the issue with people critiscising your post is that they seem to forget that most of these selfish grandparents had the support they arent giving.

If you want children be prepared to raise them your self. My parents didn't have my grandparents to babysit me or my sister. My parents didn't babysit for me often. Only when the childcare was closed, after they retired and if I could get off work. It was my responsibility to manage my child's needs whether it was day to day or child care. I have no desire to be a full time, frequent or even occasional baby sitter. I still work full time and my time off from work is filled with my own duties and responsibilities of running a household. Why should a parent need a sitter to go run errands or get groceries? It is part of being an adult and part of being a parent. Perhaps people should consider all the requirements before they decide to have children. I have raised and am still raising my children. I should be able to have time to do all the things I put on hold to have and raise a family. As a parent you make sacrifices for the sake and benefit of your children. The hope/goal is that one day they will be able to take care of themselves and not need you to manage life for them. This should include that they are able to manage the needs and requirements of adulthood and parenting without my assistance. If I decide to assist, whether with childcare, attending activities, of financially, it should be my choice not expected or required.

The trend is real, anyone disagreeing is a selfish resentful and probably greedy grandparent (most millennial have to pay for a grandparent to see the grandchild). You can’t get angry that your adult children saw the example that their grandparents set in the past and expect a little of the same from you. Somewhere in the 70s to 90s, family became something temporary and to get away from as much as possible. But that’s not how any of this works. If you thought you could be a part of a family for 18 years or even 25 years and fuck off afterwards, you shouldn’t have had kids. I’m sure most of these grandparents aren’t all that busy and just don’t want to be helpful or “feel” like a grandparent. Like we get it, you’re not a daycare. Stop letting your resentment keep you from meaningful time with grandkids and HELPING your kid have a crumb of a social life once in a while. Yes I said help your child, you can’t just cut off your offspring and long-standing CUSTOMS unless you’re ready for customs of elderly care to not apply to you.

You have no ideal what your talking about other generation had to do to make it . There where no social weekends dumping kids at grandparents ... you are a selfish generation that think everyone owes you somethings

What makes me so angry, is the fact that most of these parents, had help when we were growing up, they had a village, family to help them raise us. Back then, must families only had one working parent, while the other stayed home with the kids. They still had help, from their own parents and family, to just get a break. Now you can't survive with one working member of the household, so both parents work, and there's no help to watch kids.

Yup. Or if they do help they ignore your families boundaries on what the kids can and cant do or eat.

A lot of the comments seem like it hit a personal note and made people a bit angry. Oh well. Yes there is this newer age grandparents especially grandmothers who had help with their own kids but refuse to do anything for some reason even attend family dinners for kids birthdays. I think a lot of mental health issues and perhaps jealousy of the younger generation and way things are leave them bitter. Them they wonder when their grandkids are teens they want nothing to do with them because they barley know them

May I ask.how old are your children

Perhaps the grandparents in question, do not resent their grandchildren, but perhaps are sick of their entitled children putting unrealistic expectations on their parents? And are avoiding their grandchildren because they need to limit contact with their children?

Selfish grandparents should be saving their money for a nursing home.
I used to work in them.
When you're sitting in your soiled diaper or youve taken a fall, calling out for the help you don't get for a while, take a minute to think about the opportunity you could've had being a part of a healthy family dynamic and in turn being loved and cared for when you need it.
Just remember that.

I know this was along time ago asked but I see it differently. I am youngest of 6, my parents gave us a good life on one wage. We saw our grandparents as much as possible living in different towns. My dads dad lived with us when he couldn't live alone on/off for years between his other kids till he finally just stayed for good. He was a grumpy demanding man but by the end mellowed. During this time my mums mum needed care also so she came to live with us too. I just took it as normal and no big deal. Later I realized how much extra work mum had to do. So here is my parents with 4 children still at home/school and 2 adults to run around after. Jump to now. They are in their late 80's and still involved in their children's lives plus the 18 grandchildren and 8 partners, 3 step grandchildren + partners, 12 great grandchildren and various in laws /extended elderly family. Every birthday we all get a card and phone call. Think about that. 57+ people to have time for and lives to keep up with . Until 3 yrs ago my olds had Christmas lunch at their home. Imagine at 83/84yrs old catering for 50+ people extended over 3 days.
Great role models and that is passed to all they have touched. What you are shown growing up effects how you act, if had a negative effect then it's up to YOU to change it for your family. Many older people would love to be involved in children's lives. So if your own blood wont be involved find non blood role models and make your own family. Leave behind the negative and make a positive example for your kids 💞💕🤗

Not everyone is into children especially not grandchildren. When you are older you have medical issues that often do not allow caring for youngsters possible. Wait until it is your turn, do not judge.

