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Kids being in a wedding This one is a better explanation.

Answered 2 years ago

Sorry easier to start again.
4 yo daughter not asked to be a flower girl and 6 year old boy asked to be in wedding. My problem is not upsetting my daughter, is upsetting everyone else. I do think it's cruel but that isn't the point. My daughter really wants to be in the wedding, and she will have a hissy fit when she sees the other kids getting to do it, especially her brother. I will have to take her out. I am expected to bring her as they want her in the photos, which she most likely won't do because she will be pissed off. My son doesn't want to be in the wedding and won't last through the ceremony without mil having to take him out and come and find me. I won't drag my daughter around while they get their photos done to supervise my son. his dad is in wedding too and will have to manage him stuffing around on own while having pics taken. My thoughts are if they wanted my daughter there that badly they would have her in the wedding. I am honesty thinking of just not bringing her.


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Omg this is making me want to elope lol
My partners 10 year old is not taking it well we plan to marry, I feel sorry for him because his mum is worked up because they were together 20 years and he didn’t want to marry her, said he always new it would never last!
The 10 year old is constantly trying to change our plans, where, when , who will be there.
My partners son who is in his 20s will be a best man, My partner has no plans to have the 10 year old as a best man, we are only having a best man and matron of honour agreed by both as it’s not going to be a huge wedding. I have no plans to Make the wedding party bigger to accomodate his son Although this is what the son wants. Doing so would mean I would definitely be including my two younger children. I have a sister that I don’t see the point in including as I would like all my nieces and nephews to attend and she is better off sitting with them. I would prefer closer family including kids in the front few rows including my children so they can all see.
His ex has said the 10 year old won’t be coming to the wedding if he is not in the bridal party (we were told this by the 10 year old) i told him if he doesn’t come that’s quite fine and that I would love him to be there for the ceremony. Than he started on how his mum said he will wear what he wants, next he was demanding an expensive suit. If he attends I don’t care if he wears his pjs, I would just like him to be there! Oh the drama

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2 years ago
The poor kid sounds like he is struggling to adjust. It might be nicer to leave him with his mum.

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2 years ago
You really need to think seriously before having one child as part of the wedding and not the other, especially if they have said they want to be part of it. My mum remarried her long term partner, they had a registry office wedding and only invited the child that they had together. They both had two kids each to previous relationships which didn't get invited to the ceremony. We turned up at what we thought was a birthday dinner to find out our parents had got married that day. It broke my heart, I just haven't felt the same about her since. I actually consider my step mum to be my mother now.

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2 years ago
That’s up to his father. He could chose a mate and leave the older son out as well.
That’s his call.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I would still take the kids for photos who cares that other family members aren’t going this is your husbands brother. Doesn’t get much closer than that! Let cousins or whoever not show up but it’s poor form from you guys. You know it as well you even said there will be hell to pay later. Don’t go causing such a big issue over someone else’s wedding day. This is your future sister in law you will have plenty of other chances to ignore her or get back at her later but their wedding day is not it or appropriate

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2 years ago
I wouldn't, hopefully when she looks back at her photos it will remind her people won't tolerate her crappy behavior.

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2 years ago
Don’t think the bride will care. It’s more for the groom. That’s her husbands brother

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2 years ago
He could have stepped in and solved the problem and didn't, so I wouldn't put myself out for either of them. They made the choice, and that's the consequences of their actions.

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2 years ago
So by him stepping in you mean force his bride to choose his niece? What a great way to start married life dictate to your wife what she can and can’t do!

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2 years ago
No, but he could have chosen her as part of his part. You shouldn't feel obligated to take the kids for the photos, because if it was that important the kids would have been in the wedding.

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2 years ago
How would he take the niece? He picks Paige boys not flower girls

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2 years ago
No reason he can't pick a girl.

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2 years ago
Oh seriously now that’s just ridiculous. He going to put her in a suit and bow tie as well?
The world is going mad it doesn’t have to be political correctness everywhere. While he’s at it maybe he can stick his mum in as a bridesmaid too

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2 years ago
I don't see it as pc, just being an awesome uncle. He could have solved the problem if he wanted to. Either way the bride and groom made their decisions, which is their right and the OP made the choice that worked for her family, which is her right.

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2 years ago
So tell me then if he picks her what does she wear a suit or a dress?

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2 years ago
^ we'll let you know

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2 years ago
I don't know, maybe a suit or maybe a different coloured dress.

