Dealing with partners possible substance abuse
Answered 4 years ago
To start, I sorry for the long post, I’m just really needing some advice. This time last year I found out I was pregnant. My partner and I have had a rough 3 years, in and out out of our relationship, but god forbid I love him and want it to work.
My partner has been heavily on drugs (weed) for a while now. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I explained this was to stop right away. It didn’t. On about 2-3 occasions of my pregnancy when he told me he was no longer on it, I soon found out he was. This destroyed me. I feel to this day I done most of my pregnancy alone.
I had my beautiful little girl who I adore so much and we currently live with my parents and sometimes was staying with him together.
After her birth he promised me again he was off it. But my trust is so broken, I’ve tried very much to trust him again but my anxiety sky rocketed. I’ve wanted to drug test him but have been awfully afraid of the answer and argument it would cause.
He has been drinking a hell of a lot, which I tried not to cause an argument over - I thought the alcohol was a cop out. We both recently signed a lease and BOTH should of been moving in together as a family in a couple days time. But this time I had to do it for my own sanity and peace of mind and I wanted to drug test him after he had been disappearing for hours of a night with friends (whom all take a lot of drugs) which has made me very anxious - so I bought it up and NEEDED to test him before giving him the option of living with his daughter now, too.
It ended in a massive argument.
He denied to do it, because he was not “reassuring” me of anything anymore, so he puts it. After hours arguing he eventually left the room and come back with what seemed like a few drops of WATER in the cup, I didn’t bother to test - I am 80% sure that was water.
I love this man, and I want to say he loves me too. But I am so stuck. I don’t know what to do.
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Leave him alone
Smoke it and will relax you
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I was with someone who smoked it was like being with someone who was schizophrenic. They were unpredictable. Do you want this along with drinking issues around your daughter? Honestly until he grows up I would squash the plans of moving in together sounds like a bad idea to me. Get you own apartment or stay with your folks, that way you still control the environment.
Drug addiction is hard to break, my cousin has gone through this although his was alot worse (ice). Instead of going in hot headed try a different approach. Say you understand how hard it will be for him to quit, you will help him, support him, go with him to meetings etc. He needs to know he has support. And if you don't want too that's up to you, but then you need to leave.
Trust me, I've been there. It's pot. He's not unreasonable to indulge.