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Hate my newborn

Answered 2 years ago

I have a 3 week old baby . He is my third
Im hating it
Hating the newborn stage
Feel like this time around the newborn stage is taking forver
Just want him to sleep thru night.
No sleep is making me resent him
Had him via c section and had complications so couldnt hold him for two days
No breastfeeding
Just dont feel a bond to him
Seriously getting angry at my other two boys (9 and 4) and am hating the newborn for making me like this
Cant fricken excercise. Just over it
Because im so sleep deprived my diet is bad.


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Sending you love during this difficult time. It’s okay to not love the newborn stage. You are still a wonderful Mumma. Look after you. Fill your cup. Give yourself time. You are a Mumma of three. It’s okay to feel this way- you are not alone ❤️ Accept any help that is offered. Reach out to close family and friends xxx

ANSWER
2 years ago
There is nothing wrong with hating a situation and lack of sleep, being a parent isnt always easy.
I have twin boys (4months) who were both in nicu for a week, i wasnt able to hold them for 3 days due to complications in the birth, i was still able to build a strong bond with both bubs, both are now thriving, happy and growing, they didn't start sleeping through the night until 3 months..
Not trying to come across rude at all but it is about mindset, negative misndset = negative outlook, find ways to bond with your baby, set realistic goals with bub (3 weeks he wont sleep through the night, frustrating yes, but its still something that needs to tendered to until he can) set realistic goals for yourself (make a healthy breakfast and beautiful coffee to start the day) youll be amazed at how much little things can change your outlook, if you nurse him to sleep, take a deep look at all those cute features, the wind smiles, im hpping you have a good support system around you, 2 kids and a newborn is tricky, but at the end of the day they need a healthy happy mumma too.

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REPLY
2 years ago
If OP has PND it has nothing at all to do with mindset, or changing your outlook. It’s a serious condition that requires medical intervention.

REPLY
2 years ago
You can have a stressful birth/struggling to adjust to a new situation without having PND

Yes they may be the case, but two things -
1. You cant force someone to seek help
2. Newborns are an adjustment, some people might have cruisy situations or been more excited with previous pregnancies


REPLY
2 years ago
^of course you can. And I hope that is all it is for OP. But PND is such an insidious beast that this is the very first thing that should be investigated before suggesting a change in attitude. And such a suggestion in itself might make a person who really does need professional help to feel shame, and keep their feelings to themselves.

REPLY
2 years ago
and no you cannot force a person to seek help, unless they become a danger to themselves and others and in extreme circumstance it does come to that....but OP is reaching out and is clearly asking for
Help.

REPLY
2 years ago
PND doesn't just pass. She needs help from a professional

REPLY
2 years ago
I was in shoes similar to op, and it did pass and I did not need help. We can argue til the end of time, but please don’t shut someone else’s response down, I agree with her and she gave very good advice.

REPLY
2 years ago
^i don’t think my advice should be shut down either. If you read my replies you will see I didn’t discount her post. I said I hope she’s right. But it really isn’t good advice to tell her to simply adjust her outlook. Not until PND has been ruled out. Because PND is not about attitude. It’s an illness, a life threatening one and the sooner it’s addressed the better the outcomes.

REPLY
2 years ago
Yes we know........

REPLY
2 years ago
Don’t try and put a label on her straight away. I went through this too and changing my mindset helped. I went for walks, I got fresh air, I cuddled my baby and took deep breaths. I refused to see a doctor for fear of being labelled as depressed. I fixed myself. I think you can try and help yourself before rushing to a doctor and being dosed up on unnecessary meds.

REPLY
2 years ago
It’s not about putting a label on someone it’s about ruling it out before rising the storm, becoming more positive, going for a walk and all of those other things suggested above..

Those who are arguing against me clearly do not grasp how serious PND is. Does OP saying she hates her baby not ring any alarm bells for you? It does form me and seeing someone immediately is such a matter of importance that I don’t care if me saying it over and over is causing some of you to roll your eyes and tell me ‘yes we get it’.

I truly hope some Fresh air and change of attitude is all OP needs. Because PND is an awful illness and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

REPLY
2 years ago
Also, you cannot fix PND yourself. Depression is not the same as feeling low, nothing like it at all. It doesn’t go away on its own left untreated
It festers.. It’s a serious life threatening illness that requires medical intervention. Medication being only one approach so fear of that shouldn’t put anyone off seeking help.

