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Spending equal money on each child.

Answered 1 year ago

My husband and I have a daughter each to a previous relationship, and one together. The older two are looking at going to uni next year, my husbands daughter wants to move interstate to study as there is a better course for her there, but she could stay here and do similar. My daughter plans to study locally. The cost of living for my step daughter will be huge, she has money that we have saved for her that she can use. My husband wants to use the money saved, then take the money for the other two girls and split it up so all three have equal money for a wedding/house etc, but I don't think its fair.


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ANSWER
1 year ago
No, that is not fair at all. It should be equal or nothing. Sorry but he can not show favourtism to his daughter it is not right and will create major sibling problema later on. Also if you contributed to the fund you get a say. So make sure its equal!

ANSWER
1 year ago
Why are you paying for your adult children to do anything? They should be working.

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REPLY
1 year ago
Agree! I worked part time since i was 15, completed school and went straight into full time work. Travelled overseas a few times. Moved out of home at 22, got married at 23 and had my daughter at 25. My parents/ husbands parents paid for nothing. Everything i have/ had i have had to work for. Too many parents give their children everything on a silver platter these days.

REPLY
1 year ago
^wow that’s almost my exact story.

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1 year ago
She won't be able to work and do her degree. Its just something we did for our kids.

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1 year ago
Lots of parents support their kids while they study.

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1 year ago
The fact is there is money and she is asking how to share it. Equally.

REPLY
1 year ago
I bought a house each for my kids, I really must have stuffed up. (Nothing fancy and they are being rented out until the kids are older).

ANSWER
1 year ago
Trust me, it will cause resentment between them if they aren't treated fairly. Why cant she study here?

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REPLY
1 year ago
There is a better degree that will take less time interstate. But she can study here.

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1 year ago
Better degree is total rubbish. My brother got to go away for a better degree, guess what, he didn't even finish that degree and is now working in a trade while I had to stay local. He isn't a dead shit, just changed his mind later. There is no telling what will happen, my parents would have never thought he'd change his mind. Best to be fair. I still get annoyed some days when they are all pissing me off LOL

ANSWER
1 year ago
She can share rent with flat mates get a job and defer her uni fees.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I'd be giving them all equal, otherwise where is the line? If another child wants a big wedding and another wants to elope does the more expensive one get to dip into the remaining funds allocated for the others? What if the youngest decides to study interstate as well?

No, you split all equally and they can choose what to use it for. If the others find out then you will have lifelong resentment. I certainly have it towards my brother getting more, regardless of the reasoning.

If the one moving needs money she can support her decision by getting a job. In fact, working in her Industry while studying is the best choice she can make as having experience will put her ahead of the graduating class.

I hope that helps.

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REPLY
1 year ago
I forgot to add if the cost is a major issue most (not all) uni courses can be done online so she can study without moving.

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1 year ago
Yeah but people who study online are less respected then those who go face to face.

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1 year ago
Thanks. The other two won't use it for education. I think I will put it into trust funds for them so it can't just disappear.

REPLY
1 year ago
Ummm... Nooo. I used to work at a Uni. It makes no difference how you study.

REPLY
1 year ago
Should have added it's not known to an employer how you studied unless you tell them.

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1 year ago
Heaps of uni courses cant be done online! Sciences, medical, engineering....

REPLY
1 year ago
Its medical

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1 year ago
I'm the OP of the comment. Damn. Medical is one that can't be done online. Choice of uni is very, very important.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

ANSWER
1 year ago
Your kids should pay for own house and wedding
Don’t assume they will get married

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REPLY
1 year ago
That's what you took from this post?

REPLY
1 year ago
I think its a fair point?

REPLY
1 year ago
They could travel, or use it so they can take time off work when they have kids.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Thanks I have moved the girls money until I can put it into trusts.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I would put the other two lots of savings in trust now! Or at the very least ensure your husband can not access it!
I didn’t go to uni or get married and have not yet brought a house.
All savings set aside for four kids paid for two of my siblings to go to uni and my sister to get married twice. Being single and getting a job out of school meant zero.
No point in holding grudges

ANSWER
1 year ago
Personally, I think it should be split equally between the 3 of them and they can decide what to do with it. If she wants to study interstate she can pay from her share.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Firstly just want to say good on you guys for even having savings to spare for your kids. That is amazing.

I think it depends on the kids. My mum didn't pay anything (nor did she have the money to do so) and I didnt expect it.

My husbands parents said we will pay for one degree to both of the sons. My husbands younger brother required a lot more help to get back on his feet after delving into some bad things... we said we didnt need anything.

The younger bro started 2 degrees locally and never finished. Went interstate to study another so they purchased a town house for him to live in and study. The parents paid for everything.

A lot of their money went to the younger brother and we were afraid for their retirement fund... however all is good now as the younger bro is independent now.

We did not feel any resentment as we can look after ourselves. And we are quite proud to be able to do so.

We have told them we dont need to be on the will too.

We are just one story. But I think it depends on your circumstance and you know your family x.

All the best OP