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I gave my ex a goodbye kiss after 2 years of him harrassing me. Should i tell my bf? I have no feelings for my ex.

Answered 2 years ago

My bf and i have dated for 2 years. My ex has been harrasing me during this time with private calls and showing up at my house and stalking me. With my bf's permission, i met him after 3 years and talked everything out and told him to stop bothering me and my bf. He felt guilty for cheating on me and i explained that i forgive him and that i want the best for him. To end things on a good note and solidify the fact that i never want to see him again EVER i gave him a goodbye hug and kiss on the lips. It was long hug and kiss because of nostalgia but it made me more convinced than ever that i do not have feelings for my ex. Did i do something wrong? I cant tell my bf because he would misunderstand. I feel guilty because i dont ever keep secrets. I truly do not have feelings for my ex, infact im finally able to enjoy our relationship without my ex harrassing us. Some advice, i want to marry my bf. If im wrong, i would rather live with my guilt than hurt him.


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Are you kidding me?
Okay, wait, I'll explain how it looks to me.
You decide to meet your EX to talk (🔻 red flag)
The ex that was stalking you (🔻 another red flag)
Without your current partner present (🔻)
You talked for a bit to try and settle any issues you have unresolved (fair enough if that's what needs to happen to close the door on the ex completely)
After making it clear that you're finished with him
You kiss the stalker ex (🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻)
And now you want to tell your boyfriend about your bullshit

Girl, tell him so he can end it with your dramatic ass. Kissing a stalker is almost a GUARANTEED way to continue the stalking. The fact you think it wasn't a big deal is disgusting. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Miss me with this "it felt right" shit. It felt like being a tramp.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Exactly!!!! Cheater. Plain and simple.

REPLY
2 years ago
Thanks for being upfront. I understand what you're saying because you are right. I wish you knew me though and understood that i am not trying to be a tramp but i understand. Thank you for the honesty. I needed to hear that.

REPLY
2 years ago
Also it is a big deal to me.

REPLY
2 years ago
God I have an ex who won’t stop messaging me and I’m in a relationship. I told him over the phone that I am in a relationship now and that was that. No meet up or anything. You sure you have no feelings ?

REPLY
2 years ago
Finally reason!!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Don’t feel guilty about the kiss if it gave you relief and a letting go. I would just be concerned that he may have taken it differently. Do you have kids together. If not block him and do everything you can to stay away.

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REPLY
2 years ago
No my bf and i are 22 years old. He has only just expressed his intention to propose to me. No kids. But we are serious with each other. I have recently gotten a restraining order against my ex to ensure that he can never come near me again.

REPLY
2 years ago
You got a restraining order but went and kissed him! You’re all shit! Women like you make us genuine women who need DVO and AVO Orders not be taken seriously!

ANSWER
2 years ago
After harassing you for two years why would you even see him! Let alone kiss him. Was it harassment or were you leading him along and just using the harassment card. Honestly this makes me angry and you wonder why you got to police and court and mention getting harassed and they never take you seriously.

You want harassment meet my daughters dad who I just got a 5 year no contact DVO on and he still rings me!

ANSWER
2 years ago
It’s done now. It was silly. Pop it all in the past and move on. Always remain faithful from now on. It’s really not that big a deal. It was one quick pash once

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REPLY
2 years ago
I'm actually surprised at how many of you on here are ok with cheating. Whether is was 1 kiss or not. Not being rude, honestly genuinely surprised.

ANSWER
2 years ago
It was a bit of a pash but a short one because my ex and i pulled away realising how awkward it was. It made us both realise that we are not compatible like we used to be (i already knew this but he didnt agree until that moment). Since then i have changed my number and blocked as many of his friends on social media as possible (he was already blocked) so now he truly has no way of contacting me. it has been 3 months and he has kept his word. That's why i feel in some way it was meant to happen eventhough i wish it didnt. I promise i have never done anything like this before and i never will again but that doesnt mean i dont feel guilty. Please try to understand that i am not a terrible person i just did something stupid.

