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Adopting a child

Answered 1 year ago


A mummy blogger has been met with huge backlash after revealing she’s “rehoming” her adopted Chinese son because he has “special needs” in a teary video.
Myka Stauffer told her 700,000 YouTube subscribers recently that her son Huxley, now four, had found a new “forever home” after she and husband James struggled to care for him.

The pair said they discovered he had “medical needs” they weren’t aware of when they brought him home from China following a lengthy international adoption process in 2017.M


Would you rehome the child ?


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ANSWER
1 year ago
Honestly I would have done the same thing. I wouldn't let an adopted child terrorise my children. I would end up resenting the poor kid, having been in a similar situation I can tell you the love for your own children and desire to see them have a happy life outweighs everything else.

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1 year ago
It is quite possible that having to care for his needs was severely affecting their other children and making it hard to meet all of their needs when they say their are things they want to keep private for the little boys sake, it sounds like it is probably something that would reflect negatively on him. It is possible he was violent toward their other children, maybe their baby.... perhaps being on only child where the focus can be 100% on him truly is the best thing for him. I taught a little girl who had a brother with autism who was very violent (I am not claiming all autistic chn are, this is certainly not the case). He would choke her and hit her and she was terrified of him. My heart broke for her. Their mum and dad ended up living seperately and taking turns “swapping” the kids over so that the brother couldn’t keep hurting his sisters. There are other families that put their children into care facilities because their other kids are completely missing out because all of their time and energy is focussed on a child with high needs. Don’t judge when you don’t know what things look like from the inside.

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1 year ago
Look up articles like “why I relinquished my autistic child into care”. That might give people some insight......

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1 year ago
I read that he was violent towards the other children. While I would hope they have tried to get professional help first, you have to remember that they have a baby who could be killed by a violent 5 year old. If a family with no other kids was willing to take him on that might be a safer environment for him and for the other kids.

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1 year ago
Exactly, it's no different to when families give up a foster child who is violent or abuses their kids. It happens all the time.

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1 year ago
^ exactly!
Until someone is in that situation, they don't know how they will act

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1 year ago
If he was hurting my other kids, or endangering my baby or his needs impacted the other kids getting what they needed, or I couldn’t afford his medical needs and someone else who wanted him and could take better care of him could (which I believe is their situation), then yes, I would. Being an only child to a Mum who has a medical background is probably a much better living situation for him, than a home with four other children where he struggles to get his needs med and it would be very hard to make everyone’s schedule and activities revolve around what he needs.

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1 year ago
The child will probably end up in institutionalised care, not with another family. I agree i would do the same as the family did that situation. The family shouldn't have been allowed to adopt a child with special needs. Maybe they did it to give him a loving home or maybe for a few more subscribers but they shouldn't have been able to adopt.

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1 year ago
I think it's better to give up a child then to keep them then neglect and resent them.

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1 year ago
Would you give up your disabled kids

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1 year ago
Would you risk your other children's lives not giving up a disabled child? Would you let your children live in fear, constantly being terrorised?

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1 year ago
^ This is not something a person can without a doubt, say yes or no. It's not that simple. Unless you're in that position, you'll never know what you're going to do. For me, I'd say no but if it were to happen, then I don't know

ANSWER
1 year ago
I think people who already have three kids shouldnt be able to adopt especially special needs kids who need time, compassion and more love. When you have other kids its harder to give that one child who needs a lot of energy that time. Then add therapies and appointments into the mix your other kids miss out. Its a no win situation. Hense my stance if you have kids already and arent 100% prepared dont do it. Each xhild is a blessing but you have ro be prepared for forever not just a yr or 2. They did the wrong thing used that baby and spat him out. Atleast he is better ofd now.

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1 year ago
Minus the psychological scars

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1 year ago
Absolutely revolting. This is one of the most heart breaking stories I have ever heard. How dare they rip a child from all he knows, culture, familiarity, and his normality just to throw him out when the going gets tough. He is FOUR YEARS old for crying out loud. I have absolutely no sympathy for this family. Shame on them and their horrible treatment of a 4 year old child. One who has already had such a difficult start to life. My heart bleeds for the poor child. How dare they 'get rid of him' because he blemished their perfect family. This is what is wrong with the world. I have no doubt they bit off more than they could easily handle - but EVERY single parent of a child with special needs will tell you the same thing. This story makes me absolutely livid.

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1 year ago
Hang on, have some consideration. They were very misinformed to his needs by the Chinese adoption agency. They were not prepared for a child with autism, sensory processing issues and who had had a stroke in the uterus- which means probably a lot more. I don’t think even the best mums can handle these issues, to think that you suddenly have a child with these needs in a large family needs some wider lens to judge under. I don’t think if I signed up and probably stretched for something already, and then found it was so much more demanding I could handle it. Their GPS advised them, it is important people have more respect for those who do care for special needs kids because I think most honestly couldn’t fathom the responsibility.

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1 year ago
Hang on there, nothing, I have two very unusual, very difficult children - both with special needs that require more care than most people can fathom. And I would move heaven and earth if I could to make sure they get the very best I can offer. I don't care if the child came with a missing arm or leg - this child deserves unconditional love and support, not to be passed around because "he wasn't what we ordered." This child is no less worthy of love than every single other child out there and it disgusts me that they had the audacity to adopt a child if they couldn't commit to loving him unconditionally as their own. What a horrible state of affairs. My heart is bleeding from this story.

