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Do you regret not having a third baby?

Answered 5 days ago

I keep trying to talk myself out of having a third baby, but I wonder if I’ll regret not having one? We can afford a third, but it’ll definitely change our lifestyle, plus I do not get any support (hubby works long hours, not much family help) and I worry about not giving the two I have as many opportunities and less attention. Please help!


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ANSWER
5 days ago
I feel sorry for mums with more than one child it would be very hard in every way. Fair play to parents with more than one it wouldn’t be easy I’d say.

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2 years ago
We have contemplated a 3rd for 6 years. And now were trying for #3. If it's been on our minds for years I know we will regret not doing it. So we're going for it!

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2 years ago
^ all the best xx

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2 years ago
We have 6 year gap between 2 and 3 its great the older ones are easy by then

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3 months ago
we did this….. I was desperate for a third for many years and we tried and tried with no success. I finally fell 4years later (just as I was about to give up) and now I feel regret that I pushed so hard for it. The age gap will be so big (7and 9) and I am now dreading spending the next decade doing the same things as the last. I can’t believe I feel this was as I so desperately wanted a third……. But the reality now feels very very overwhelming…… and if I am honest, like a big mistake. Feeling very sad and confused

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1 month ago
We have the same age gap (7 & 9 years) and our third is now one. My husband had wanted a third for years so I finally caved and thought “well it’s now or never”. I’m not much of a baby person but I love having our little girl, everyone isn’t he family adores her and the bond between her and my Elbe at son is the absolute sweetest thing! This may sound morbid but the reason I finally agreed to another was because when I was a teenager my friends older brother passed away (she was one of 3) and I always though “at least she has her sister for comfort. I can imagine it would be horribly lonely if that happened and you were one of two or even worse an only child. So this always stuck with me.

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2 years ago
I feel sad writing this, but I regret the third too...though as I write this I don’t know if that is true. It’s hard work. If my first and second were in reverse order, I think it would have been better as my oldest is very sensitive and demanding on us...we just don’t have the time or stress management skills to handle the three together. Oldest is 9, youngest 2. The third is a pleasure, but walking parks and stuff all over again with the school pickups for the other two is some kind of torture for me. With the first child I was the best parent I knew, the second I was managing to kind of pull it off but I was no longer the best parent to the first, and now with the third I don’t know what I’m doing. We have no family support and hubby is a good father but work pulls him away too. Goodluck with your decision, I though you might just like some insights from my situation. Best

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2 years ago
I'm due with third in a few weeks and honestly I feel this.
I feel like this is a terrible mistake. 😔
And it's not something you can bring up during antenatal appointments either.
I just don't feel connected to this pregnancy

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2 years ago
This would definitely be me. I feel like it’s almost a natural yearning to want ‘one more’ as you get out of the baby phase with current kids or Are starting to ‘mature’ (read this lightly it’s not supposed to invoke horrible feelings or comments)
So I think it’s a big thing to take into account

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2 years ago
I wrote the initial response. I didn’t feel connected to the third either, and it did take some weeks..but it did come after a few weeks. Just trust in that, that’s all I can say xx The baby smell is irresistible and you will be cuddling up to them like the others, now this one co sleeps(one way for me to feel like he is getting some time in the chaos of it all) goodluck with your birth and I think you can raise it, they hear this stuff all the time!

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1 year ago
I can relate to that too. Best parent with one, did pretty good with two. Since third one came to play I am absolute mess. Not much support either. He isn’t easy child, very stubborn and pushes all our buttons. We love him and all, but our family’s dynamics have changed so much. I am the worst version of myself. He is two and I am still sleep deprived, pernamently agitated mess.

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1 year ago
My kids age between 9 and 1. I get how its tough going back to the toddler stage but honestly the toddler stage was never my favourite stage anyway, I prefer when they are 4 onwards as I enjoy seeing them develop their own interests and having more involved conversations. So I know that I will have this to look forward to.

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3 months ago
How do you feel now that baby has arrived?