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REPLY
2 years ago
You're not a bad person you just probably made a silly mistake in the moment.
Stop beating yourself up and ignore the judgemental and mean remarks. No one is perfect and these commenters haven't lived lives of perfect choices.
If that kiss closed the door on the past them it's a good thing. Leave that door closed and move forward. Only look to your future, don't look back.
Best off luck and be kind to yourself 💙

REPLY
2 years ago
You are not a terrible person!! It’s time to let the guilt go and not beat yourself up anymore. xx

ANSWER
2 years ago
I don’t think you should tell your current boyfriend. I would definitely block/delete the ex boyfriend from being able to contact you at all though.

Are you absolutely sure you don’t have feelings for the ex boyfriend though? Positively?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Omg you obviously know it was wrong otherwise you'd be upfront and honest with your bf and you wouldn't have these feelings of guilt.
Why the hell would you do it anyway? You've probably given the ex mixed messages and the harassment will probably start all over again.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Seems like a VERY silly move, meeting him (!) and kissing him (!) 🤯

I think youve just set yourself up for years more stalking.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Rather than go and meet with him, hug and kiss him to try to get him to stop stalking. Why didn't you just go to the police?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if your partner did this to you, then tried to hide it?

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REPLY
2 years ago
But if i tell my bf he would never get over it and it would destroy everything we have.

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2 years ago
I would feel awful. But there were no feelings and it was just a goodbye kiss and i know if tell my bf he would never get over it. I have never done anything like this before. And i know i never will again.

REPLY
2 years ago
Then you shouldn't have kissed your ex who has been stalking you?

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2 years ago
Entirely your choice but if you have to keep things like this from your partner then you don't deserve him.

ANSWER
2 years ago
We dont have kids together. We are both 22 years old and want to get married. My bf is very sensitive and i know if the roles were reversed i would dump me without trying to understand and i can expect that behaviour from my bf. I know it was a selfish thing to do but my intentions I SWEAR were not romantic in any way. My ex is a narcicist and for 2 years i did everything to push him away : blocked him, blocked his friends, played the bad guy, lied that i was dating other people, got a restraining order and nothing worked and it was only when we had a heart to heart that i realised all he wanted was forgiveness from me. He asked for the kiss as a goodbye thing and the moment it happened, we pulled away because it was awkward and he finally realised that we can never be what we were. Since then he has kept his word and for three months i havent heard from him. This is why it feels like the kiss was supposed to happen in order for that chapter of my life to be over but i wish it didnt have to happen the way it did, at the cost of my conscience because i do feel guilty but i would rather feel guilty than hurt my bf. I guess what i am after is just a way to vent this because i can never tell anyone and i want someone to understand that i did a stupid thing that i have never done before and will never do again and am i an awful person?

ANSWER
2 years ago
What kind of kiss was it? Quick, closed mouth peck or a pash? If the latter, then yeah you probably should tell your BF because likely the harassment and stalking won’t stop if you gave your ex that kind of signal. Even if it had no meaning for you.

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REPLY
2 years ago
It was a bit of a pash however it was very clear between my ex and he swore that we would never see each other again that's why i let him kiss me as a goodbye. It has been about 3 months since and he has actually kept his word.

REPLY
2 years ago
A bit of a pash. My ex asked for the goodbye kiss and it was very clear that it was a goodbye thing from BOTH sides. I have since changed my number and blocked him on everything (he was blocked before as well) and he has kept his word and has not contacted me in 3 months. I did it because my ex felt so guilty about cheating on me that he kept trying to win me back and only after the chat and the goodbye kiss we both said that me and him would never be able to work ever again and he finally accepted that. In a way i am glad it happened because it made this whole mess i have been dealing with for 2 years end and my ex finally has gotten the message that he needs to leave me alone because we will never work. i wish that i hadnt it and simultaneously it felt like the right thing to do. I know i sound like a terrible person.