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Is it fair the older kid gets the bigger room? Ages 13&15

Answered 1 year ago

We are looking to move into a 3 bedroom trying to find a place with same size room for the young teens but older kid always wants to pick his room
Leaving the you get feeling like he doesn’t have a say. I feel age dif is not by much so to keep it fair best find a place it’s pretty equal. Wife feels her older kid should get Priority in choosing regardless since he is older. Yes my kid is the young one, we each have our kid from previous relationships. I hate my kid cries about feeling like he hardly ever has a say in a lot of things because we are always catering to older kids request.


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ANSWER
1 year ago
It sounds like the bedroom issue isn't the only problem. Make sure your child gets to choose things that are important too, it shouldn't be the oldest one all the time. They should both feel valued equally. I kind of think the oldest should get the bigger bedroom, unless they are being arrogant about it, although single rooms are generally a similar size.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Do they both live with you full time?

ANSWER
1 year ago
No pick names out of hat

ANSWER
1 year ago
Sounds like the room isnt the only issue. Im pretty sure you have posted before about your son being ignored and Im sorry it sounds like your wife wont change. You need to stick up for your son.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Decide based on other grounds. Age is a bullshit way to decide. Who has more furniture? How will the room layout go? What will work with their current furniture?
If you can't sort this out, mate, how will you cope with the tough stuff as a couple???

ANSWER
1 year ago
Swap room every 6 months or every year & make it fair.

Replies

REPLY
1 year ago
Or on moving day, let both kids stand at the front door & run to the bedrooms, which ever one they choose is theirs. First in best dressed.

ANSWER
1 year ago
How big are the rooms ?

ANSWER
1 year ago
My older two have big rooms, my youngest has a smaller room but she was only two when we moved in. Now she’s 13 and recently starting wishing she had a bigger room and it’s not fair. I told the kids they could change rooms every six months. They said no and agreed to stay where they were.

ANSWER
1 year ago
With my kids the biggest rooms go to kids living with us full time.

ANSWER
1 year ago
For me it would depend on who lives full time or if child is only there every second weekend etc

ANSWER
1 year ago
Oldest kid always got the biggest room in our house:

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REPLY
1 year ago
And I’m the youngest kind you lol

ANSWER
1 year ago
In my family, the oldest kid got the biggest room, or first opportunity for their own room, i had three siblings.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I'd be doing a coin flip. It's the only fair way to do it. Write down who is heads, who is tails. The one who gets the smaller room should get an extra - new desk, bed or something else they'd want - something to make the situation fairer.

I think the issue here isn't the room, but the bigger picture of your wife always putting her own child first, to the detriment of your child. You need to advocate for your child. Find a fairer way of doing things. Your child mustn't be left to feel bottom of the importance ladder. I know what that feels like, to have parents who put you behind siblings because they're older or to 'keep the peace' with others. I still resent them for it.

Good luck!

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1 year ago
I would insist on the rooms being a similar size then it won't matter.

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1 year ago
In this situation I would flip a coin. Easy and unbiased. The kid who does the most chores that week gets to decide coin flip.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Ask yourself: If they were brothers same mum and dad would older kid getting the bigger room be an issue? I have 4 teen sons. Older 2 get their own room, younger 2 share. Tbh who cares on size of the room as long as it fits their belongings and they each have their own privacy. Is your 13 yo with you full time?
Either way it’s such a petty situation especially when parents start playing tug of war in defense of their own kids, it’s ugly and not healthy! Good luck OP

ANSWER
1 year ago
Do the kids get along? Is it possible they discuss it and come to a decision between them rather than you and your wife choosing and thus being accused of playing favourites. Maybe the two of them can even reach and a compromise? Like, for example the one who gets the smaller room always has first go on the Xbox or something like that