I can't agree with you… my parents and my husband's parents have indeed "done their time" raising their children, and now it's our turn. Why should they retire, just to become unpaid childcare workers so their own children can go to work? They have worked hard their whole lives, and now it's time for them to live for themselves. I'm happy that they enjoy spending time with their grandchildren, but it's always for leisure, not to look after them for me! I'm there to change the nappies and wipe the noses, they are there to spoil them and play. You're forgetting that these grandchildren are also the FLESH AND BLOOD of the parents themselves. We as parents ultimately have the responsibility of the care of our children, and trying to lay it on the grandparents is a selfish and entitled attitude.

My in laws are 55 and 60 and have full time jobs

The kids aren’t their responsibility

I am now a grandparent. I have three grown children and the oldest, married, and turned Catholic is choosing to have a large family. She is now expecting #4. I live close by and am the only involved grandparent because the in-laws live in Brazil. I see them once to twice a week, watch them and play for not more than 2 hrs., and leave exhausted. I'm still working, am remarried, and trying to enjoy this time of my life. I had a very troubled marriage with their father, was under stress constantly, and tried to be as good of a mother as I could given the circumstance. This is the first peaceful time I've experienced since my children were launched and responsible for their lives and I divorced their father, so I am protective of my time, who I choose to spend that with, the energy I have to expend and how to use it. I love my grandchildren and give them all my attention when I am with them. I don't make apologies for not wanting to see them every day and spend time with them. I want it always to be a joy when I am with them, not the feeling of obligation or resentment. I am available for the emergency as well as being helpful for appointments, occasional parent nite out, but I do not want to be a babysitter for extended periods. I want to be the happy Nana they love to see coming. (There are some grandparents who want to be with their grandchildren all the time, and that's fine, but I don't want to be judged because I don't feel that way) There are some that are completely disinterested and that is very sad for both generations. Children need as many loving adults in their lives as possible because this world is harsh and suffering is inevitable, but love will see you through. I think I am in the middle of these extremes. I do as much as I feel to do, sometimes when needed and I don't feel like doing, but understand I'm needed. As long as nobody tries to guilt me or pressure me into their idea of what I'm supposed to do as a grandparent and respects my rights as a person, then the relationship will flourish. The grandchildren will know their Nana loves them and feel it.

Grandparents are not childcare centres. They should not be EXPECTED to just pick up the ball when you need a cater. They should be completely free to see their grandchildren on their own terms. A lot of grandparents have very active working and social lives and taking that time for themselves after raising their own family does not make them selfish.

Yes I have selfish grand parents

No but I’ve noticed a trend of lazy and useless parents

Parents aka grandparents are seflish.

I have the opposite problem, greedy grandparents who won't leave us alone. No joke when they don't respect boundaries, manipulate to get their way and expect priory. If I had honesty not put an end to it I think my kids would have become their kids and I would have just been a surrogate. I' m still on friendly terms for my kids and hubby sake, but I honesty would not care seeing them again otherwise.

I think the problem is that you yourself are being selfish. What gives you the right to expect your parents to look after your children? If you can’t look after them, don’t have children. Simple.

I'm in two minds about this.

On one hand I agree, and wish my parents and in-laws wanted to look after my children more.

But on the other hand, our society has changed so much....

It use to be everyone was at home. So grandma (who hadn't been working for the last 20+ years, if at all), was ready and waiting to help look after her grandchildren. And to give Mum (also a sahm), a bit of a break for date night or so Mum could go grocery shopping, take other children to appointments etc.

Where as now, grandma has only just retired herself and is being asked to watch her grandchildren 8+ hours a day so Mum can work.

Life is so hard now for both working Mums and SAHMs.

