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Moral question. Say something or kerp out of it?

I have a close work friend, we also share a house now. She has been having an affair with a guy we also work with (big company). Its been going almost 2 years. She finally left her long time partner - didn't tell him it was for someone else. He's married, I've met his wife a few times and she really is lovely. I feel awful knowing what's going on. My friend and i have had several fights about it. She's convinced he will leave his wife but, as much as they are in love, i just don't think he will risk it all for her. He's got a lot to lose financially, possibly his job, respect of many close friends and family, his kids etc. Do I tell the wife? I'd lose my friendship with both of them and we wouldn't all be able to work together anymore. As i write this I'm seeing that it's nothing to do with me and yo not get involved. But i feel involved as i know and he comes to our house etc.


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Answers (7)

You're friend is a shitty person. I would find a new housemate and ditch her. She has put you in a compromising position where you know everyone involved and when the shit hits the fan (and it will) it could make things very uncomfortable at your work!

Tell HIM that you are uncomfortable keeping their secret. Let him make the choice to take their affair away from your presence, or have you tell his wife. He might decide it is not worth the risk and dump your “friend”, or it may be the catalyst to him leaving his wife. Either way, you have declared you no longer want to be in the middle and you have removed yourself from it.

To be honest I don't think losing your friends would be that big a deal. I agree with the the other posters, she is a terrible friend and has put you in an awful situation. I would tell them you are uncomfortable with the situation and you want her to move out. If you were in the wife's situation, would you want someone to tell you or find out later that everyone knew and no one bothered to say anything? Personally I think that you are more morally obligated to tell the wife.

Tell the wife, she deserves to know.
Imagine how you would feel if it was your husband and everyone knew.
How humiliating

It really depends on how much you value your friendship.

Either way you won’t win, you just need to go with what you believe is the right thing to do. You tell her, lose friends and need to find another job. You don’t tell her and realise how shit your friends are to put you in this position, but don’t have to find another job.