I know I’m sounding like a broken record but I don’t care How many of you I am irritating if OP goes and speaks to someone pronto.

REPLY
2 years ago
^^ I agree 100% . I made the PND doesn't just pass comment. If it does for someone, that's fantastic. It really is but what if it doesn't pass? Would the OP be willing to take that risk?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Have you considered co-sleeping? I didn't plan to but ended up doing it and loved it. Everyone in the house got a full nights sleep which kept us all much happier. If you are going to do it, be sure to look up how to do it safely.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Wen I had my 3rd I said I said I would never do it as I was so exhausted from looking after 3 and was worried that at night I would squash her or something. U could hit me and I wouldn’t wake. But 6 weeks in I could just not get up and put her in bed one night and we had the best nights sleep ever. We didn’t do it every night but did when we needed that extra sleep

REPLY
2 years ago
Oh god, don’t suggest that. She’d never forgive herself if she rolled over and killed her baby. It does happen.

REPLY
2 years ago
Co-sleeping could help this mum but she needs to also get one of the bassinets. She is exhausted and should be really careful when co-sleeping.

REPLY
2 years ago
You can get the bassinets that open up to the bed. It can be done safely. It was safer for me to do that than to try get up dead like a zombie and feed her I once feel asleep on the rocking chair and just caught the baby as she was falling out of my arms onto the floorboards I was that tired I didn’t even remember falling asleep. It would have been safer having the baby next to me than hitting it’s head on the floorboards

ANSWER
2 years ago
🌸💕
You don’t hate him. You hate the situation. And he’s the reason for the situation.
I hate to say this here cos I n in is it might be poorly received as it’s not everyone’s cupppa tea...



This too shall pass.



Soon he’ll start to show his little personality and bit by bit you’ll fall in love. People might ask you in 6 years, hows it like having three kids? And you’ll probably feel like if you can have your son but only have two kids you’d take it, but to not have him, you never would.
He will grown. He WILL sleep.
In all the situations iv seen with friends in your shoes... their third becomes the golden child. The one that softens them. That teaches them a new level of love. A love that’s beyond any sacrifice you ever made for the other two.


This too shalll pass mama.
You will fall in love with him one day. And he will probably become the family jewel.

I cried for 11 months when I found out I was pregnant with our 4th. She is the light of our family. I can’t even remeber how I felt , though I remeber resenting the situation I was in.

But I can tell you... I remeber when she was 3 months and 2 days. I had been trying to settle her for hours getting so mad. Then I sat with her. And I fell in love with her that night. 7 years on I’m closer to her than all my kids. EVERYONE in our family is closer to her than anyone.
She’s such a special, unique human. And someone I had no idea our family desperately needed.

I promise, you will fall in love with him eventually. Be kind to yourself. He is here for a reason. And he is a gift.
💕💕

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REPLY
2 years ago
What? You feel a greater love for your third child than your first 2? Did I read that right??

The OP says she hates her newborn. HATES. She shouldn’t wait for this ‘to pass’. She should seek help immediately. Sure, she might be going through what you did. But it could be something with deeper and darker roots and should be addressed urgently. This does not deserve to be minimised.

REPLY
2 years ago
Sigh..here we go

REPLY
2 years ago
No you didn’t read that right at all I said nothing about more love for her.
I said I’m closer to her. Everyone in our family is. She’s the darling of everyone in the families eye.

Yes that’s fine and many others suggested that. So I suggested words from my own experience.

This too shall pass has helped me many tunes over. It’s a reminder that hard won’t always be hard and good won’t always be good.

REPLY
2 years ago
There is nothing wrong with your response. I actually thought it was lovely and helpful. And to the other responder, no, you did not read that right. She never said she loved her more, she said she was closer to her. I have three kids who I love the same but I have a closer bond with my boy than my girls. But I love them all the same.

ANSWER
2 years ago
There is a website, i think it's called PANDA with some information about how you're feeling after having a baby.
It's good to reach out to people (sometimes close family, hubby don't understand) but your child health nurse and gp will.
♥♥

ANSWER
2 years ago
You need a good sleep, a good meal and a rest! Is it possible your partner etc could do this for you? I’ve been here when my 2nd was born so i understand you feeling this way. I hope you can get the rest you need, be kind to yourself. Good luck x

ANSWER
2 years ago
I hope you get through this and you and your baby are ok.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Good on you for being honest. That's half the battle. Sending you love and hugs.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Hate is a very strong word. Speak to your Maternal Child Health Nurse TOMORROW.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Hate is just a word, a describing word, its ok to use it, we shouldnt create shame around strong communication.