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2 years ago
Cmon seriously. Do u think she would want to wear a suit? And putting her in a dress will just look strange esp if the bride has her own flower girls. Ur just being silly now

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2 years ago
He could. But he shouldn't because it is stupid. But I would question why someone would marry someone that treated his niece like that. Though seriously I do know someone who had a girl be a page girl in a suit, and it was adorable.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Give her an 'important job' like holding the horse shoe thing (or similar) and putting it on the bride's arm after the ceremony. Get her dressed up in a party dress, do her hair etc (it's pretty standard to get dressed up for a wedding, just don't go in a white flower girl dress). She'll probably have a great time.

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2 years ago
Yes I have a pretty horse shoe thing for her to give the bride (or groom, will let my daughter choose) I plan to write a sweet note from my daughter to uncle first name and first name. Leaving out the Aunt bit will be my passive aggressive f you to the bride. Don't hate me, I can't just entirely let this go.

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2 years ago
^^ immature, you’re definitely the one with the issue.

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2 years ago
Really? I doubt it

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2 years ago
When hubby and i got married, his mother kind of put her other 2yo granddaughter (my hubbys blood niece) in the wedding party all by herself. I wasn't asked but she was kind of wormed in there. We've been married for 10 years and it still pissed me off when I think about it. That's my experience anyway.

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2 years ago
I'd be pissed too

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2 years ago
Kind of? So she put the kid in a couple of photos? Oh the horror.

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2 years ago
She says wedding party. That usually means more than a few photos. If you're going to be a cunt maybe you should know what you're talking about 🖕

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2 years ago
She said kind of, which means something small.

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2 years ago
And does it really matter? Unless you are a bridezilla

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2 years ago
She’s going to be your sister in law for a very long time. Why be so passive aggressive and immature? Put her name on the horseshoe and move on. It’s not your wedding.

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2 years ago
Op said ages ago she isn't taking the kids.

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2 years ago
Lol

ANSWER
2 years ago
I'm glad you aren't taking her. When I was about 8 my younger sister was about 5 she got to be a flower girl and I didn't. I was devastated, I didn't have a tantrum, but I remember feeling so rejected. I got my revenge by getting filthy before the family photos. I was rolling down a grass hill and my dress was trashed, I still had to be in the photos so I pulled a stupid face in every single photo. I got in so much trouble. I still don't like my aunt (the bride) I sat her at the table at the back with the weirdo family members no one likes at my wedding reception.

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2 years ago
Geez you don’t hold a decades long grudge do you

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2 years ago
Well what comes around goes around.

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2 years ago
Childish , grow up and be better than that

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2 years ago
What's wrong with sitting someone you don't like at the back of the reception?

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2 years ago
That's funny my cousin and I don't get along and she put me at the weirdo table at the back near the toilets.

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2 years ago
Well my cousin and I but heads regularly, and like to one up each other (not so much now, but when we were younger). She had more fun inviting me and sitting in a terrible spot (think weird single uncle table at the back) and my plus one was seated at another table at the singles and partners of bridal party table. Apparently it was just impossible to seat us together. There was no way I was going to sit where she put me, so my boyfriend and I went up the road for dinner then sat at the bar in the public part of the venue (we went back in to get the free drinks) until after the speeches/cake/first dance. Then went back in for the dancing. I can honestly say it was the best wedding I have ever been to.

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2 years ago
Hahaha. When life gives you lemons.......

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2 years ago
So you don’t want to be at ur cousins wedding but happy to take free drinks

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2 years ago
I would have been the model guest if I hadn't been seated in a crap spot. And she would have had one up on me forever, if I had sat there and had the worst night of my life. And yes I was that petty.

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2 years ago
Of course. Tastes even better when it's free 😛

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2 years ago
She was just as bad, she deliberately sat me away from everyone to be a bitch. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a big wedding just so she could do that. I eloped and didn't have a family celebration other than immediate family because I didn't want her to get the opportunity to do something petty back.

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2 years ago
^ You don't have to justify yourself babe. She sounds like a bitcj

ANSWER
2 years ago
So many people wonder why couples have child free weddings!!!!

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2 years ago
Any why so many parents immediately say no to kids in a bridal party. Its a huge pain and torture for the poor kids.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I would not have my son in the wedding if I was you especially given the problems it will cause. Stress and anxiety. No 6 year old is going to be able to stand still while people waffle on and on as weddings go. As an adult having to stand through one I was struggling. Id withdraw him and deal with the consequences or just not go at all and stay home with my kids.

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2 years ago
Staying home though send the wrong message it says if you don’t pick what I want I’m not coming.

