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Husband talking about suicide again .

I’m just so exhausted from it all.

I don’t think he’s ever going to be well.
Does it ever get better.
He’s felt like killing himself since he was 14.
He’s only attempted once.

Yes he’s done everything.
We’ve tried literally everything.

I thought he was doing so well then this crash down literally came out of nowhere.

Is this just our life?


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Answers (9)

Mental illness is horrible. He is lucky to have you. You should also get support. No it's not true, people who always talk about killing themselves, don't do it. I had a friend who committed suicide and she told her family (after a couple of attempts) that she would kill eventually kill herself, and she did. She was schizophrenic. It devastated all who loved her, even now I say to myself (after 30 years) if only!!!!! She rang me up before she died, but I wasn't there, she left a message with my friend, saying "hope you are happy and have a great life"!!! Yes it is a cry for help, but it doesn't mean that they won't do it. Maybe when they do go very quiet and retreat, that is when to watch. Having a masters in psychology does not make you an expert, anyone can read a text book. Have a bit of empathy. I would not go and see you (the master psychology person) as you would obviously ignore what I was telling you. No-one knows what goes on in someones mind.

I understand where you are coming from, it's hard and can be emotionally draining. But I admire how you are there for your husband. And I am sure that he loves you even more for your support. Just don't forget to look after yourself.

OP Yep! Actually the one time my husband actually attempted was when he had shut down that line of communication. And when he talks about it is when he seems to get back into Wellness again.

Thanks I think he does appreciate it.
I honestly just get more angry at his peice of shit father more than anything else. He’s half the damn trigger. And I think the reason why my husband is such a great father , he wants to be nothing like him.
I’m a pretty compassionate and forgiving person and he’s dad even gets me emotional and he’s not my dad! Iv mostly cut him off and am only polite when I see him. My poor husband has tried so many times to cut him but even when he does it doesn’t stop him hurting for the asshole.

It’s harder still because I have the most incredible father and that hurts him even more now he really knows what a good father looks like. Since me, He’s had to really confront how bad his dad is and how badly he fu***d him up as a kid.

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Oh that sucks, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you sought professional help for yourself(without him) to deal with this and focus on yourself? I don’t know if it will ever get better, one doesn’t have a crystal ball but what does your gut tell you? Are you happy in the rest of the relationship or is this the one area?

OP No, iv gotten pretty good, but I did after he attempted it it wasn’t really for me. I realised that it’s just shit, I get through it fine but you can’t change a shit situation so it just wasn’t worth it for me.
But Tonight just exhausted me.
I think because there wasn’t a build up this time, he’s been really really well lately.
He’s been onto his meditating, he’s had sooo much stuff going on back home and he’s just for the first time handled it amazing. I think the meditating has really helped.
There’s been some intense stuff going on for him with family back home, and iv just been so proud of how strong he’s been.
Maybe tonight was just a pressure cooker situation.

I don’t think he could ever actually leave our kids which has been what has stopped him in the past.
Yeah except for the depression, yeah happy, we have fun, still have great sex, he’s an amazing father, he’s an average housekeeper.

I just get so like f**k, he’s never gonna get rid of this demon.

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 You go girl. I get what you are saying and I totally get the frustration at the surprise of it when it comes out of no where. I’m really glad he has discovered meditation and it is helping him. I’m glad you vented and yes, it may rear it’s head but it’s just part of the life of reality isn’t it, goodluck
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OP Thanks
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I have no advice but stay strong. I hope you are also getting help to deal with this. It wouldn’t be easy on you xx

OP Thanks, feeling fine again, I just was a bit blindsided this time. 😔
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Does he actually go and seek professional help other than wellness / meditation. Yes you are his wife and supposed to be there for him, but try and think of it as though he had a physical ailment or pain. Should he go on about a pain or migraine to you for years, is that fair? Or does there come a point where he seeks professional help...this does not mean that you don't care or support him, that's what partners do - but you are also not purely here to be his rock and councillor. It's great that he talks to you about his feelings but needs an awareness that unloading your negative feelings on someone (even though you love him) can bring a darkness to you. You can support him but you also need to shield yourself from this a little and perhaps lighten the load by him off loading to a professional when he gets like this. When he gets these feelings, perhaps it's OK that he alerts you - but also sees someone. If he thinks professionals don't help, why does he then find it more conducive to tell this to you? If anything, giving you a break so you can solider on with your family is what is needed while he shares a little of the 'blah' with someone else. If he isn't open to this, I'd say he is more 'stuck' in a cycle of negativity where he feels miserable and somehow brings you down also, perhaps guilt over your head, controlling you, everyone on egg shells and mood being affected by him.

 Sounds a lot like emotional abuse to me
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Electric shock therapy? There’s new trial with gut bacteria at Adelaide uni. Good luck xx

OP I remeber looking at that a few years ago I might looking into again thanks :)
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He's enjoying wallowing in this.
Suck it up and take it in your stride without stressing your peers with the burden. Move on. He needs to put on his big boy panties, especially if he has kids.

