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My husband has ED and refuses to get it sorted To embarrassed I guess. been years together but I can’t cope with a sexle

Answered 2 years ago

My husband has ED and refuses to get it sorted To embarrassed I guess. been years together but I can’t cope with a sexless marriage I feel so lonely and detached He works away but is home on weekends

Together 15yrs. 2 kids.
10 years ago he had a heart attack meaning he had to go on medication that’s effecting his libido I began to notice as the years went by his sex drive & erections were becoming non existent I know it’s common for his age 49 and on heart medication but it’s effecting his confidence to have sex or even foreplay with me when I try to initiate it he pushes me away He refuses any sexual contact iv tried talking to him about how it makes me feel and that I’m not happy Iv tried being patient, happy, angry, demanding, sad kind caring sympathetic iv even given him alternatives that if he doesn’t see a doctor I may have to consider my future with him But his pride his ego and his high end job seems to have higher priority than my happiness & this angers and saddens me I don’t want us to divorce nor do I want to cheat on him, I do love him but I’m so lonely and long for that loving connection I’m only 38 I’m scared if another man showed me any attention I’d probably go


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ANSWER
2 years ago
I’ve been there and it’s heartbreaking. Your right men often feel to ashamed to seek medical help let alone talk to their wife about it. The opportunity did arise for me to get my needs, my happiness Completed outside the marriage. I went through a lot of guilt in that first year I tried to stop my affair but it becomes addictive when you finally feel desired and your self esteem is restored. I ended up seeing a councillor who explained it was completely normal for someone in my position to end up in an affair and affairs are quite common they just don’t get spoken about. If you are otherwise happy in your marriage perhaps explore other options. There are lots of men seeking similar on AM, there is also a lot of creeps but they are very easy to weed out.

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REPLY
2 years ago
I have been there too.
Turned out my husband was gay but we managed to work through it.
All good now.

REPLY
2 years ago
What happened???? How did you work it out??

REPLY
2 years ago
What happened???? How did you work it out??

REPLY
2 years ago
OP of this comment and I’m curious too. I suspect my hubby is gay.

REPLY
2 years ago
Hi, just wanted to thank you personally for your reply and advice. What other options would you suggest? He rejects me when ever I try anything sexually and it’s damaged my confidence, so now iv just given up trying, and end up going to bed crying about the lack of Intimacy we share, and thinking that this is my life now. What is AM?? And how did it turn out for you? Did you stay in your marriage? Did he find out? I feel being his partner/wife, Its my duty to stay and support him as this did all start from medication of a heart attack after all. So if I had an affair (which is becoming a strong fantasy of mine) I know I’d feel the guilt as well. :(

REPLY
2 years ago
AM is Ashley Maddison. I went through exactly what you described and also cried alone in my bed after being rejected. I’ve now had 2 affairs the first one lasted a year. I went through a lot of guilt, a lot of ups and downs but during that affair I was still trying to fix my sex life at home. I realised that’s why I was still getting depressed. It wasn’t until I saw a councillor and started seeing my affair partner for sex and my husband for marriage and family life I found my happiness. I’m in another affair now which has also lasted a year. This affair is much better as I had a lot to learn from the first one. My marriage with my husband is so much better. My self esteem has improved and I no longer feel rejected by him I’ve accepted that part of our life is over. I don’t get frustrated with him because my needs aren’t being met and we are both much happier.

ANSWER
2 years ago
What does ED stand for?

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REPLY
2 years ago
Erectile dysfunction

REPLY
2 years ago
Ah, of course. Thanks :)

ANSWER
2 years ago
You’re in a very difficult position. His ED and lack of action is destroying your marriage. And on the other hand .... Having an affair will also surely destroy it also. If you really think this is the road you will go, I think you should end things now. I hope he can find a way to not let his pride and his ego get in the way of resolving this issue. For the sake of your marriage .

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REPLY
2 years ago
Affairs don’t always destroy marriages. You only ever hear about the ones that end in disaster. Affairs are private and discreet and more than often don’t get discovered.

REPLY
2 years ago
^ perhaps not in all cases but mostly once found out they do. Maybe your experience is different. Mine is not. It’s a huge gamble either way. And I wonder if the risk is worth it.

