View other questions

Staying with someone who doesn’t want to tie the knot?

Answered 1 year ago

Any stories of it lasting? Would you if you loved them?


Have an answer?

We have held the answer in moderation, and will make it available shortly.
2000 characters left.

Answers

An unexpected error has occurred, please try again shortly.
ANSWER
2 years ago
Sure, having kids is a bigger commitment in my eyes. I am married as we both wanted to, but getting married has had absolutely zero effect on our relationship. If I wasn't interested in kids I'd still stay with someone if they didn't want to get married.

Replies

REPLY
2 years ago
I’ve never understood this analogy , kids being a bigger commitment in a relationship. You can have kids with someone you’re not committed to.

REPLY
2 years ago
You can have kids with someone and not be in a relationship with them but you are (in most cases) committing to co parent with that person until the kids are at least 18. There is still some form of relationship: you are co-parents.
If you get maried and divorce with out kids you never have to see that person again. If you have kids with them, you have committed to having that person in your life for a long time like it or not.

REPLY
2 years ago
But it isn’t a commitment to you it’s a commitment to the kids. Like you say, like it or not. Marriage is quite different, 99.9% of the time because you love the person and want to be with them not because you have to.

REPLY
2 years ago
When you agree to have kids with someone, you are committing to having that person in your life for a very long time. If you commit to marrying someone, as you said it is a choice. You commit to them until you choose not to and then you can get a divorce and never see that person again. Some marriages only last a few weeks/months/years. You don't get that choice if you have children. Yes you can get divorced but then you have to put up with that person in your life for the sake of the kids and the commitment you made to them when you had children in the first place. Therefore to me, having kids is more of a commitment.

REPLY
2 years ago
The commitment in the case of a split is to do with the kids though. Which is my point. You might not even want to be around that person. And you don’t even need to talk to them if you don’t want to, you can communicate through a 3rd party. Where is the commitment to your ex there ? And in the case of my father, some choose not to co parent at all and disappear altogether doing just the absolute minimum which was pay my mother maintenance, which barely covered anything. There might be some commitment to the ex out obligation, but not love. You will find it’s all
About the kids. It isn’t the same as marriage at all.

REPLY
2 years ago
New responder your missing the point.

Having a child with someone is committing to a life that involves that person in one way or another. You can’t go back on the choice.
Getting married is not an irrevocable commitment. You can always go back on it.

Ergo , kids are a bigger commitment.

REPLY
2 years ago
I’m not missing the point. OP of this thread asked if marriage was a deal breaker. OP of this post said having kids with someone is a bigger commitment so no. My answer is in the context of the thread, that this post is suggesting to me that having kids is the same as a commitment of marriage. But my point is they aren’t the same. Sure, raising a kid is a bigger commitment but it can’t be compared to a marriage.

REPLY
2 years ago
This is my response everyone is replying on. Note that I said 'in my eyes', because I know other people will have other opinions and that is fine, it's not a right or wrong situation, just personal opinions. It's hard to explain (and hard to truly know, as I'm not in the situation), but if my now husband and I had agreed that we were going to be life partners but weren't going to get married, I feel the agreement to have children maybe makes it feel like we'd be in it for the long haul. Obviously having kids is no guarantee that a relationship will last, neither is a marriage. Sorry I can't really describe it clearly haha.

REPLY
1 year ago
Plenty of people walk away from their commitments to kids. Don’t see them. Sook about child support and actively try to get around paying it.
Commitment is a very individual thing and it’s defined by people differently.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Depends on the relationship.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I think long term is marriage?
Does he want long term ? Or is he just playing the field ?

ANSWER
1 year ago
This is my life.
Of course I am going to stay with him.
We have both been married previously. His ex left a very very bad taste in his mouth... cheating whores ruining it for the rest of us lol
I know he’s committed and we love each other deeply so I have never thought of leaving

ANSWER
2 years ago
I am married, but now I’m older I feel like it’s not that big a deal. Essentially it’s a lot of hoo ha and money spent on a big party for people you rarely see.

ANSWER
2 years ago
What are their reasons for not wanting to get married? I knew someone that their reason was fear based (previous bad marriage) once they overcame that obstacle it was fine... they got married.

ANSWER
2 years ago
With my ex it was a deal breaker, he didn't and I did but in the end it was because of my desire to that we split up, I made such a big deal out of it.

Anyway fast forward to now, and I don't want to marry my long term partner, we landed a wedding and split up the week it was meant to go ahead, and even though we reconciled not too long after that and have been together several more years I am adamant I do not want to be married. Doesn't mean I want to split up, I just don't want to be married right now

ANSWER
2 years ago
I was happy to not get married. But it was really important to my husband to get married.

Friends have been together since 20’s. Still together 70 years old now. Never married. So happy. Probably the happiest couple I know

ANSWER
2 years ago
I only married because my husband wanted to and I wanted to have the same last name. Really I should have just changed my name. It made really no affect on our relationship. I am not really a big believer in "marriage" but more in life partners. However if this is something that is important to you than your feelings are very valid. Why doesn't your partner want to get married? Do you believe their reason or does it sound like a cop out? Is it a deal breaker for you and it is okay if it is. You don't have to stay with someone who doesn't want the same things as you.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Personally I wouldn't.