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How do you stop being scared of relationships after being burnt one too many times?

Answered 2 years ago

There’s a wonderful man who I’ve been friends with for a while now. He is caring, thoughtful, helpful and never pushes me beyond my boundaries. We aren’t really “friends” either, there’s romantic feelings there. My last relationship made me question my worth. He was always making me beg for his love, to keep this short that’s the best way I can describe it. What am I doing? This is a man who tells me that he will go at my pace and that he will follow my lead, even if that means only staying friends. There’s attraction, chemistry, feelings but I can’t get hurt again. I can’t feel worthless and question myself again. What if he hurts me? What if I get hurt letting him slip away from my own fear? What is wrong with me?


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ANSWER
2 years ago
People are lying, manipulaters whenever it suits them. Look at all the false political campaigns, false promises, cheating spouses, propaganda spread about by almost any industry you can think of (if it benefits someone). That said, if you don't take a risk you can never have the benefit of a healthy, loving, balanced relationship. Unless you get a dog or cat. They don't typically stab you in the back. Some people manage to find themselves a well balanced, caring, and generally good partner. Look for someone that values what you value, and is not directly benefiting from you to keep you around. ie. financial support, free ride, or otherwise providing for their wants. This changes once children come into the picture. If at the start of your relationship they aren't use to standing on their own two feet they won't necessarily be honest if they want out. And there you have it, a motive for using and abusing. Relationships should be give and take. Not all give. And not all take.

Replies

REPLY
2 years ago
Ummmm ok ?????

ANSWER
2 years ago
There is a what if to everything in life. Nothing is guaranteed especially in this day and age. I say give it a go you will regret it if you lose the guy or don’t it would be a missed opportunity

ANSWER
2 years ago
Nothing is wrong with you, ya galah!!

You've had some bad luck, that's all. Don't drag bad luck into your future.

Have a crack, what's the worst that can happen?? It doesn't work out? You have an amazing relationship and live happily ever after?

Staring at the fish tank ain't living mate, you just gotta chuck your gear on and dive right in!!

Life is an adventure, not a punishment! Look for the rewards and fuck the negatives!

ANSWER
2 years ago
I got hurt so badly many years ago and felt the same way. I'm glad i didn't give in to my fears. I let down my walls and along came my amazing husband. Don't let this dictate your future x

ANSWER
2 years ago
This guy sounds worth giving a shot.

ANSWER
2 years ago
It is a jungle out there I know because I was out there a long time too. It's messy, complicated and scary. The ones that you can pick out as jerks are easily forgotten. it's the ones that you thought were the good guys that hurt the most. But eventually a really good one will find a way into your life. Because of my time in the jungle I was very reluctant just like yourself. My guy wasn't taking no for an answer & we're happily married with children 10 years later. He sounds like a really good one to me. Willing to work through your trust issues & help you get there. The most important part of picking a partner is does he have a good soul? From what you said I think you should do it. Swallow all that fear & take the leap. 💖

ANSWER
2 years ago
You have had a terrible, hurtful, possibly even abusive experience. I'm so sorry you went through that. But you were able to get out of that relationship, and you're safe now, and I hope you've been able to build up your confidence in yourself and know that you *are* full of worth and deserve love. And you know that you're also a whole person, whether single or in a relationship.

So if something starts looking off in this new relationship you'll be able to see the signs sooner, and you'll know that you'll be ok after dumping him. You got through a shit experience once before, if it happens again you'll be able to get through it too (and out sooner).

ANSWER
2 years ago
A relationship is always a risk. But do you want to be alone forever? Because if you don’t take a risk, you will be. This could very well be the one. Or not. But I reckon you will regret letting him go. Take it one day at a time, enjoy that new romance feeling and see what happens. Life is quite boring and without growth if you stop yourself doing things out of fear.