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Is it okay for my boyfriend to go out every weekend and come home whenever?

Answered 2 years ago

My boyfriend has gone out the past 7 weekends and comes home around 3am smelling like alcohol. He says it’s okay because he is going clubbing with his sister and friends and i should accept it because his sister is there. I feel like 1:30 isn’t too late to ask and maybe not every weekend. I also feel like clubs are a no go if you are in a committed relationship of years. While he is out he doesn’t tell me who is there i always have to see the pictures of other girls or them getting drunk later. This last time I told him he would hurt me if he went to the club for the 7th weekend in a row and it would hurt our relationship and he went anyway using excuses like he needed to drive his friend home. Well 3:30 am came around and his friend was dropping him off.

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ANSWER
2 years ago
Right, I'm not going to offer advice (from what I've read so far, it's already been said) but next time go with him. Don't tell him in advance, but have a babysitter there and be ready to walk out the door when he is. You'll get a first hand view of his intentions. If you see him frantically warding off other women, you'll know. If he seems delighted that you're going with him, you can feel reassured. Maybe it'll wear some of the novelty off for him when he sees you so into it too. Like he'll see "oh maybe we are too old for this crap" or "I don't like seeing her dancing with other guys, I'd better stop dancing with other girls". Do it every time. Or beat him to the punch and leave the kids with him for a girls night out. Hows he going to go clubbing when he's gotta be changing a shitty nappy at 11pm with a bottle in his other hand.
I went out to a club with my husband for my 21st birthday (by that stage we had twins in the NICU), it felt so icky. We were both too mature for it. The dancing and drinking in a seedy dark place with people crowding us was just yuck.

REPLY
2 years ago
The issue is I’m not 21 yet so I can’t go. But when he is out day drinking at bars with friends, including females and other couples I still don’t get invited just to hang out.

REPLY
2 years ago
Some points:
1. Yes I went to the club. My SIL had planned a surprise party for me. So we get to the club and surprise, my friends and family were there. We stayed till 9:30 and left.
2. My twins were not fighting for their lives at that point in time. They were only learning how to properly suckle and then coming home. When they WERE fighting for their lives we were by their sides for every moment we could be there.
3. Whether I win mother of the year or not is none of your business.
4. Do you ever leave your children? Are they in the care of some of the best medical professionals in the country when you do? So I don't spend every second of every single day of their lives breathing in their exhalations, sue me. When you win worlds greatest mother, I'll take your suggestions (if you have any) and also the time machine you seem to have. Then we can set to right any disappointments you have in my life.

REPLY
2 years ago
Who cares if she went out, people leave their babies for days in NICU and you're worried about a few hours 😂

REPLY
2 years ago
Thank God we can drink at 18

ANSWER
2 years ago
He can do what he wants. You just both should decide if you want the same thing or if you care enough to compromise.

ANSWER
2 years ago
How old is he and do you have kids together? I personally feel that if he has children to look after, he should not be out getting drunk every single weekend, as you both have a responsibility to look after your children. However, going to the night club seems like something a younger person would do, so if he's late teens to mid/late 20s, I can see how drinking and clubbing would seem like a fun thing to be doing with your mates etc.
I don't see clubs as exclusively for single people either. Just for people wishing to get drunk and dance and socialise. Has he cheated before and that is why you don't trust him at the nightclub?

7 weekends in a row adds up to quite a lot of money wasted on alcohol, quite a lot of time wasted recovering the next day and not being helpful to your family. I would suggest a compromise, maybe only once a month instead of every week. Or maybe a month he can go out every weekend, but then he stays home for 1/2 months.

REPLY
2 years ago
He is 22 and I am 20. The thing I’m conflicted on is we had a discussion and he agreed no clubs and he would be better about getting home when the bars close so 2am. However, since then he hasn’t changed at all and uses excuses such as I’m with my sister or I am young and should be able to party. I’m torn because I love him and out family but I don’t want to seem like he can disrespect me and lie and say he can do those things and doesn’t.

REPLY
2 years ago
Are you American?

ANSWER
2 years ago
I wouldn't be happy with it, me or my partner would ever go out to something like that without each other. Its just the way we are. But even if we were happy to do things like this on our own, 7 weekends in a row is not normal especially if he hasn't done this before and you've been together for years. I agree with the others and go along with him, how he reacts would tell you if theres something sinister going on!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Why don't you go with him? I used to love dancing the night away with my partner. We had the time of our lives. I still think fondly of all the nights out dancing & laughing with all of our friends before everything changed & there were so much responsibility.

REPLY
2 years ago
Maybe she has kids

REPLY
2 years ago
She didn't specify so why assume she does?