Bottom line...you get out of a relationship what you put in. A grandparent is entitled to go about their life without being involved with their grandchildren, this is true. These grandparents, however, should not expect to build this relationship when they slow down near the end of their life because by then the grandchildren have grown up without this connection. Grandparents who make the time to be with their grandchildren will benefit from this nurtured relationship as they age.

In the old days people retired at 60 or 55

My mum is 55 and works 50 hours a week and my dad works 30 hours a week
My mother in law works 70'hours a week with her hubby as business owners
They have 13 grandkids age from 1 week to 4 years

No, I havent noticed that trend at all amongst people I know!

On a different note, Its very naive to say that elderly people are dumped in nursing homes. We all (whole family) put a lot of time and effort into keeping my gran in her own home for as long as possible but she had to go to a nursing home for her own safety because we all work so couldnt be there with her 24/7 and she would turn on the oven or whatever and forget.
We visit her all the time, she is not 'dumped' at all.

Not everybody is a 'people or kids' person. Some people love their grandchildren, but, after a while just really need to get the hell away from them. Your parents have done 'their time' raising small children to be adults. They probably enjoy the odd small visit, but that's it. The don't have to be any more involved than that. I think you are coming from this as a 'for the children/relationships' perspective for the sake of the readers, but secretly also enjoy the chance to 'tune out' when you're kids are buzzing all around their grandparents and would like more of that, labelling it as a 'visit' but not the guilt of calling it 'child care'. You're resentful 'if you can't put in now, don't expect anyone to care for you later...' attitude is gross. They have put in now, by raising YOU and giving YOU the best chance they could E.g. instead of just doing something for the nature of goodwill, you are looking at it with a 'you do for me, I do for you..' attitude. Maybe they are backing off for a reason, so you step up, sort your shit, suck it up, you're a whinger, spoilt, your kids are brats? As some people age they lose their tolerance and need more time out. You are all about you and what 'you and your kids need'. Try asking 'why don't they want to be around us...?'

I feel like everyone is selfish and self entitled. Don't just blame grandparents

My kids grandparents just retired and moved interstate to spend more time with their grandkids who are now teenagers. And the kids don't want to spend any time with them because they're teenagers, its not cool, theyd rather hang out with their buddies.
So you cant win

Both sets of Grandparents leave a lot to be desired. Both sets are retired, never see the kids and we live only a few minutes drive from them. They call on the phone and are fake about asking how are the kids. The kids are getting older now and they see them for what they are - shallow selfish people, who only care about themselves. They are quick enough to call me when they want something. I cant wait until they are older and need nursing care - it will be my turn at the wheel then to play that game!

I'm late to this conversation but wanted to weigh in. I'm a 53 y.o. grandmother who sometimes resents the (very adorable) grandchild coming for the weekend while the parents get a weekend off. I still work fulltime and have my 11 year old at home too. My days off are necessary for recharging. Also, I don't recall my parents dropping me off for the weekends with my grandparents and leaving. Visits were family visits, with everyone there. I want to see my grandson but I want to see my son and daughter-in-law too. When I hear my grandson has been with his other grandparents the previous weekend, I become a bit nonplussed.

My guess is that your view if “elderly people” is that they are not as important as you. When was the last time you reached out to them to really see what their true needs are? My step grandchildren, who are bit my FLESH AND BLOOD only have time for getting together to meet their needs- what I can do for them. We only get together fir kids’ school and sports events and birthday parties where it is expected that a gift is included. A thank you is never given, and no communication is given on either their grand father’s or my birthday not to mention any other parent-related situation. I have witnessed a total one-way relationship, and life is simply to short for that. We love them, but we also respect ourselves. That is NOT being selfish.

They’ve raised their kids and it isn’t their responsibility to raise yours. They can do as they please

My daughter in law and hubby see us as babysitters, pure and simple. So stop sugar coating it with this crap about family time. They come over with an agenda, hit us up for more free day care so they can run around.

