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Intimacy After Rape

Answered 1 year ago

I won’t go into full details but as a result of me getting sexually molested and raped it resulted in me having a child. It has been 7 years since that event I have met people but none I wanted to date, I have met someone very sweet things are still very early on and he said he had a deep dark secret I know what the secret is but let’s just say the first thing anything happens will be a big deal.

For those who have made the decision to get intimate after being sexually molested and raped do you have any advice. Besides taking things slow was there anything in particular that helped the first couple times


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ANSWER
1 year ago
I suggest lots and lots of time, trust building, intimate moments like massage, kissing on couch, sleeping naked side by side, cuddling in bed, top half only, and no sex for quite a while. Open communication, both in agreement or stop. And grounding i find when my hsb uses my name it helps me stay in my body and lots of loving msgs to one another.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Intimacy does have to mean sex. Start slow and when you are both ready go to the next stage. It will be one step forward 3 steps back and that is fine. It took me years to get to a place where I could be intimate with anyone after experiencing childhood sexual assault. Smells, sounds, someone above me would give me flashbacks and panic attacks. It has been a long time since my last one but even now 40 years later on occasion I find myself going to the other place outside of my body.

ANSWER
1 year ago
just take it slow and be prepared to stop whenever. Flashbacks are very common. Be open with eachother and communicate throughout. It will get better once you are more comfortable and build the trust. It may be a case of 2 steps forward, one step back. Be prepared for that.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Just make sure you're comfortable. Does he know about it? Because if he knows he can be understanding and take it slow and make sure you feel good about it all

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REPLY
1 year ago
Yes he is aware and I am aware of what happened to him so we both have a understanding of what the other will go through

ANSWER
1 year ago
First off, I am so very sorry you had to go through something so horrific. I understand exactly what you're going through.
Aside from taking things slow. Ensure he understands about your past. You may not realise it, but sometimes flashbacks do occur when getting intimate. Even 7 years on. If you have a supportive partner, they will stop and not force you to keep going. My, now husband, used to just hold me, even if I just cried and kept apologising. He never made me feel horrible or useless, but was always very sweet and loving.
If you feel you need to take back control, try doing something you want sexually. Something was taken from you and from my personal experience, I needed to feel in control. So I would initiate or be on top.
I wish you all the best. And over time, being intimate will get easier. When you find that special someone, you will feel safe and enjoy sex again.

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REPLY
1 year ago
Thanks it isn’t just going to be a big deal for me the person whom I am interested in has been through something similar. I know it is a very touchy subject as it isn’t as talk about when it happens to a male