Go live your life. Don't enable this behavior any longer. It is purely attention seeking and emotional abuse. People who are going to commit suicide don't talk about constantly they do it.

 Are you an expert?
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 Masters in Psychology
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OP It’s not emotional abuse in anyway.
He doesn’t threaten me with it.
He tells me, his wife, his feelings.

He doesn’t constantly talk about it he gets low like this every few years, him not talking enough is half the problem.

Sorry but you missed the mark on this one

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OP Thanks all the same though
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 You could have specified it wasn’t a threat merely a feeling he expressed to you and then you wouldn’t have got this sort of comments
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 I don't think this woman needs your lecture. Would you make the same comments if you were face to face with her
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 Yes, would you want someone to lie to your face so you feel better, she came and posted this here. So she needs to take constructive criticism with the positive comments also. Life isn’t Rainbows and unicorns it’s hard
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OP That’s fine, might be more aware next time though that you kinda made strong comments only hearing a few paragraphs, while I appreciate you trying to help, and not that it upset or anything, but jumping to labelling something emotional abuse to someone else a bit more vulnerable on the internet might be a bit dangerous.

As I said no big deal for me cos I know he’s not emotionally abusive.
If someone had come here and said “my husband is threatening suicide again because I was thinking of leaving” well your comment probably would have been a bit more warrented and constructive.

I just think people need to be careful throwing things like abuse around.

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 Obviously you know more than the experts at white ribbon. Threatening suicide is emotional abuse.
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OP As I said, I never once said he threatened suicide.

So no, talking about how your feeling isn’t emotional abuse.

“I just feel like I want to kill myself again”
Is very different to “I’m going to kill my self”

Me saying husband talking about suicide is very different to saying husband threatening suicide.

They are very very VERY different things. And you should know that.
Words have power and shape context and meaning.

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Try to make things to look forward to doing together like a holiday. Always have a new happy thing for him to anticipate when the last thing like the holiday is over. Focusing on the negative and the past seems to make depression worse in my opinion.

Also try to make sure that you let lots of natural light inside and watch his diet. Being low in certain vitamins can make depression worse.

OP We have a holiday coming up, he’s never been one to be able to talk about anything that’s not happening tomorrow. He’s been a little involved in the planning of holidays but it’s mostly me confirming

Yes our house if beautiful for light and he’s outside a lot.

Yes I’ll have to check he’s been taking his vitamins they may have run out and he wouldn’t fill them up if he had cos money is tight he’s been having to send a lot of money back home lately so there’s defiantly be “reasons” this time.

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 Is he Indian ?
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Can u organise some fun family activities that involve exercise? Make sure he's taking his meds and vitamins getting sleep. It's a chronic illness so it will rear it's ugly head unfortunately but sounds like he's got great support in you and some great protective factors. Maybe he needs a medication review and up the meds whilst he's got this stress going on. Look up support for carers for yourself hon as well there is stuff out there and you are a carer. And tell hubby that his life is like an old fashioned balancing scale with things that make him better on one side and things that make him worse on the other. When there are more worse things like the family stress you mention then he needs to do more on the other side to stay in balance or else the scales will tip. It's the self care stuff, fun stuff and self soothing stuff and supports on that side that needs to increase even when he doesn't feel like it. I work in mental health, my whole family has mental health issues and I do too. I see it as an illness to accept and manage like diabetes, we can still have a good life, just have to develop the awareness of what our triggers are, do our self care as prevention and soothe and seek help when we need it. But you do too hon as well xxx

OP He actually gets a lot of excercise he’s a really fit bloke. He’s been on and off meds many times before and has only ever found one that was ok but the side effect was no energy (to do the amount of excercise he does, he surfs a lot and goes for massive runs- like 10/15 km runs)
And a few, penis related issues lol.

I think he has completely taken meds off his option list unfortunately, same as therapy.

So far this has been managing it so well, this stuff going on back home normally he’d be really hard to live with but he’s just been coping so well.

He seems much stronger today.
It just seems to sweep over him along with this self hatred.
He’s come SO SO afar since we’ve been together (15 years) but still makes me just go, I don’t i thought we’d finally found the maintence that was working.... maybe that was naive .... maybe it’s just a lifelong thing. And all we can do is manage it as best we can .

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 5htp is natural medication.
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OP Thanks he that didn’t do well for him at all he had a few issues on it.

He currently takes magnesium, B12 and a few others.
I spoke to him this morning and he let me know something he found out yesterday morning from his auntie about another shitty a*s thing his deadbeat dad did. His dad had been taking some of the money that we sent over to help pay for his grandmothers surgery (after he didn’t even tell her she nearly died, this women raised my husband for 3 years at one point and our daughter has her name.)
We had to send the money to him to get it to her, and he thought he’d help himself to a bit of it cos he’s already paid some things for his mum (his dad actually has a decent job and even travels which from his city if you travel, your “Rich”
He’s just an asshole I understand how he sets my husband off cos he triggers me really badly too, and I don’t give a shit about the guy. I only care cos my husband is involved.

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