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1 year ago
Hang on!?! There are a lot of well intentioned people out there who think they have what it takes to be a parent to a non biological child, and they attend all the training, and do all the courses, but you don't know how it's going to go until you that child is placed with you. And i think this is probably more the issue than the child's special needs!
The same as the step parent who walks away from a marriage because their partner's child is too challenging, not everyone is cut out to be a parent to a child that is not biologically and genetically theirs.

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1 year ago
They adopted him, knowing he had issues. They promised to love him as their own. When it became too hard, and their new baby came along they gave him up. Who gives away their child? When it gets tough you seek help, and there is plenty available these days.... and considering they made money from his story, they weren’t short a quid. I feel sorry for this child who has been ripped away from his family and now has to live the rest of his life with the fact they didn’t love him enough. I have not an ounce of sympathy for these white saviours. I have two children with autism, I know how hard it can be. But not for a second has giving them up being an option.

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1 year ago
We need more people like you ❤

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1 year ago
We need more people who can look after their own children???

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1 year ago
I disagree with your stance because it isn’t informed. From what I read, they adopted from China, and they were informed the child had a brain tumour. They prepared for a child with a brain tumour and suddenly found out that he had much greater special needs from this- probably they were deliberately misinformed by the adoption agency.

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1 year ago
Is that a question?????

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1 year ago
What does it matter if they were mis informed? They didn’t adopt a puppy that can be just re-home if it doesn’t fit their family or their lifestyle. This is a child. Would you give up on your child if the doctor told you they had a brain tumour but instead they had autism? Seriously.

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1 year ago
What does it matter if they were misinformed? I think their whole family life could not cope with the needs of this child, that’s why it matters. They did not have the ability or preparation to cope with this, hence the difficult decision for the GP’s to tell them to. I feel you and I won’t agree, but I do think that example is off- just like me comparing it to “would you get them to give up their child if they had a substance issue and could not care for him?”

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1 year ago
Who is ever prepared for a special needs child? Trust me, no one asks for it. You just do the best you can because you love them. No matter what. Sorry, but I can’t agree with you either.

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1 year ago
I think its hard to judge if we don't know the full story. If they really cant give him the support he needs he may be better off elsewhere. But it kind of reads like he was used primarily as a source of income for them rather than them thinking long term.

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1 year ago
Personally this is one reason why i believe why adoption should be HARDER not made easier!
It's about a family for the child, not a child for the family.

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1 year ago
Yesssss 👍

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1 year ago
What pathetic humans they are. life has lots of challenges and ups and downs and this includes health issues with children.

Sounds like they wanted to have an accessory and be given accolades for adopting a child and now reality has kicked in they just offload the poor child.

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1 year ago
Perhaps. Or perhaps they thought they were doing the right thing at the time?
I know people who have gone into foster care thinkin they would be saving kids who would be grateful and appreciative, only to have their household possessions smashed &get bitten or kicked and have children run away every month or more frequently. So they give up on the children. The irony being that the children probably act out so they can prove that the new carer didn't care about them anyway and will just get rid of them. So it reinforces the child's shitty behaviour.
Do u think people WANT to give up on these children? Probably not, but they know they cannot cope themselves,it impacts their own family and personal relationships, and they are not qualified for dealing with these behaviours.
Adoption is not the same as having a biological child you have that connection with biologically that stops you abandoning your child when shit hits the fan! The problem was letting them adopt in the first place

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1 year ago
America hasn't got free health care like us, they pribably can't afford it.

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1 year ago
That is a very important point as well!

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1 year ago
Honestly who are you to judge?
If they are not cut out to be parents to him, then why should they waste more of his precious life pretending and not giving him their 100%??

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1 year ago
Would you dump your disabled child ?

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1 year ago
So i know you think this doesn't happen, but i worked in a hospital where a child with high care needs was being looked after by nursing staff because his parents effectively gave him up to child protection because they did not have the ability or means to take care of him.
It was obviously not an easy decision on them.
So all I'm saying is don't be a c##t!

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1 year ago
Everyone is so quick to jump but no one knows what actually happened for them to make this decision. I hope they do come out explaining a bit more about the situation.

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1 year ago
But still keep some privacy of the situation.

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1 year ago
I just hope the child is where he needs to be. Somewhere he is safe, protected and loved 💙

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1 year ago
Same here!

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1 year ago
This is a very odd story

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1 year ago
I think it is absolutely disgusting, and they should be vilified for it.

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1 year ago
Honestly I feel bad for her.
The amount of shit she is getting is insane but at the same time you put yourself in that situation when you become a “YouTube family”. It’s not all roses and cupcakes.
I don’t agree with posting your kids all over the internet either especially for views, money and sponsorships but that’s just my personal opinion.
I wish my best to all those children honestly.

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1 year ago
They gave the child a chance of a happier life with people who can hopefully fulfil his every need. After seeing the little girl murdered this week from her father this seems like the best outcome.

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1 year ago
I have been tempted.
But jokes aside I imagine they just couldn't cope, and the child will be better off with a family that wants him. I hope the family isn't allowed to adopt again.