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1 year ago
I had my third, i regretted it the whole pregnancy, felt like it was the worst mistake ever, literally couldn't sleep or eat because it felt like such a mistake, cried all the time because i thought it was ruining the other kids lives and maybe i should have had an abortion.
But then along came baby and i cannot tell you how much i love this little bubba! I could not imagine my life without them. Sure there's some changes in life 😂 and money is tight because I'm not at work anymore, but golly gosh I'm so happy my little baby is here and i miss every minute I'm not directly with them ♥ ♥

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9 months ago
I hope this happens to me! I've known for about a week now that I'm pregnant with my 3rd and I'm having all the negative thoughts you listed. I pray that I didn't screw things up for my other two and we can continue to live our same happy life that we have now. Glad your experience with number 3 turned out positive

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3 months ago
I am 15 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and so upset/scared/regretful I am pregnant. No part of me wants a third. Curious how you are feeling now that baby has arrived?

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6 months ago
I have three. 8, 5 and 11 months. Yes I regret having a third.... I always wanted a big family. I never thought I would stop at two. But I did not realise the impact it would have. We are financially well off and my husband works a lot too. I’m a stay at home mum. To be honest since having her I’ve struggled big time. Yes I love her. She is beautiful and her big sisters adore her. But I’m not sure I would’ve had her if I’d of known what it would really be like.

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3 months ago
Can you elaborate on what you mean about the challenges of going from 2 to 3. If I had a third my kids would be the exact same ages as you. We are financially comfortable too but my husband WFH.

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9 months ago
Yes, I very much regret not having a third baby. Your post sounds similar to something I would have written 10 years back and if I was giving my old self advice it would be to definitely go for a third....as soon as possible!
We have healthy 19 and 16 year old boys (we had our first-born back in 2001 when I was 25 years old). Between the ages of 42 and 44 I had 3 first trimester miscarriages, the last one was 5 months ago. I wish so much that we had tried for a 3rd much, much earlier. Life kept getting in the way and we kept postponing until suddenly it’s not that easy any more. I’m saddened as my husband would have liked a third or even more too. I have met so many people recently with 3 children and I feel so jealous.
Had we had a 3rd, we wouldn’t have got additional family-help and we would have still had to work....that would have been ok though, we would have managed and we would have been very, very happy.
Your other 2 children would most likely adore a younger sibling. What do you mean you won’t be giving them the same opportunities? Do you mean financially? If so, I think you should scrap that kind of negative thinking pronto! I’m sure you’ll still give them plenty of attention too. The benefits to having a third would fully outweigh the negatives.
Go for it, and I wish you the very best of luck!

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7 months ago
Oh my god I am on the same situation you talked about my self I have 2 boys 18and 16 and I’m regretting not having the third I feel jealous when I see others with 3 sibling and now I’m a43 and so scare to try 🙃

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10 months ago
We went for a third. Yes life is busy (but it is with 2 anyway!), yes we needed a bigger car (but not really much bigger than you need for 2 anyway). Eventually we will need a bigger house but while they are young it is actually BETTER being in a smaller and easier to manage house.

The joy of having our third far outweighs the financial or time cost to have it. Each of our babies is so unique.

Also I wouldnt worry about not being able to focus as much on the other two - it will just become a different type of attention, plus they will help each other out as a little tribe of kids. It is great!

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10 months ago
We went for three children I found the jump from two to three far easier than 1-2 or even 0-1. Yes you need a bigger car and potentially a larger home nearer the teenage years however having three actually highlights the differences in all of your children. I spent a lot of time comparing my two oldest before no3 arrived now I see each girls uniqueness. They have lovely relationships between them and I’m even playing with the idea of a fourth..... My grandmother had five girls over 20 years I asked her why she didn’t stop at two or three and she said it wasn’t her choice each child was a gift in her life’s plan which I found a refreshing way to view things. However I won’t be passing four personally if I even make a decision. Good luck on your decision though I find three awesome xx

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1 year ago
It's a no for me but to each their own

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1 year ago
No

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1 year ago
Hell no. The second was a surprise shortly after the first and I know my limitations. I had very clear goals with regards to returning to work and my career so I had a tubal whilst they performed my Caesarian for my second child.
I still managed to pick up three more along the way though. My niece lives with me full time and my new partner has 50% shared care of his two and we now live together.
So essentially I have 5 kids 7 nights a fortnight 3 the rest of the time - 14, 14, 16 are mine and his is 8 and 11.

I have been heard muttering “we are going to need a bigger boat” on many an occasion lol

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1 year ago
I regret having number 3

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1 year ago
My only sibling passed in his 20s. My partner and I decided to have 3 kids, so if something happened to one they'd always have another to turn to. Now however, as we realize the devastating impact climate change will have upon the world, we're both really struggling with the anxiety of what the future holds for our kids. As hypocritical and preachy as it sounds, at least with two you won't feel the same guilt that you're contributing to world overpopulation.

