of people will say don't ask, take care of yourself but I can near on guarantee if it was a wife saying her husband won't have sex the conversation would be different. Sex is healthy and it's important. I hope you can both find a healthy balance for yourselves. X

ANSWER
4 months ago
It took me until our youngest was 5 before I felt normal and healed again. Definitely don't feel like I used to, but do have the libido now. But my husband refuses to get a vasectomy and I won't Destroy my body with contraception anymore, so no sex for him.

ANSWER
4 months ago
I feel for you. I was in the same situation but did every WRONG. If I could go back in time I would have communicated with him better, I would have been more vulnerable and stopped my own shame from getting in the way of our sex life. I would have worked on our intimacy rather than just nag him for sex.

ANSWER
4 months ago
I’m pretty much the wife in this story....but have four kids
I’m terrible, my libido is dead. I feel bad for not wanting sex with my husband, who is great with direction around the house, with the kids and work etc.
but I just am not interested like I was years ago.

It sucks. Sorry I’m no help

ANSWER
4 months ago
I find it sad that every is worried about her when it’s a partnership

Replies

REPLY
4 months ago
Yes. My advice told him to come to the party in the partnership & do half if he wants to get more of what he needs.

It's advice. Take it or not. It's how it is in my house. My H thinks he does half too, but leaves the entire mental load to me so I'm not inclined to care about his physical needs.

ANSWER
4 months ago
Look up the 'mental load' and actually think about the millions of unseen things your wife does, how exhausting that is & take on half. Focus on what YOUR WIFE NEEDS.

After being touched, grabbed and attention demanded by kids all day, a husband wanting his sex needs be met like just having another child. Not very sexy.

If your wife feels you are a partner in the family & doesn't have the mental drain & resentment of having to think about everything, all the time, on her own, you might be surprised what happens. Although that's not a guarantee & you can't expect her to match your sex drive, feeling equal & respected goes a lonnngggg way.

ANSWER
4 months ago
Just be patient! Putting pressure on her is the worse thing you can do! Maybe also see if you can arrange for a relative to look after the kids for a night and then take her out on a date somewhere?

ANSWER
4 months ago
I hate this, leave her alone until she’s ready to come to you. Stop with the pressure it’s a passion killer. Take care of yourself in the meantime. It’ll get better, just be patient. Last thing she wants to do is sex when she’s finally made it to bed.