My in-laws are so self absorbed. My MIL drives me insane. We've never had any help from them with the kids and that has just hurt so much because my own grandparents were so loving and wanted to be involved. My in-laws love their life, socialising, volunteering etc, which is great, but they never give any of their time to us. The only reason my kids see my in-laws is because I make the effort to visit and foster a relationship with them. They favour my SILs kids over mine, even buying them more presents at Christmas one year and assuming we wouldn't care. My in-laws never offer to help and I have to give them heaps of notice about things like grandparents Day at school, and then my MIL acts like she should get the Nobel peace prize for showing up once! Any favour they do for us is seen as a HUGE sacrifice. I don't ask them to babysit for an evening anymore cos it's clearly an imposition. My husband and I have struggled so much over the years and never had any help from our inlaws which would have made such a difference. They fool themselves that they are involved, caring grandparents but they are not. And it breaks my heart. If we could help each other more in our society life would be so much better for everyone. I 100% agree with the poor mum who made the first post. It's horrible to have inlaws that are so selfish and entitled that they can't spare a little of their time to ease the burden on their families. Who will look after them in their old age when they have set an example of selfishness? Will they have to reap what they sow? I'm scared my anger at them will make me too bitter to help them when that time comes.

My dad just retired, before then worked in a job where his roster is opposite the kids school week so didn't see them much. Now he's traveling while he can because he's 70 and he wants to see things before he's too old and the chronic pain takes over.
My kids are still pretty close to him despite the lack of spending time together, I don't think it's Selfish to want to enjoy himself for a while

The selfish grandparents question was 2 years ago but i cannot believe how selfish the person who posted a posted this is. We brought up our children, went without so much during that time. Those children are your responsibility not the grandparents. Unbelievable....

Couples need ME time and children have huge demands on the parents time and attention. It’s called helping a loved one out.

Yes! My in-laws are so selfish and show no interest in my family or my kids. I think they are just assholes. If they truly cared about my husband and us they would offer to help or want to be apart of our lives. Luckily, my parents are amazing and the kind of grandparents we will be to my grandchildren.

25, single and childfree. Also the youngest of five children and caregiver of a disabled military veteran mother. She will be 50 this year and became a grandmother at 35 when her 15 yr old daughter brought home a baby. You can bet that every single time my older sister and one of my brothers calls or Facebook messages Mama it's because they want somebody to be bothered with their kids or money from her monthly disability check for something the kids supposedly need. These grown adults who laid down and got children as teens still want to burden their ailing mother. And I see the stress it causes her and it irks me to no end. So I help Tired Nanna get some peace and quiet and keep her money for herself by ignoring phone calls,erasing messages, and reminding the world that this woman has raised her own children already. You would be surprised how little Mama hears from her own children when they realize she isn't a free babysitter or cash machine for kids she didn't have. Suits me and her just fine. We're planning a trip from USA to Canada to celebrate her 50th birthday and aren't worried at all about the 7 grandchildren she's been burdened with!

My mother in law is 51. She hasn't spoken to her son in over 2 years, let alone thy grandkids.

If you don't have any expectations of what grandparents should do, you can't be disappointed.

No one should ever rely on anyone to look after their child. It’s the parent/s privilege and duty to do so. I have three children - all past 25 - no kids. I am not willing to be more than a once or twice a week babysitter at night, if they had children. They aren’t mine, but I think that it where you say ‘enough’. Claire

Selfish parents today, want to have their cake and eat it too. Just got the request to babysit 2 kids for a week so they can have "me time in Hawaii. Nope! Don't have kids if you are not committed. Me time seems to be the most important thing to them. Not the upbringing of their children. We have done our time, and get this, WE are in our sixties now!!!! You think you have stress running after young kids? Give me a break!

Yes I totally agree, todays grandparents are the selfish generation no doubt!

