Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Sharing food

Interested to know what everyone's view is on sharing food.
I always pack my kids food whenever we go anywhere, because my kids always get hungry and they tend to snack throughout the day, and also one has allergies so to be fair all my kids eat what we've got with us.
Today we were at play group and my kids asked for food so I gave them some of what I'd packed them, so then one the other kids asked their parent for food, but they hadn't brought any with them. The other kid then asks my kids to share theirs and my kids says no. Iv always taught them we're dont share food - due to one of my child's allergies I tell them all to not share food. All of a sudden I'm being approached by the other parent "dobbing" on my kids for not sharing their food.
Was wondering what everyone else would think? Is it expected that my kids share their food when we're out? Is it rude of me to say sorry that's my children's food, bring your child food yourself?

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (10)

Nope, that Mum should have been explaining to her child that we don’t ask people to share food with us because of 1.politeness 2. Allergies and 3. Germs. What a twit to then “dob” on your child. Tell her it is not your responsibility to pack extras for her kid.

OP Thanks, I was a bit taken back that my kids would be expected to share their food because someone else wanted it and their parent hadn't packed them anything so thought I'd see what others thought. The way the other mother dobbed on my kids for not sharing had me kind of questioning myself.
Like I get that kids want what other kidsv have but I can't realistically cater for all the kids at playgroup because share with one and all the kids will want to share and there's 15 there!

helpful (3) 

Honestly why don’t you feed them in the car before you get in there so your kids aren’t eating in front of other children who have nothing? Have a little empathy? Yes I know you’re not expected to share or feed anyone else but at the same time if you know there’s not going to be food there why let your kids eat in front of other children who might want some? It’s quite selfish if you ask me - not the fact you’re not sharing but the fact you don’t have enough empathy to eat before you go in.

 And I’m only saying this from experience, when I was younger I was quite neglected and always very hungry. I remember in grade 1 on my first week of school I saw a kid had thrown a half eaten sausage roll in bin so I went over to get it out. I was so starving but at the same time tried to time it so no one saw me. I quickly picked it out and hid behind a wall to eat it but a group of kids had seen me and started yelling at me in disgust and ran to tell the teacher on duty. The teacher scolded me and all the kids were staring. It was so humiliating I felt so embarrassed but I never had any food so what could I do? Sometimes I even stole out of lunchboxes. By the time I was 9 I was so depressed and so sick of being different I tried to end it all. Luckily I only got sick and didn’t actually die. Everything is good now but I just wanted to give you a perspective from a child’s view. I find it very hard to eat or let my children eat in front of kids who don’t have food due to this.
helpful (1) 
 Thank you for sharing something that people just wouldn’t see in their day to day lives, the perspective helps rather than me just saying pet peeve. There are no black and white answers but people have to look outside their own privileged lives sometimes to see themselves apart of the society to which they belong. I’m sorry you had such a crap beginning, x
helpful (0) 
OP Thank you for that perspective.
There is however a shared plate of fruit at playgroup to wich I also bring fruit to share so it's not like the other kids have nothing and are going hungry. We were running late that day and had missed the fruit time tho so my kids were hungry.

helpful (0) 
 If you were late than they should have eaten in the car before you went in.
helpful (0) 
 I empathise but disagree. With quite young children, giving them snacks can be a way to reel them in if they start acting up because they’re bored, over excited whatever reason it may be.
helpful (0) 

I can understand why you didn't share and I would never ask for someone to share their food with my child.

Saying that, my pet peeve is parents who always pack snacks. I understand going to the park for the day, or if you're out during meal time, but can our kids not go an hour without eating?

I'm not saying you do this, but if I was at a play group, not scheduled as a meal meet up, I would be a little frustrated if my kids were hitting me up for a snack just because someone else had one. I would however tell my kids we aren't eating now, I will get you something when we get home.