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2 years ago
It’s like giving them an ultimatum for their day

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2 years ago
My kids stood through weddings at younger than 6. So don’t talk on behalf of everyone. Her kid might surprise her. If it’s fun and he’s with his cousins he’ll probably love it.

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2 years ago
^yep my kids were in weddings younger than 6 and they were fine.

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2 years ago
My six year old would get bored and stuff around.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yeahhhh sorry this all totally sounds like a YOU problem.

First of all I have a 4 year old, and have had 2 older kids at that age, so I know what they're like. I don't believe that she would have her heart so set on something so specific as being IN the wedding party unless YOU have worked her up about it and told her repeatedly about how special and amazing it would be etc. Most kids that age wouldn't even know or care what a wedding is, let alone care about being in it. Or if they did they could be very easily consoled/distracted with the promise of another special treat.

Secondly it sounds like your daughter's behaviour is waaaaaay out of control if you know with 100% certainty that she will cause a such a MEGA MELTDOWN on the day that you literally don't want to even bring her because you will struggle to deal with it. She's four? Just wow. If she had heard 'no' a bit more often in life she might actually know how to deal with it by now.

All I can say is no wonder your cousin doesn't want her in the wedding.

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2 years ago
Agree!

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2 years ago
No offense but is your four year old a bit behind in cognitive development? My kids would have known what was going on at that age without being told. If someone was getting married and one was asked to be in the wedding and not the other they would have worked it out.

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2 years ago
Yep, my kids would be the same I would be dealing with the fallout now and at the wedding. Not to mention that the kid left out would always hold a grudge against the aunt and uncle forever.

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2 years ago
You don’t know that they’d hold a grudge. You would be the one holding it and reminding your kid about it everyday.

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2 years ago
Lol. You haven't met my daughter

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2 years ago
Then teach her better. At 4 she sounds like she already rules the roost. Sounds like she can walk all over you. Only will get worse as she gets older. There’s a saying small kids small problems big kids big problems

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2 years ago
^ Now look who is trying to mother everyone

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2 years ago
I'm not the op, my daughter is a bit older than 4. She doesn't rule the roost, she has a strong personality and doesn't put up with shit. She wouldn't throw a tantrum if she was left out of a bridal party, she would behave perfectly and probably leave cake on the brides chair for her to sit on later. She would hold a grudge forever if someone did something cruel to her. But I wouldn't put my kids in that situation, I would politely decline the offer of the one child being included. with the photos I would take my kids if they were invited to the reception, but not if they weren't, unless we lived close to the venue.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Depending on who it is getting married it might be rude, but a 4 year old should be able to be in a photo without cracking a tantruem.

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2 years ago
Tantrum

ANSWER
2 years ago
My husband and I both come from big families, we and a couple of others are on second marriages and have blended families, so this has been an issue several times. I find if you stick with ask one you ask all, with kids in bridal parties and if the kids aren't going to the reception then they aren't taken to the ceremony and won't be in photos. Brides tend to forget that your life doesn't revolve around their big day.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Talk. To. Your. Child. She’s FOUR. Surely you have enough time to explain to her what is happening and why it is important she behaves a certain way (Why EVERYONE who goes to a wedding behaves a certain way). Explain what will happen, she will be in photos but other people have different jobs to do, our job is to do this and make the bride happy by smiling and behaving. Tell her all the exciting things- nice dress, fancy shoes, nice food and dancing at the reception afterwards. Tell her things she will want to do and be excited about. If you just stress and get upset then she will too.

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2 years ago
Honestly I would if I thought it would work. And she will be fine, but will probably have a tantrum just as the bride starts walking down the aisle. My mum has said she will look after her and bring her for the photos and then take both kids home.

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2 years ago
“If you have a tantrum you won’t be allowed to stay at the wedding and you will miss out on yummy food and fun etc etc”. Are you actually going to ruin the brides day because if your kid?????

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2 years ago
Ruin the brides day? She has clearly played favourites. Sorry but Im not the OP and wouldnt take both my kids on principal. You do not do that. Pick one child knowing everyone else is involved and that child left out will think whats wrong with me? Why dont they like me? Why dont i fit in? Theres more harm to the daughters selfeateem which people arent thinking about. I would not have both my kids there.

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2 years ago
Should I risk it?

