Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Would you let your ex partner get your baby christened without you there?

My baby is 9 weeks old and her father has said he has organised a christening. We aren't together so I'm a bit unsure, he has only seen her briefly twice.


Got an Answer?

Answers (14)

No because I wouldn't get them christened in the first place. I think religion is a waste of time & the cause of so many problems in this world. If my kids want to explore it themselves that's fine but I'm not going to force them into anything without them wanting it first. I would have been so pissed if my parents christened me. Same goes for circumcising & baby ear piercing, let them decide don't do it for them when they have no say. Also, you should be involved in this & don't need to let it happen if you don't want it to.

I would not be ok with this. No way in heaven or hell. He's up to something

If he has only seen her twice why does he want to christen her? If he really cares he would been in her life more than twice in 9 weeks. Sounds very strange to me

How does he only see her twice in 9 weeks yet has organised a christening? Wtf? I wouldn’t be leaving your daughter alone with him or his family for a very long time

I'd say no for now and see where the next 9 weeks take you and your baby.
I would assume it's something his mother is making him do

 Lol yes mother and grandmother. I have said no for now, and will re asses once he has a relationship with his daughter.
helpful (2) 
 Wise choice. Cudo's to you for considering it in an attempt to get baby's father more involved in her life but mother and grandmother need to piss off and not force things like this onto you or your child
helpful (0) 
helpful (0) 

Contact the church if you want to be involved - they prefer to have both parents there to make vows generally.

Sounds like he's not sure he even wants to be a dad, I hope you've given baby your last name and not his!

He hasn’t signed the birth certificate forms ... I would sort that out first.
Whose last name is your daughter taking? His family maybe doesn’t want her to be a ‘smith’ if she’s not christened , who knows?!?!
Not be part of family money or not wanting baby daddy pay a cent unless she is ‘one of them’
Mum & grandma probably have a family christening gown ready to go... I wouldn’t let him have her without you around until this is decided!

Invite him to spend time with his daughter.

In reality if you and your family were preparing to christen her would you respect his wishes if he said no???

You didn’t make your daughter on your own, Remember once the birth certificate is signed he can make the same decisions as you

There's no real downside. Plus it can help with getting into better schools later on. But talk more about it for sure

OP Thanks. Even if she is christened with a different last name?
helpful (0) 
 She’ll be christened with her legal given name. It wouldn’t be a different name on a school enrolment.
helpful (0) 
 The baptismal certificate is not a legally binding document. So even if your child was christened Monkey Island Cactus Butt Jr, but their legal name is Charlie, they'd still be Charlie in their every day life. The only possible setting where Monkey Island Cactus Butt Jr would come out would be at church.
helpful (1) 
 You can’t christen your kid a different name to what’s on their birth certificate.
helpful (0) 
 ^that might be true for some churches but my nephew was christened under a different name than on his birth certificate. Birth cert says (just an example, not his actual name, although his real name is just as trashy) Bob Jack, baptismal cert says Robert John. The more traditional name his is derived from. My guess, and this is just a guess, is that the chuch wanted something closer to a saints name or something? I don't know. I'm not a Catholic, I'm not sure how they work things.
helpful (0) 
 I’m a catholic and you cannot get christened a different name. Jesus needs to check your ID before you enter so your given name must be same as christened name. Maybe it was another religion.
helpful (2) 
helpful (0) 
 😂 Jesus needs to check your ID 😂
F**k me I laughed so hard at that my toddler ran in to see what mummy was doing.
To be honest, they might not even be Catholic. I know my sister is, but her husband is some other religion (they got married in one of those "church" buildings in an industrial estate, so it could be a cult for all I know). But, I'm somewhat relieved to know that my nephew can one day meet Jesus and not need a name change form 😂

helpful (0) 
helpful (0) 
 Glad I could make you laugh!
helpful (1) 

Do you two have any kind of parenting agreement worked out? Why does he want her Christened? Does he expect her to be raised as a Christian, and is that something you're going to be on board with? Does he think her godparents will be her guardians if you both die (it's not legally binding/automatic but some people assume it is)?

 I doubt he will see her much.
helpful (0) 
 Hi sorry that was me, not troll. I meant that he hasn't bothered do far. He wouldn't sign the birth certificate so I doubt he has long term plans with his child.
helpful (0) 
helpful (0) 
 OP of comment here. He hasn't signed the birth declaration? Yikes. From what I know you're still entitled to financial child support (even if you don't want it, it's money for her, so if you really don't want it then make him pay and then you put it into the bank for her once she turns 18 or whatever). I would hold off consenting to her being christened until you know he's going to be an active part of her life. If his mum and grandma won't "accept" baby until she's christened, well tell them they can get f'd because this isn't their baby and they don't get a say in how she's raised, that's up to the people (or person) raising her.

Even though some people say christening will help her get into a good school, the schools require more than just "you're christened". You'd have to show that you go to church (they may want the details of the pastor and what church you attend) and more. And would you even want her going to a religious school? They really know how to indoctrinate kids!

helpful (0) 
 OP of comment here again, ran out of characters. I wanted to add that you can always get her christened when she's older if her dad ends up being a stellar parent and you allow him to do it. There's no age limit to being christened! Adults can join Catholicism
helpful (1) 

He’s a creep

OP He's a weirdo
helpful (0) 
 What the hell is he doing there?
helpful (0) 
 That's gold!
helpful (0) 

It wouldn’t bother me but I would like to be there.