OP I try not to let them snack too often but we leave the house early to drop my oldest at school, then have errands to run after so I pack food knowing I won't be buying anything out due to allergies. My youngest becomes an absolute nightmare if she doesn't eat regularly and she's tiny so can't eat much at once so I prefer giving her a snack than having everyone deal with her melt downs when she gets too hungry. It had been a good few hours since she'd last eaten so not like I was giving them snacks every hour
helpful (0) 
 You would hate me then! I always have an emergency snack in my bag because I know as soon as I get out the door someone will be starving 😂
helpful (2) 
 It's my let peeve too. In my opinion I think talking good outside is also fair. Sometimes in the middle of rhymetine at libraries parents bring food out and it's so inconsiderate to other parents then having to deal with distracted kids by Little Johnny eating yummy snacks 30cm away. I'm sure they could have found 5nins before class to eat
helpful (3) 
 OP I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across as accusing you of feeding your kids every hours.
I was just trying to offer a different perspective.
And I see pet peeves as something I probably need to get over, not necessarily something that is bad parenting.

helpful (1) 

As a mother of an allergy child I completely agree with you!!! I have taught my daughter not to eat food off anyone else due to her allergies and that her food is hers because it's catered for her!

OP I also teach my kids that it can go the other way too. I don't want them to be responsible for giving another child a food that the other child is allergic to. I'd never really thought much about it till I had a child with allergies myself.
I'd feel terrible if my kids caused another child to have an allergic reaction by giving them food they were allergic to, just like my kids that they are not allowed to take food from ANYONE without asking me first. And I don't mean asking others for food because they are NEVER allowed to do that, but if we are at a party or out at a play date and they are offered food I need to ok it first.

helpful (0) 
 Yes same! It gets easier the older they get. My daughter is 9 and she is really good even though it's so hard for her he poor thing. She is anaphylactic to dairy, soy, nuts eggs and seafood. I feel for her 😂
helpful (0) 
 My youngest is a Type 1 diabetic and has Coeliac Disease. Any food that I have for him has been carefully weighed and carb counted and is gluten free. I am not going to share it with other kids. He also knows not to eat anything that I haven’t approved, especially from other people.
helpful (0) 

I don’t share because I don’t want other grubby little hands all over my kids food. Some mums are just so aggravating. Expecting handouts because they can’t be fcked to parent responsbly

In no way are you responsible for feeding other people's kids! Talk about entitled. The other thing that annoys me is kids always getting told to share toys- yes they should learn to share, but they also have the right to say no, I'm playing with this at the moment, you can have it when I'm done (if it's a single toy like a car, not a whole train set).

 Yes! When someone else's kid snatches it and then hogs it, and the other parent says well your child wasn't sharing grr
helpful (0) 

Nope I am not a sharer, and I don't appreciate parents just sharing their child's food with my child.

I was under the impression from the playgroups my children attended, that they do a fruit plate for all the kids during the session anyway? So wouldn't her child have had something to eat at sometime?

 Not all playgroups. Most I’ve been to you just bring food for your child if you want and there’s is no sharing and set time to sit down and eat.
helpful (1) 

All the kids must be pretty young if you're at playgroup, can't really blame them for asking for food or wanting some of what your kids have or dobbing or being upset by it.
What are they like under 3? Come on.
I always take extra food to things like play dates and ALWAYS ask the mums of the other kids if their children would like some.

OP It was the mum that dobbed not the child. And I do usually take food to share to play dates as its usually with only one or a few other kids but theres 15 kids at play group, should I be expected to feed them all?
I'l also add that playgroup does a shared fruit morning tea to which I do bring fruit to share. Its just that we leave the house early to drop my oldest at school then have errands to run after play group so i pack food knowing my kids will be hungry.

helpful (0) 
 I think it's pretty poor Form of the parent to have a whinge. Just tell you kids it's not their food. I wouldn't want my kids thinking they can eat any random persons food or that it's OK for people they don't know to offer them food
helpful (0) 
 Is there a designated eating time or do the kids just graze? You shouldn't have to but I would just explain that you bring food as your child has allergies and it is made especially to cater to that as they can't participate in the shared food and then direct the mother to the fruit plate. Is your child eating fruit as well? Mother might be more annoyed that your child is eating different snacks and may feel it's unfair to the other kids? It does annoy me when I try to do the right thing snack wise in groups and bring what has been decided and then someone else brings different snacks and not to share. Although my kids know not to ask and if they do, I say no if you are hungry this is what we are having. So I can see why mum would be annoyed but you are well within your rights and are not obligated to share. Maybe just be mindful of designated snack times and their guidelines and work within that and save other snacks for after group?
helpful (0)