I’m a stay at home Mum to a 8.5 month old girl. Problem is I’m so lonely I and honestly thought once I became a mum I wo
Answered 4 years ago
I’m a stay at home Mum to a 8.5 month old girl. Problem is I’m so lonely I and honestly thought once I became a mum I would make other mum friends. Most of my mothers group have returned to work and I just feel so different. Any advice from long term stay at home mums who don’t plan on going back to work?
I don’t plan on returning to work as we plan to home school. I’ve always been very shy and introverted and struggled to make relationships due to my own insecurities. My husband is also ex-military so was hard to make friendships. We struggled to conceive and did IVF which was also very hard time for us both.
I feel so fortunate to have our baby girl she is everything and more. Problem is I’m so lonely I and honestly thought once I became a mum I would make other mum friends.
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There are lots of home school groups. Contact your local one and ask if you can come along to a meet up.
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I was so fortunate to be able to choose to stay home with my kids, but I'm also so glad that my eldest went to kindy (pre-prep, or the stage two years before grade 1) so she could socialise to her heart's content and experience care from other adults. She's in prep this year. We have always gone to the dog park or the playground near our home for approximately 5-6 afternoons per week since both kids were babies, and also live near my parents, and have some other adult friends (neighbourhood friends met via the dog park), so both kids have socialised with other kids and adults that way. It's so important for their developing brain. Going to playgroups, library story/singing time, new playgrounds, new experiences, it's all good for them.
A homeschooled kid who doesn't go out much will probably have a very hard time when they're older, as they won't have had the chance to learn and practice social skills, or be exposed to people who are different from their parents. Also, consider your own mental health and whether being the sole person responsible for your child's education is a task you feel truly ready to take on.
As for the loneliness of being a SAHP... yeah, it's tough. I've made some local friends by going to the playground a lot and seeing the same people occasionally, if our kids get along well then being brave enough to ask for their number, organising playdates (either at houses or playgrounds). I also have other adult friends met via the dog park, people more likely to be in different phases of their lives so it's nice to not just have "friends who are also parents of young kids". You need to make sure you're making choices not just for your kid's wellbeing, but for your own too; as my mum likes to say, "you can't pour from an empty cup". If you're giving giving giving all the time, and not ensuring that you're getting what you need too, then that's not actually good for your kid either. Not only because you'll end up being sad and exhausted, but because they need to see what a functional, healthy, happy adult looks like because they may model themselves on you.
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Harder at the moment as depending on where you live there probably aren’t any playgroups running (thanks Covid). But get involved with playgroups. I’m in qld and the local community and child health run free groups or there’s a bunch of others run by churches etc. you don’t have to be involved or attend a church to attend a playgroup.
Libraries are also fantastic, ours runs baby rhyme time and story time and there’s always other parents to chat to.
Mainly music is another group that we love going to, I think they’re Australia wide just google it.
I also found swimming lessons a great way meet other mums, especially when all the mums are in the pool with the kids during the baby classes. But I take my kids to a smaller, private swim school, not a large public pool.
You just have to put yourself out there and start up conversations, there’s a lot of other mums feeling the same loneliness.
Also look at toddler dance classes or ball skills programs. I know your LO is only 8months but it won’t be long before they’ll be running around and able to participate.
My eldest is 4.5 yrs and I only just feel like I’ve started making more meaningful connections and new mum friendships in the last year.