Though i didn't understand who author is supporting,
I would like to share my story.
My grandmother(father's mother) is a lazy woman and talkative and healthy in nature, she never helps my mother in doing regular day activities,
Because for cooking on stove she had to stand for sometime,no need to do all this she can atleast cut the vegetables.
My mother was treated as a slave.
When my mom cooks food,she wouldn't even stand in the kitchen because curry has to be made,instead she takes her phone and calls her daughter,talk to her for more than half an hour.in the morning and in the evening.
For dinner as we have to prepare the food in the evening itself, grandmother (fathers mother)goes outside and gives motivational talk to the neighbours how one should behave in families.
My mom have no idea where the temples are, in general hindus have little bit idea which temple is in which place.she was taken outside very rarely.
My mom was not allowed to go to her hometown,
If mom ,went then this grandmother starts acting as if she is newly married And starts shouting that she dont know where to find sugar in the kitchen.my grandfather (father's father) he too supports her wife.
I recently completed my studies and my sibling is studying.we are helping her in any way possible.
This grandmother doesn't even fold her blankets and will lay it on the bed and that too my mother should do it,
She doesn't even sweep her room,
She doesn't washes her tea glasses even
If my mom didn't do any household work that goes on this grandmothers mind, this grandmother uses her talkative nature and complains to my dad and there will be arguments and sometimes fight .
If my mom is suffering from any diseases
There's nothing change in her,
Even if my mom is sleeping or taking rest,and this grandmother wants something to eat she dont care, she will start shouting that nothing is present on the table,though all the items are present on the table, the reason y she is shouting is because someone should make it for her.
We stay in different rooms while sleeping and i close the doors
If i put on the light in the night for studying or other, this grandmother talks to grandfather that i am purposefully doing it, and here the night means during 9:00 pm to 10:00pm.
This healthy grandmothers regular activities are
watching t.v,
talking on mobile phones for hours,
sit outside and talk about the families in the street, most of that stupid talk about other families are her assumptions.but this degrading others is her FAVOURITE hobby
instead of helping in household activities exactly when her help is needed to mom, she starts doing her hobbies.
I just completed my studies
Recently i was asked to leave my home by my grandfather because i asked him not to watch tv till midnight 1:00am Because i am getting headache and eye swelling
He is watching matches after watching regular serials which he watches for several hours.
I sleep on the bed in hall where tv is there

My mom is suffering from diabetes at the age of 36 ,now she is suffering from spine related problems.
The main reason y mom is still bearing all the pain is because of me and
my sister who is studying.
Even animal's show loyalty, but mom with the tiredness still doing heavy work for the 6 people in the house.
My sister and me helps her whenever mom called us.
We are suffering in hell with the stress given to us by the narscistic grandmother and grandfather.

This thread makes me so fucking sad at the state of the world

People are going to look back on their life and say they worked more than they played
They missed their kids childhoods cos of working
They missed their grandkids cos they were working

What a sad society we've become 😞

The person I was the closest to in the world was my grandmother. For 16 years I was basically an only child (I had half siblings through my dad's second marriage, who I love, but I lived with my mum and she didn't have my brother until I was 16). My mum was and still is a very present, nurturing mother, but she worked part time, sometimes odd hours (bar work) and I spent a lot of time on weekends staying with her parents. When I was 11, my grandfather started experiencing heart issues, we moved 900km to be closer to them to spend time with them. This meant that I was able build strong loving relationships with both of my grandparents and I was the apple of their eye. They loved spending time with me and vice versa. It wasn't a chore or a duty or something they "had to do". It was called being a family. My mother never asked (exept occassionally), they wanted to spend time with their granddaughter. When I was much younger (between 2 and 7, my dad wasn't married, and worked full time, so I would go and stay with his parents during his every second weekend visits. This also wasn't considered a chore. It was building loving family relationships. Some of my best, warmest memories are with my grandparents, and I cherish those. I only have one grandparent left now. My parents where young when I was born and probably needed help at first, but isn't that what families just do? Reading some of these responses I guess I'm lucky that I had 4 loving granparents (not to mention aunties and uncles) who actually wanted to spend time with me and made time for me?. My mum and I lived with my uncle (her younger brother) for two years, and he would often babysit me while my mum worked a late shift (Thursday night packing groceries). My Aunty (my Dads sister) would have me over for a week or two at a time during school holidays so I could spend time with my cousins (who, while a bit younger that me, I adored). I thought that this was just normal family. I guess not...It makes me sad to think that not everyone has this...and grateful that I did.

I know many old people in homes that took care of their grandkids for free and were expecting their children to not put them in homes yet there they are.
As for Grandparents watching your children, it all depends on how much they watch them.
You can't expect them to watch them whenever you go to work for free, that would be really selfish of you. A couple days a week is one thing but 5 days a week or more and 40+ hours a week is over the top. And what do you do for them? Seems like you are just being selfish and mad because you can't get a free babysitter.