REPLY
2 years ago
Omg yes to the affairs are private!!! In my experience more marriages survive affairs than are destroyed. Only difference is when they split they happily tell everyone.
I have a very , I don’t know how to put it, people tell me everything. I don’t know what it is about me. Even people I just meet. I I would say more long term marriages have survived an affair than the latter.

REPLY
2 years ago
^ completely disagree. Most people
I know who have had affairs have destroyed their marriage. And you just said ‘when they split they happily talk about it’. Yeah after an affair.

REPLY
2 years ago
Yes but you don’t hear about the successful affairs that stay secret. An affair should only ever be between 2 people it goes with you to the grave. My current AP has been married 15years and has had 20 affairs. Only one of the females that he knows of got discovered. So that’s 19 undiscovered affairs.

REPLY
2 years ago
^ you don’t hear about them because they are secret? So how then do you about them? A one night fling, and a one off probably easy to hide, and easier to forgive If you’re an understanding person. An ongoing affair and many flings, very hard hide to very hard to forgive. How can you possibly say most marriages could survive that? When you consider the high divorce rate, I’d say you’re very wrong.

REPLY
2 years ago
^^ 20 affairs.... that’s a lot of secrets and a lot of people keeping them. I’d say his wife is pretty dumb if she has worked it out yet. And you’re a bit naive to believe him. If he’s lying to his wife he’s most certainly lying to you.

REPLY
2 years ago
Hi, I would just like to thank you personally for your advice. It’s valid and I take on board what you have said. Thank you 🙏🏽

REPLY
2 years ago
I know because I’ve had affairs. I’ve been on AM and spoken to several men who have been successful in their past affairs. And how do you know they are hard to hide? It’s actually quite easy if you can stay grounded. The people who get caught out want to get caught they are either sick of living a lie, realise they want out of their marriage or leave for the AP (which is extremely rare, but they are the ones you hear of).

REPLY
2 years ago
Who would lie about having 20 affairs? I don’t think it’s anything to be proud of.

REPLY
2 years ago
^ I meant lie about not getting caught. 20
affairs, of course she knows ! Very possible she isn’t letting in. Perhaps she can live with it. Perhaps she is waiting for the right time to leave. Keep it up and sooner or you will get caught. You’re an absolutely fool to think otherwise.

ANSWER
2 years ago
And No he’s not gay! Sure you need to get a good erection to even think about going in through the back door. And a midlife crisis I can understand at his age. But that wouldn’t effect your erections would it?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Thank you all for your helpful reply’s. its so nice to get some advice from others when you’ve got no one else to turn too. Even thought we’ve been together 15yrs we’ve actually only been married 10mths, just B4 we got married he was ‘occasionally’ able to please me not a lot maybe for like 10 mins every 2 or 3 Mths, but it was enough to keep me content as I don’t ask for much. he promised me he’d get it sorted but he still hasn’t and it’s been 7mths now since we’ve had any sexual interaction I figured my life’s not gona get better than this, I mean 15yrs is a long time to just give up on. The though of starting all over again with someone new and all the palaver that comes with starting new relationships just fills me with dread, discovering our floors only to then decide we’re not meant to be after a few mths, or years, the on and off heartbreaks and mental health I just ain’t got the time for all that jargen, I don’t wanna kiss 100 frogs to find my prince. I’m too old for all that craic. He’s a good man and looks after me financially for anything I need. My youngest son adores his dad, And would be distroyed if we’d separated. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just hanging on for the sake of the kids and money worries. I’m scared to leave because I’m worried about the unknown.i know what to expect from my husband. He knows my floors and I know his. I know how much of a shit head he can be and him with me also, and I also know how nice, loving and caring he can be. So I guess I’m playing it safe by staying, But boy is it disappointing. I just want more sex with him. If only he got his ED sorted, we be fine. And if he doesn’t, well who knows what I might do, I just hope he doesn’t blame me for what actions I may take if this get worse. Ha... how can this get any worse!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Maybe its time to move on. You are young enough to have a whole new fabulous life, you should have 50 or more years of great sex ahead of you, sounds like your husband is not going to be able to give that to you, and he dosnt care

ANSWER
2 years ago
I think you need to go hard line on this one.
He's being selfish not considering your needs.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Pretty sure this hubby is having a mid life crisis and is gay.
Have you considered confronting him about this? Maybe his new "friend" could spend some time with both of you to get things going again.

REPLY
2 years ago
The front door may not do it for him anymore.
Offer him some backdoor and see what happens.