Kids being in a wedding This one is a better explanation.
Answered 4 years ago
Sorry easier to start again.
4 yo daughter not asked to be a flower girl and 6 year old boy asked to be in wedding. My problem is not upsetting my daughter, is upsetting everyone else. I do think it's cruel but that isn't the point. My daughter really wants to be in the wedding, and she will have a hissy fit when she sees the other kids getting to do it, especially her brother. I will have to take her out. I am expected to bring her as they want her in the photos, which she most likely won't do because she will be pissed off. My son doesn't want to be in the wedding and won't last through the ceremony without mil having to take him out and come and find me. I won't drag my daughter around while they get their photos done to supervise my son. his dad is in wedding too and will have to manage him stuffing around on own while having pics taken. My thoughts are if they wanted my daughter there that badly they would have her in the wedding. I am honesty thinking of just not bringing her.
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My partners 10 year old is not taking it well we plan to marry, I feel sorry for him because his mum is worked up because they were together 20 years and he didn’t want to marry her, said he always new it would never last!
The 10 year old is constantly trying to change our plans, where, when , who will be there.
My partners son who is in his 20s will be a best man, My partner has no plans to have the 10 year old as a best man, we are only having a best man and matron of honour agreed by both as it’s not going to be a huge wedding. I have no plans to Make the wedding party bigger to accomodate his son Although this is what the son wants. Doing so would mean I would definitely be including my two younger children. I have a sister that I don’t see the point in including as I would like all my nieces and nephews to attend and she is better off sitting with them. I would prefer closer family including kids in the front few rows including my children so they can all see.
His ex has said the 10 year old won’t be coming to the wedding if he is not in the bridal party (we were told this by the 10 year old) i told him if he doesn’t come that’s quite fine and that I would love him to be there for the ceremony. Than he started on how his mum said he will wear what he wants, next he was demanding an expensive suit. If he attends I don’t care if he wears his pjs, I would just like him to be there! Oh the drama
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That’s his call.
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The world is going mad it doesn’t have to be political correctness everywhere. While he’s at it maybe he can stick his mum in as a bridesmaid too
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First of all I have a 4 year old, and have had 2 older kids at that age, so I know what they're like. I don't believe that she would have her heart so set on something so specific as being IN the wedding party unless YOU have worked her up about it and told her repeatedly about how special and amazing it would be etc. Most kids that age wouldn't even know or care what a wedding is, let alone care about being in it. Or if they did they could be very easily consoled/distracted with the promise of another special treat.
Secondly it sounds like your daughter's behaviour is waaaaaay out of control if you know with 100% certainty that she will cause a such a MEGA MELTDOWN on the day that you literally don't want to even bring her because you will struggle to deal with it. She's four? Just wow. If she had heard 'no' a bit more often in life she might actually know how to deal with it by now.
All I can say is no wonder your cousin doesn't want her in the wedding.
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Also I think in the future when she is older she might be looking at photos and ask where am I and wonder why she isn’t part of the family photo whether in an official role or not
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Cousin on that side of the family. It’s just bad luck. The boy cousins got picked by the groom as he picks the male roles but he doesn’t have control over picking the family part. Unfortunately your daughter is the only girl cousin. It’s not about leaving her out it’s just a gender role thing
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you say ur problem is not upsetting your daughter but everyone else .. well your already doing that
Your son is 6. Both him and ur husband are in the wedding party if your husband can’t deal with him than help me now. He should be able to get him to do the photos
I hardly doubt or think your mother in law should bring your son out why would she miss part of her own sons wedding? Explain to him he has to stand there for a short amount of time and maybe promise ice cream or something. If there are other boy cousins as u say I think he will be fine.
If you think your daughter will have a meltdown then you stay out of the ceremony with her and yes you distract her that’s your job. Then bring her for photos and talk to her and reason with her. Suck it up for one day we are not talking about ur friend or distant relative it’s your husbands brother. Smile take the photos and then leave the kids and go enjoy the reception child free if your kids are that bad.
I feel this is all about you ur looking at us to say it’s ok and justify your reasons for not bringing her all because it might be a bit hard coz she might be having a cry. You deal with it and get over it it’s one day, actually just a couple of hours out of your life
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My son should be ok, but it's a long ceremony and he may not get through it, he will muck around but not be overly disruptive (I hope). Worse case scenario he can go and sit with his grandparents. There is no reason to take my daughter to the ceremony, just the photos. I honestly can not believe I didn't think of this. If she wears a pretty dress and is in photos she will probably think she is a flower girl and will smile and behave perfectly. Unless my son really stuffs around no one will even know we aren't there.
It's been resolved. Thanks for all the advice!
😀
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dress her up nicely, no rainbow coloured dresses, nothing that stands out too much. something simple and take her to the photos. Go somewhere a bit fancy for coffee and cake after.
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Have you Ever considered how resilient kids are though??? Chances are she won't notice, wont care.
Stop farting rainbows.
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Give her sone rose petals or similar and she can be in charge of sprinkling them on the bride & groom and maybe blowing bubbles as they leave the ceremony.
Stop making it all about your daughter as the bride has made her choices for whatever reason.