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Kids come first, I get that. But.....

Answered 2 years ago

My partner and i both have children from previous relationships. We differ slightly in our parenting. Our agreement is that in most things the kids needs come first.
But we're coming unstuck on a couple of things.
1 - his child (6) is in our bed every night that we are all together. Takes over the bed to the point that I have very little room and end up moving to the couch. I've suggested a trundle next to our bed and my partner 'joked' that I could sleep on the trundle. Am I wrong to be annoyed that I'm expected to leave my bed?
2 - I ask my children to look at him if he is talking to them, look up from tablet to answer a question or say hello/goodbye, use manners. My partner doesn't with his children. I'm the one that has to ask them to use basic manners. I'm not harsh, its just a gentle nudge.
He is a good dad and he takes his role as a parent seriously.
I'm beginning to feel very frustrated.


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ANSWER
2 years ago
A good parent instills manners so he is not fufilling that if you have remind him. Another thing is, get that child out of your bed, 6 is too old and if you dont it will be harder as the kid gets older

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REPLY
2 years ago
Not to mwntion it comes between you two and your own time. Its not appropriate and even cps would agree.

REPLY
2 years ago
Where can I find more info on CPS not thinking it was appropriate please?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Children sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag in your room . The end

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REPLY
2 years ago
The partner just sounds lazy, falls asleep and doesn’t bother putting the kid to bed

ANSWER
2 years ago
Thankfully my kids have grown out of getting into our bed but it is not comfortable at all and for us bed time is a time that we can cuddle and feel close to each other so when my daughter got into bed with us I’d let her stay for a bit then move her back to her own bed.

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REPLY
2 years ago
I'm definitely all for cuddles in bed. My children have done that but they always go back to their beds. My partner just falls asleep and so his son stays.

ANSWER
2 years ago
They don’t come first with everything

ANSWER
2 years ago
I would tell him not only are you not sleeping properly, it’s unacceptable that you are not able to sleep in your own bed.
We have a rule that if a child expects to sleep with the parent that the parent goes and sleeps in the childs bed. I would be firm on the suggestion that you sleep on a trundle!!!
This soon fixed it with my partner as he is 199cm tall, 135kg and his son is 10years old and almost 60kg so they both get pretty squashed. I know 6 years old is alot different to a 10 year old.
If your partner wishes to share a bed with their children they can sacrifice their sleep.
Not possible with all the virus restrictions atm but I would book myself a massage pointing out that you’re sleeping like shit due to being squashed all night.
I disagree with the other suggestion of elbowing the child and pulling their pillow out from under their head, I imagine this will only cause the child to have issues with you!

ANSWER
2 years ago
I think open dialogue is a must here, but you need to think it through. Have you told him these two issues, citing that you are beginning to feel frustrated and that you don’t want to..but it is impacting on the relationship?

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REPLY
2 years ago
Yes we have discussed it and although he says he understands and agrees that these two issues should be addressed, his actions are saying otherwise.
I feel that he can't bear the thought of his children not liking him if he has some basic rules.

ANSWER
2 years ago
You need to get that kid out of the bed. Nudge him ( don’t hurt him) right over into your partner. He needs to start feeling cramped and uncomfortable to see what it’s like for you. Take the pillow out from under the kids head and keep moving them out your way so that they start feeling cramped, uncomfortable and exhausted in the morning like you do. Then when the kid complains suggest they have their own bed.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Also we all get on. Our children squabble on occasion which I see as expected.