I think choosing to have a third child is mostly a self centered decision (because of the enrichment you believe they will bring your life). Choosing to be a parent (to any number of children) is a selfless act made each and every day.

Having more children will reduce the amount of resource (time, money, and care) that you can lavish on any one of them individually, and also the amount of global resource available to support their lives as they get older.

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1 year ago
nope

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1 year ago
Wow I hope you all realise how lucky you are having more than one. I keep trying for number 2 but it never sticks.

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1 year ago
Ive had the third and now im worried i might regret not having a fourth!

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1 year ago
God no. We are 4 or 5 years from having an empty nest 😂😂

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1 year ago
We had a third baby, I was a bit hesitant and dubious about it, but I do not regret it at all. She brings joy to our whole family, she’s hard work, a character, full of life and just a little legend. She is a big ray of sunshine and just knowing I’ll see her little face each day makes me smile 100%.

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2 years ago
I have three. No regrets at all. I didn’t find three any harder than 2. Tho I am lucky to have three healthy well behaved kids and a supportive family.

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2 years ago
Good for you 👍♥️

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2 years ago
I think the supportive family is the big indicator here.. my kids are well behaved too, but not having that aspect is a big difference..I have no one to collect the kids if i am tired or would like some alone time.

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2 years ago
Agree. Going from 2 to 3 kids was no big deal. I found the leap from 1 to 2 was a much bigger adjustment. I don’t have family around to help out either.

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1 year ago
I feel the same. Absolutely 0 regrets. I feel absolutely blessed to have 3 healthy children and would love to have a forth.All of our family live an hour away and our three kids are all boys, loud as anything and not overly well behaved, but I found going from 0-1 the biggest challenge mentally and emotionally than going from 1-2 or 2-3.Lots of women have 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 children, without a regret in the world, but whether to have a third or fourth child seems to be an area of contention for many. I don't think its the number of children that is the issue, women can feel absolutely pushed to their limit with 1 child, I think it's about your own personal limits, how supported you feel/are, how you are coping mentally and emotionally, not about someone else's experience with a particular number of children. As I mentioned, my hardest transition was 0-1 because mentally and emotionally I had not developed good coping skills in my life.Hard times are always temporary, so in relation to potentially regretting not having that child, it is well worth it in my opinion.

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1 year ago
I also agree with another comment, if you can plan for a 3-4 minimums age gap, do it.

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1 year ago
Not at all

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2 years ago
Why 3rd ?
I regret not having my 8th

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1 year ago
because 2-3 is a very common decision these days, 7-8 is very rare

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2 years ago
So I’m sure I’ll get slammed for this.

But I kept my number of children at what I know I could handle all on my own.
Iv got 2 kids because I knew that even if my life when to shit and I ended up on Centrelink payments, I couldn’t support myself and 2 kids on that.
I wanted a 3rd, but in a way as an insurance policy I didn’t. As I knew I couldn’t handle 3 alone comfortably.
My youngest Starts school next year. I was gifted a house at the start of the year, so I am now in a position I can handle a 3rd on my own.
But with my last entering school the desire has dissipated , I’m looking forward to dating my husband, spending time on my hobbies, enjoying myself for 2 hours a day guilt free lol. Having day time sex with hubby , surfing today.
5 days a week lol my mind is blown at how much life is going to change in 3 weeks.
My kids never went to preschool so iv had kids with me for 8 years.

I honestly think it’s something people don’t consider as much as they should, if your marriage breaks down, if he dies, if anyone gets sick.... can you handle it with 3?

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2 years ago
Good for you babe. I've never heard anyone put so much thought in it but i completely understand ♥️
Ps ignore any comments from miserable trolls x

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1 year ago
Not slamming at all, everyone is different. There are those of us who could afford / manage 3 on their own. I mean we wouldnt be rich and it would be hard but I earn enough I could work 4 days a week and support us, my family would help, and theres a big spread between the ages of my 3 so the oldest does help with the toddler a bit. I did think about this before I had number 3 and you never know how you would cope of course but I did have plans in place.

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1 year ago
^ETA we had also paid off our house by the time number 3 is born. Ideally we will move to a bigger place but if shit hits the fan we couldnt be kicked out.