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2 years ago
Risk not having her at all there? I wouldn’t it’s just giving them a reason to turn on you. At least if she is there for photos you can see “ even though she was upset and cried I still brought here I still tried” I would still even bring her to church before the bride gets there everyone will see you guys and then just before the bride is due to enter church quietly slip away somewhere with your daughter. Go for a walk outside. It’s a bonus you don’t have to sit through the whole ceremony as well and pretend to pay attention. Then just skip back in at the end if you think your daughter can handle it.
Also I think in the future when she is older she might be looking at photos and ask where am I and wonder why she isn’t part of the family photo whether in an official role or not

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2 years ago
The bride can do whatever TF she wants, it’s her day. If she wants one kid and not the other then get over it. Teach your kid that you don’t get everything you want. If this kid can’t behave it’s no wonder she wasn’t asked to be part of it.

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2 years ago
I agree the bride can do what she likes, but so can you. You can't make her pick your daughter, but you don't have to take her to the wedding either.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Is your daughter the only girl on that side of the family? Or has the bride picked other girls from your husbands side?

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2 years ago
Yes only girl on that side, except for a baby.

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2 years ago
Bit unlucky then as she isn’t obliged to pick someone from his side of the family. It sort of not a situation where they are favouriting your son over the daughter

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2 years ago
It's different when she was the only cousin. It's sorted now so not an issue.

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2 years ago
Not different though. She wasnt intentionally left at as the bride wanted to single just her out. It just happened that your daughter is the only girl
Cousin on that side of the family. It’s just bad luck. The boy cousins got picked by the groom as he picks the male roles but he doesn’t have control over picking the family part. Unfortunately your daughter is the only girl cousin. It’s not about leaving her out it’s just a gender role thing

ANSWER
2 years ago
It’s obvious you don’t want to go and you’re just wanting us to justify it for you. Teach your hissing fitting daughter that sometimes you miss out. You’re raising her to be a spoilt brat. I think you should just not go to the wedding because I feel your attitude will ruin the wedding for everyone.

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2 years ago
^^ who hurt you?

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2 years ago
I’m not hurt at all. The OP is butt hurt because she can’t teach her kid that she can’t have everything she wants. It’s not her wedding but she’s making it all about herself.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I find so many problems with this and sorry to say but it’s all you...
you say ur problem is not upsetting your daughter but everyone else .. well your already doing that
Your son is 6. Both him and ur husband are in the wedding party if your husband can’t deal with him than help me now. He should be able to get him to do the photos
I hardly doubt or think your mother in law should bring your son out why would she miss part of her own sons wedding? Explain to him he has to stand there for a short amount of time and maybe promise ice cream or something. If there are other boy cousins as u say I think he will be fine.
If you think your daughter will have a meltdown then you stay out of the ceremony with her and yes you distract her that’s your job. Then bring her for photos and talk to her and reason with her. Suck it up for one day we are not talking about ur friend or distant relative it’s your husbands brother. Smile take the photos and then leave the kids and go enjoy the reception child free if your kids are that bad.
I feel this is all about you ur looking at us to say it’s ok and justify your reasons for not bringing her all because it might be a bit hard coz she might be having a cry. You deal with it and get over it it’s one day, actually just a couple of hours out of your life

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REPLY
2 years ago
You are a genius.
My son should be ok, but it's a long ceremony and he may not get through it, he will muck around but not be overly disruptive (I hope). Worse case scenario he can go and sit with his grandparents. There is no reason to take my daughter to the ceremony, just the photos. I honestly can not believe I didn't think of this. If she wears a pretty dress and is in photos she will probably think she is a flower girl and will smile and behave perfectly. Unless my son really stuffs around no one will even know we aren't there.

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2 years ago
Its a win win. No one can say you didn’t bring the kids they’ll prob be happy she’s not crying during the ceremony but she’s still there to be in the family photos. Someone asks why daughter and you weren’t sitting at the ceremony just say she was restless and you took her out to settle her

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2 years ago
Yes, hopefully no one will know. Will get there toward the end of the ceremony and stand at the back.

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2 years ago
is it in a church? Can u go at the start then walk outside the church. People will see you and know you have been there

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2 years ago
Yes church. I'm not sure, I might go a bit late and make sure we are there just before the bride and groom come out, I might even wait until just before the family photos to arrive. Now ive calmed down it's less of a big deal. No one will notice or care.

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2 years ago
Your right they won’t especially if they see your daughter. I’m sure the bride would notice if you didn’t bring her at all and she would probably use it against you

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2 years ago
Agreed

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2 years ago
It depends what else happens, if there is something else to throw a fit over we will slip under the radar. Some cousins she upset at her engagement party are apparently not going, so I might get away with not bringing her.

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2 years ago
What did she do at the engagement party?

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2 years ago
Someone brought a new born baby to the engagement party and she wasn't happy, and got her dad to ask them to leave before the speeches.

ANSWER
2 years ago
UPDATE
It's been resolved. Thanks for all the advice!
😀

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2 years ago
What was the outcome?

