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Advice needed please parents 😕

Answered 4 months ago

Advice needed please. Husband and I separated 6 months ago. Amicable enough separation. I have never stopped our two kids seeing him until now. He has chosen to take in a welfare child that I asked him not to due to the very likely prospect of the child having a trauma background and being violent or sexual. As I was raped as a child, I did not want to put my kids in unnecessary harms way. He did not heed my request even after I stated that the kids would never be staying overnight while the other child is in his care.
They are ok to go over and see him after school as long as all interactions are supervised. Am I in the wrong here?


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ANSWER
4 months ago
You are right to be concerned about your childrens welfare. Many kids who come from traumatic households act out and have unresolved undiagnosed behaviour issues. If you have parenting orders in place you may need to go to court to change them, however if NONE are in place it is up to you whether you allow access.

Personally, you would assume the agency who placed the child would ensure the child is safe for your exs and your kids to be around before placing the child in your ex care.

Perhapse this is something you should go to mediation about? Request that the child is watched by someone else when your children are there. They need proper supervision and obviously he cant do that....

Replies

REPLY
4 months ago
Also if police have been called I wouldn't have my kids unsupervised around this kid. Its too risky.

REPLY
4 months ago
So Ive thought about my comment here and also want to add, kids act our for many reasons such as attention, learnt behaviour to get attention, anxiety or depression or as simple as boredom. Do you know WHY the child acts out? Finding out why may help you in how you move forward. This is a choice your ex made for his house and in his house you don't get a say much like when the kids are in his care, you don't get a say. Maybe YOU should get to know the child yourself so you know first hand who your kids will be around. If possible. Also, how people parent is different. Unless kids are battered, bruised or in actual danger you cant really do much about what occurs in his home.

ANSWER
4 months ago
How did your husband get care of this child? Is he family? Or a stranger?

ANSWER
4 months ago
More info needed! How old are all kids in this scenario? Genders? You can’t assume background of welfare child, state facts only. What do you mean by supervised visits, by who?
I do not think you’re wrong to be concerned but you know your ex more than any of us. I’m sure he cares about and loves your children just as much as you do. Only you will know if he’s switched on and responsible enough to ensure there’s no “harm” imposed on any of the children not just the ones you share together.
Maybe you can talk to the case manager of said welfare child to find out more information and share your concerns. Good luck

Replies

REPLY
4 months ago
Thanks for your response.
My kids are 6 and 8. Welfare child is 8 and has had police called to his school on multiple occasions due to his violent nature.
Dad won’t supervise properly, prefers to let the kids “play and sort it out on their own” and watches tv or plays games on his phone.
Hope this helps to fill in the blanks!