Couldn’t agree more!

I'm sorry but it's their life, and they should be able to spend it how they like. Maybe the OP is a jerk and they can't stand her?

totally agree my MIL has NO Interest in any of her grandkids at all. So my kids don't c are about her at all now

a sense of entitlement is prevalent when my daughter and children come to visit. we have to accommodate their wishes than the other way around as they are visiting our home. Tired and resentful grandma

i love to see my daughter and 2 young grand daughters. but instead of visiting us in our home they assume we are there to take care of everyones needs.

I think it’s not selfish if they’ve got full- time jobs. My mother-in-law is incredibly selfish. My husband and I are older parents. She’s only babysat for a few hours on a couple of occasions in my children’s lives! I once explained that I would like to take my husband out for a milestone birthday somewhere special and her response was “so who’s going to babysit?”. She refused! Now she’s getting very elderly I don’t intend being there for her!!! What goes around comes around!

If anything, I've noticed a bigger trend of needy adult children. My parents generation often didn't complete high school but have been full time working 'adults' from the age of 15/16 on wards and earlier. High school and higer education was only for the 'rich/well to do' or 'smart kids'. I recall mum talking about paper runs and work in flower shops , cleaning/dishes work etc from 10/11/12. Then no help from parents, the expectation was living out of home from mid/late teens on wards as that was the done thing when you start working full time. You were an adult if you weren't in school. Had kids late teens/early twenties and there was no baby sitting / support/limited visits from my grandparents as they were still working and surviving too. There were limited child care centres and no tax benefits so mum quit her job so she could stay at home during the day and did night work. Not resentful about missing out on her career etc. Quite common for many people her generation. Yes many of us have worked as 'teens' but I would say it for many of us, it was still quite 'cushy' and we really didn't view ourselves as 'real adults' until 18 on wards often studying / working / socialising until we finish our degree. Now this doesn't apply to everyone, but a far more common reality than the lives of our parents in the 60's/70's/80's. I'd cut grandparents some slack. Many of them are still working full time, smashing away the $ for retirement and are using this time to focus on achieving their goals to set themselves up better like my folks, as their time and $ went into us as children. My parents love time with grand kids but in short bursts. I see that they get quite tired and my dad's often lack of patience/grumpiness was always a hot topic when we were growing up, and see that he struggles more with minor tantrums / crying / behaviour issues of grand kids and would say that in general the kids are quite well behaved.

I wouldn't say selfish but the whole 'it takes a village to raise a child' thing is definitely not practiced as much as it used to be. I think in a way society has become very selfish.

I am very grateful and happy that my parents want to be involved and love being involved in my kids lives, they visit often, they have such a good relationship with my kids and both my partner and I feel completely comfortable leaving our kids in their care.

My partners parents on the other hands are what I would call extremely selfish. They don't want to be involved in ours or our kids lives unless is benefits them. They don't visit even thought they live 10 minutes away, yet they expect us to always visit them, they don't call (not even on birthdays), they don't turn up for family things, they don't make an effort to have a relationship with us or the kids and they never have. We cut ties with them just after our sons birthday in March after they didn't bother calling on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday, they didn't show up to his party because they didn't feel like it. At his party he turned around and asked us where grandma and grandad were and why weren't they at his party. I refuse to let my children grow up wondering why their family members don't care.

We very rarely ask anything of our parents except to be there. Be there for birthdays, be there to meet their grandkids, show up to sports games (even if its only once), call and have a chat to the kids, pop around for a visit so the kids can show you their toys they got for their birthday. Just simply be there and actually want to be there. Don't half arse it, don't put in zero effort then complain when my kids don't want to see you.

This thread makes me realise who few people enjoy children's company. 😔

My hubby is 23 and his mum is 40 and works full time cause young granny can’t get old pension just cause she’s a granny
Get a life OP

My mom doesn't show interest in taking care of my son. She said she did her "time" and it's my turn. Before I would ask her to take care of him while I went to the grocery store and she would always say no, so I stopped asking her all together, she has favorites and that's okay I have accepted that she will not be there for him. It's heart breaking that some grandparents are like this, but in the end it's them missing out on something wonderful.