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1 year ago
I wanted a third, we were going to try then decided financially not to . The I feel pregnant years later my youngest was almost nine and terminated as to big of an age gap and financially as well . We ended up separating not long after so I would have had the baby in my own so .

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2 years ago
Not having the rhird we talked about was the best decision we could have made. Our youngest left home last year. We have down sized to a unit after selling the house. Husband working part time now as we no longer have school fees. My business is going gang busters now I can dedicate more time. It was hard enough waiting for the youngest to go. I would have been awful to be around if i had to wait another 5+ years.

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1 year ago
This is our dilemma at the moment. We had my eldest when I was 20 and OH 24 and had our second 3yrs later. Fast forward to today and the youngest starts school this year and I was going to get sterilised until we said we could see ourselves having one last child. But it would completely defeat our plan of having the kids while we are young and enjoying life when we are in our 40's and having them move out or at least at university. We would be adding at least another 5yrs on. But then I know I've always been a 'What if?' type of person.

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2 years ago
I have 2 kids and for medical reasons, having a 3rd is not an option. If the decision was all mine, I'm not sure if I would have or not anyway. It was a discussion that we never had

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2 years ago

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2 years ago
I have two teenagers and have no regrets not having a third, fourth or fifth. Nobody I know regrets having their third but they do admit it would have been easier with two. My first got quite sick after my second was almost two, so in my case we were preoccupied with hospitals visits. Managing her condition really sucked a lot of our energy and time so in a way I’m glad I only had two for that reason. It has been easier with holidays, schooling and life in general.

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2 years ago
I agree with this. I love my 4 children and don't regret them at all.
At the same time, i do often think about how much easier life would be with just 2 in relation to things like holidays, new cars, parent teacher interview scheduling, returning to work etc.
And whenever there is an emergency (like taking one of my children to hospital), it ends up being a case of one parent stays with the sick child and one needs to mind the rest at home. Even though we have heaps of family around, no one can easily accommodate our other children so we can both be with our sick child.

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2 years ago
My 3rd is almost a year old, I regretted it to start with but only because my other kids are older and we were finally getting some where. But at the end of the day they aren't little forever and soon enough they'll all have their own lives. For us, had we not had number 3 we would have always regretted it.

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2 years ago
We are very similar but I wouldn't say i regretted to start just that it was hard if I hadn't had him i know I would have regretted it big time and i was getting older

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2 years ago
I have 3 kids, my 3rd is almost 10. It was really difficult logistics wise. I had mine fairly close together so i had 3 under 5. My advice would be to make sure at least one of your kids is at school already. I find my self sometimes wondering/fantasizing how much easier it would be if I had stayed at 2 but I have never regretted having a 3rd. I can't even remember what it was like having only 2 kids. one thing to consider is, everything seems to be be built for families of 4. Family passes and things always accommodate 2 kids not 3, it is cheaper to get a 3 bedroom house renting or buying than a 4 bedroom house and having 3 kids in the back of a 5 seater smaller car can be painful.

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2 years ago
No, I have not regretted it. I knew after my second one was born that I was done. It also turned out that I had some complications after his birth and it was highly suggested that I didn’t have any more. I am very happy with my 2, they are 10 and 14.

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2 years ago
I’m having my forth in a couple of weeks. There have been times I regretted having my third with time divided and feeling like my second didn’t really get a chance to be the one who I focused a lot of attention on. My third has got a lot of attention from me and that was the age gap rather than the number of children. My forth is a lot more of a gap and it is nice to have had spent that time with my other children without feeling like they are being left out. My only advice is to have a 3-4 year minimum gap just so your second can have some extra time being the “baby”. Other than that I don’t regret having three, I actually love it, I just wish that I could have given some extra time to my second before having the third.

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2 years ago
I gave birth to my 3rd 8.5 weeks ago. It’s not been easy having 3 under 5 yrs with no family around, but I absolutely do NOT regret it. Before becoming pregnant I finally felt like we were starting to get ahead financially. I was back at work after having time off to have the first 2, hubby was starting earn decent money on reduced hours (owns his own business), and we were starting to make plans to do things like Reno’s to the house and planning holidays.
Now I’m off work again ( without paid parental leave), hubby is working long hours again because he’s had 2 experienced employees resign, and all our plans have been put on hold again.
I know I would have regretted not having a third.