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2 years ago
The other boy in the wedding has declined, husband called his brother and explained how our son didn't want to be in the wedding and daughter was upset so we don't want to bring her. He was fine and feels terrible at our daughter being left out. So we aren't bringing the kids to any of it. All sorted. There will be hell to pay later, but will deal with it at the time.

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2 years ago
I know it’s all the brides doing but what about your brother in law. Would you consider bringing them just for the photos for your brother in law. Do it for him not for her

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2 years ago
I would if all the other family was going to be there, but as they won't be the only ones missing I don't think I will.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Just take the bloody kids to the ceremony and take them home, honestly you are making too big a deal about one bloody day and a blip in time ffs

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2 years ago
It's not just one day for the groom, who presumably doesn't want to see his niece devastated and crying her eyes out instead of watching his bride walk down the aisle.

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2 years ago
When she starts crying that’s when you take her out of church straight away. Who knows she may even surprise you

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2 years ago
What’s to say that she wouldn’t cry standing up their as a flower girl? Maybe the bride doesn’t want this. Sorry but you said she can be bratty maybe the bride knows this too and is trying to avoid this. Better have her cry at the back of church where you can take her out than at the front where everyone sees her.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Perfect opportunity to teach your child that bratty behaviour causes other people to make such decisions as leaving her out! She needs to learn this, soon it will be birthday party invites at school. Play dates etc.
dress her up nicely, no rainbow coloured dresses, nothing that stands out too much. something simple and take her to the photos. Go somewhere a bit fancy for coffee and cake after.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Have you considered that maybe they do want your daughter in the bridal party however the bride doesn’t want to as she is the one that chooses and this is there way of still getting their family photos of everyone

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2 years ago
Yes that's exactly the it.

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2 years ago
Even so u do not cause problems with the family over picking one child. If u cant have both when all other cousins used then u dont have one. The daughter qill feel not good enough it will hurt her swlf esteem mark my words. Being left out does harm you especially if its ongoing

ANSWER
2 years ago
Maybe the bride has a limit she’s reached for flower girls. And ur husbands side of the family can’t do anything about it. They clearly want both your kids there they are asking for it. It’s not about picking the son over the daughter. Is it you that really has the problem with it? Did you expect to be in the bridal party as well?

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2 years ago
Yes as she is the only cousin not in the bridal party.

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2 years ago
Being the only cousin not in the bridal party im aorry is cruel and makes a huge statement

ANSWER
2 years ago
How about you make yourself busy that day. Let them (husband, in-laws and future in-laws) all deal with your children's emotions .

Have you Ever considered how resilient kids are though??? Chances are she won't notice, wont care.

Stop farting rainbows.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I really just had the best laugh! ............ my daughter really wants to be in the wedding??? Lol because that’s what every 4 yr old says. What 4yr old knows what a flower girl is hahahaha Haha don’t mention anything till the night before or day of and just say uncle is getting married and we are going to a party...

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2 years ago
Unfortunately she will crack it when she sees the kids all dressed up.

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2 years ago
Dress her up too than! She can chose her own outfit given she is not in the wedding party, she can go mad choosing shoes and a cute clutch to match! Cute head piece too maybe. Take her to get her hairdone together with you before hand. Let your husband deal with your son.
Give her sone rose petals or similar and she can be in charge of sprinkling them on the bride & groom and maybe blowing bubbles as they leave the ceremony.
Stop making it all about your daughter as the bride has made her choices for whatever reason.

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2 years ago
Do you think the bride would be annoyed if my daughter was dressed up like that? I would make sure it was a different colour.

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2 years ago
No that’s standard for a lot of wedding I think. Little girls cute dresses headbands ballet flat. Maybe something floral don’t go big puffy white. She will look beautiful and not like your trying to compete. I think bubbles is a great idea, a distraction too!

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2 years ago
Thanks. She can give her the wishbone thing and blow bubbles on the bride and groom. I think that will work.

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2 years ago
Get on suit lab Australia, they have beautiful dresses and matching head pieces

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2 years ago
Oh & how on earth can she be annoyed at that? Does she expect her to wear rags Cinderella style ?

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2 years ago
Bless cinderella 💜💜💜💜

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2 years ago
Why can’t you get her a nice dress and dress her up too. Sounds like you’re the only one upset and hurt. She’s four.

ANSWER
2 years ago
No offense is your daughter a bit bratty? They don't want her in the bridal party and you're worried about her having a meltdown - just reading between the lines

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2 years ago
None taken. Yes she can be bratty.