Yes I agree

This thread makes me so sad

My parents adore my kids and nephews, and my mum is chomping at the bit for my sister in law to go back to work so she can watch the newest addition... she will likely start working when bubs is about 2/3 months and mum will watch bubba

When I had my kids mum took of 6 weeks both times and bought groceries , cooked every night cleaned watched the baby while I slept

I can't wait for them to retire and start spending 6 months a year up here so my kids will have a nanny day once a week... not for me Iv never felt like I needed regular breaks from my kids but for my kids and my mum to share that time that I know they will both cherish the rest of their lives

I'm so grateful my kids are just loved left right and center with people who enjoy their company.

Women work, folks, in and out of the home and do five time the amount of child care as a man, so yes they need and deserve help , and typically get none, and are supposed to remain cheery about being a mom? Really?

A lot of parents are stressed at trying to be perfect model parents like that's going to ensure the kids are great, unfortunately this tends to ruin the marital relationship, e.g. Dad obsessed with the kids, neglects wife😕

It breaks my heart that the only person in my family that makes an effort with my 2 year old is my 18 year old sister I honestly thought his grandparents would care a lot more. They don't even ask how he is? They just see him when I suggest it? I don't see why they can't just simply ask how he is every once in a while?? :( I never had a great relationship with my grandparents and I don't want the same for my boy!

I'm really lucky because we don't have this problem in our family (I consider myself such because I have friends who's parents are just not interested in their grandchildren at all). Our children's grandparents ask to have them more than we ask them to 'babysit'. My mil and mother have both freely offered (without any prompting from my husband or I) to mind our youngest when I return to work not just to free up more money for us but because they want to spend time with our children. My grandparents were also very involved with myself and my siblings and they both worked very hard as business owners, admittedly they were either retired or semi retired when I was born. We also would never send our elders to a nursing home however we are also pretty affluent so money wouldn't be a factor if someone in our family needed full time care which is why I do understand when people have to send relatives into care because not every can afford to become a full time carer. We also have a wide range of medical disaplines in the family so that also helps. We even have people in the palliative sector who moved to that sector just so our older family members would never have to go into a care facility.
We have a very close family and we help each other out were ever possible. In our minds families help and support each other cause if you can't count on family, who can you count on? We love each other unconditionally and want to spend time together because we also like each other as people.
So I just don't really understand families that don't think or operate like mine. I would only be guessing but I imagine the reasons are varied and complex.

There's a rise of selfish grandparents due to selfish parents! As mentioned, our parents have done their time, they've worked their whole lives and personally my parents helped set myself and my siblings for life and also their grandchildren. Knowing my kids will never have to struggle because their grandparents made sure of it, do i really expect them to also stop their lives and do nappies, and snotty noses all over again? Even for just 1 or 2 days a week?! No! If my husband can't look after the kids, then I don't go anywhere and vise versa. We don't dump them with our parents because they have the 'responsibility'. How anyone can expect that from their parents is beyond me.

Well said

I agree to a point. My grandparents helped my parents out heaps when we were little. Always going for sleepovers and cooking stuff, fixing things around the house. They were very hands on. My parents are not the same with their grandkids and have the attitude of "been there, done it, not doing it again! " I think that's a bit selfish. They were happy to accept help when their kids were little. I personally can't wait to be a Nanna one day I have it all planned already 😂

I had less contact/input from all grandparents than i was expecting with my children. I expected them to want to spend some one on one time with them occasionally. One set has now they're over 5 when i needed a babysitter a couple of times. The other set never. When /if i have grandkids I'm sure id offer to have them for half a day fairly regularly

I don't need the grand parents to be babysitters but shit it would be nice if they wanted to get to know the kids. Is it so hard to play hide & seek? Read a book? Take the kid to the movies for a birthday present instead of buying crap? My dad is old and unwell but still visits each fortnight for a coffee and plays peek a boo with the baby and tells the 7 year old funny stories. My mum travels half the year with her partner. We're expected to have dinner at their house before they leave on each trip. It's always food I've never eaten and the kids hate. We don't drink but they always finish 2 bottles of wine. Mum likes her friends to think we're all happy families and that she's involved as much as they are with their grandkids so she often makes things up to appear that way (she helped me with this or that even though she didn't). My FIL comes to town a few times a week but doesn't visit, yet I'm often told off for not visiting enough when they live an hour away. My husband works on their farm so sees them daily. My MIL also lives an hour away but would be in town weekly. She's too busy with her other grandchildren to visit us. We can't visit her as her other son controls her life and she's scared of him, he won't allow us to visit her home.
We're fortunate to have good friends as our support network and are learning to ignore our families. We'd love for them to be more involved but they have different priorities.