REPLY
2 years ago
Agree. There’s worse words than hate that are similar. Like detest

ANSWER
2 years ago
Defo get to a doctor/child health nurse, and seriously consider co sleeping. I did with my third - it was the only way to survive. Good luck, life is totally shit sometimes, just keep going, one hour at a time ❤️

ANSWER
2 years ago
Do some skin to skin with baby- probably not what you feel like doing right now, but it will help generate oxytocin for you and him and help you bond. Take some big sniffs of his head. Pop him under your shirt and sit in a recliner or somewhere else comfy with him and try to relax. Call your midwife or family health nurse and let them know how you are feeling. Let 9 and 4 year old watch tv, play video games etc. - it will be easy to get back into routine once you’ve healed a bit more and can be up and about, but for now, do whatever is easiest and gives you the most peace. Pay or bribe the 9 year old to help with the four year old (help get him drinks, snacks, put movies on for him etc). Let them know you’re having a hard time right now and you’d really appreciate their help. This is not forever, before you know it you’ll be able to put Bub in a pram and get the big boys in their scooters and go for a nice long walk. For now, get the big kids to fend for themselves, you relax on couch, hold bub , sniff that baby hair and watch a show you like for distraction. Good luck and remember to reach out to midwife, nurse or gp for help xoxo

ANSWER
2 years ago
I had the same problem with my first one 40 years ago now. He was a C section and then complications breastfeeding, I was in hospital for 2 weeks and when I got home, nothing seemed to go right. Friends all came round and said how lucky I was but I wasn't feeling it, I felt ashamed because of these horrible feelings I had about him, whenever people asked what his name was, I couldn't remember. It took 3 months before I came right. 20 years on I happened to hear the symptoms of PND and it was like a light bulb came on , that's what I had and back then I'd never heard of it so I just kept my shame to myself and my mouth shut and soldiered on.
All I can say is talk to a health professional you trust and good luck.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Sending you love and hugs

ANSWER
2 years ago
Get off this site and call your gp

ANSWER
2 years ago
You don't hate your newborn. You hate the situation you find yourself in. You cant excercise now but you will be able to soon so instead of dwelling maybe go for light walks. It will help with endorphins which make us happy. ,speak with your mch and gp and partner as well. Dont look at your child as a problem. He is a blessing many others would love but cant have of their own. You feel low its normal but hating ur baby isnt so please tell your partner and gp

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REPLY
2 years ago
Beautiful response, I’ve been here op, it will pass- the third is a tricky balance but you will love this little pumpkin just the same and probably more as the baby. You’re doing ok, just hold tight and be kind to yourself- the whole family is adjusting not just you, you’ll all find your new place x

ANSWER
2 years ago
Hire a babysitter or get your partner to watch the kids and have a really good sleep. Use noise cancelling headphones to sleep if your spouse/sitter watches them at home due to restrictions.

Being overtired may be playing a huge part. No one is at their best exhausted, be kind to yourself.

If the feeling continues when you are caught up on sleep than see your doctor. Get your doctor to also check your iron levels as it may make you feel extra tired.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Book an appointment with your doctor as soon as you can. Tell them what’s wrong. Call PANDA 1300 726 306 between 9am-7:30pm AEST in between waiting for your doctor. You deserve to feel happy. Your children deserve to have a happy mum. Your baby deserves to create a bond with you. You deserve to create a bond with your baby. Right now you need to get on the phone and call friends or family, if you have a partner get him/her to get off their arse and help out. Call in reinforcements. If you have no one and you’re in Brisbane I will come give you a break so you can get some time to sleep or shower and cook you a few meals.

ANSWER
2 years ago
You really need to talk to someone. You sound like you might have some post natal depression. Please, make an appointment to see your GP Or your post natal health professional and do so immediately.

Also, ignore any nasty trolls who will no doubt comment. They. Aren’t worth your time. You haven’t done anything wrong. You can’t control how you feel. But you can control what you do about it so take action right now.