My Mil is in a nursing home we kept her in her own place as long as possible but due to a stroke she needs 24/7 care, definitely not dumped or forgotten. My mum helped look after my kids and I was very grateful for the help. You do get what you put in, both of my parents and mil have a lovely relationship without kids.

Haha...the people that are saying ' when I'm a grandparent...' are cracking me up, they sound like all the childless people that say ' when I have children...'. Come on, the reality is that you'll probably still be working and won't have the time to babysit 2-3 times a week or your grandchildren might not even live in the same city/ state/ country as you or your daughter/ son in law might not get along with you.

It's not grandparents job to babysit or clean or do anything.

Yes and no. It is very individualised. I have the same take as you.
I was drowning in PND for two years. Not a word from either side. All I wanted was for someone to come and have a cuppa at home with me. I asked countless times, as did DH. Always busy. We stopped asking, and I eventually got better.
Now I have a 3.5yo son who has zero relationship with either side, and doesn't bother asking to visit them because "they don't like me".
Growing up we had both sides of grandparents and aunties helping out, so I assumed my parents at least, would be involved. Not in a slave labour say, but just a general we love our only grandchild and enjoy spending time with them sense. like at the beach (after I pack meals and everything so no work for them), or going for a walk on any of the tracks they already walk, or spending time at my home or theirs.
Nothing. I have had discussions with them about it. Warned them they aren't building a relationship.
My son is a dreamboat so it's not like he's a nightmare for them. I'll never understand, from either side. All they say is "we love him and are busy. Soon it will change ". All that's changed is our expectations of having an extended family. We have wonderful friends who are our extended family, anyone else in the same boat - stop trying to bend over backwards for them, creating fun outings. Take your kids and enjoy the memories. It's the grandparents choices and they'll deal with the consequences. Be honest with your kids that it's not about them.
Good luck folks. People are brutal

I agree that what you put into a relationship is what you get out. If grandparents can't be bothered to spend time with family now they can't expect you to spend time with them when older. Though grandparents are meant to be enjoying retirement not constantly babysitting.

I encourage mine and my husbands parents to travel and spend their money. They've worked for it, it's theirs and they're all healthy and able yet ou wouldn't believe the absolute scabs who call themselves family that are already either expecting their inheritance or spending/asking for them. Thankfully our parents listen to husband and i and have been on several trips and booking more.

This one is a hard one because my Mother and In-Law do some things to help us out and I don't complain the more help the better. They are both retired and keep knitting and making clothes for the children, so I am absolutely grateful for very thing they give me. However, I do struggle when asking for help with the kids. I had an operation last year and my mother wasn't interested in helping me out for a few weeks. She suggested I get a nanny in until I recover, the nannies didn't want to deal with me, wont work on weekends and they are very expensive. If I try to arrange for her to attend appointments at the doctors, so she could keep an eye on the kids, she wasn't interested. Its almost like they are avoiding the hands on work. What surprises me was my grandmother was always there for her when we were young, she would cook dinner, bath, dress, play and babysat all the time. The way I take this, I will never turn down any help they are willing to give and try to work on the other parts because she has asked me not to put her in a nursing home and to live with us. There might be a reason as to why she wont help physically.

some grandparents are wonderful, some are arse h**es, my MIL doesn't want anything to do with the grand kids unless there is something in it for her. She said don't ask me to babysit, ( we never did, and having kids at a later age, we wanted to be with our kids), now our teenagers don't want anything to do with her. She buys our kids coloring books, partly used from op shops, for their birthdays, yep not even new, and they are teenagers . She bought our 12 year old a dinosaur toy for 3 year olds. you get back what you put out.