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Partners son sleeping in our bed
Answered 4 years ago
My partners son is 6. We don't live together. I rarely stay overnight when he has his children and his son sleeps with him. On a handful of occasions when I have slept over I've made it clear that I am not comfortable if his son comes into the bed. I feel weird and its physically uncomfortable. I've asked that if he wants to cuddle to please take him back and stay in his bed.
He says he doesn't understand why I can't deal with it. Am I being unreasonable?
I'm very supportive and understanding of their close relationship so it's just this one boundary I'm asking to be respected.
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ANSWER
4 years ago
I feel your pain, I see why you feel weird. Also, as the real mum, I'd find it weird my kid co sleeping with another woman that isn't me.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Then don't stay when the child stays over. If he asks why, say I feel uncomfortable sleeping in bed with you and child. Then then only stay over When he's not there
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REPLY
4 years ago
As I said it's only been a handful of times in 2 years and unavoidable at those times. They bothwant me to stay more but I've said no.
REPLY
4 years ago
yep you will soon see dad taking a firmer approach to the night time routine and I totally feel your pain, I would not be comfy sleeping with kids other than my own
ANSWER
4 years ago
Yes you’re being unreasonable
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REPLY
4 years ago
Can you explain why please so that I can understand another point of view.
REPLY
4 years ago
No their not. A kid in the bed destroys personal relationships and nighttime is usually the only time you get to focus on your partner and be an adult and do adult things.
Stand your ground OP. The kid does not need to be in the bed!
Stand your ground OP. The kid does not need to be in the bed!
REPLY
4 years ago
He is too old to be in bed with dad especially when she’s there
REPLY
4 years ago
She's not saying he can't sleep with his kid, maybe that he jumps in with him in his bed. I am not comfortable sleeping with kids other than my own especially if the relationship with him and the kid is still early days.
ANSWER
4 years ago
How do you have sex ?
ANSWER
4 years ago
I understand your predicament because this was literally my life.
I sat my partner down and said I have bought my home for my kids but my bedroom is my/our sanctuary. It is a kid free zone. They don’t come in unless invited. They don’t take my stuff if it’s in my room without asking. If the door is closed they knock. That I will never change and they have a whole house to be in and a bedroom of their own and they don’t need to be in mine. End of story.
I dealt with a 9 year old trying to sneak in for two years and my partner was told he is to get up, get the kid, and put him back to bed. And if he does it 100 times a night you must be firm and consistent. That kid tried everything from sneaking into the bed to sneaking into the room to sleep on the floor and sleeping on the couch outside our door.
Consistency paid off.
But I was also not budging at inch. If he asked his dad for a “sleepover” the answer is always no.
Good luck
I sat my partner down and said I have bought my home for my kids but my bedroom is my/our sanctuary. It is a kid free zone. They don’t come in unless invited. They don’t take my stuff if it’s in my room without asking. If the door is closed they knock. That I will never change and they have a whole house to be in and a bedroom of their own and they don’t need to be in mine. End of story.
I dealt with a 9 year old trying to sneak in for two years and my partner was told he is to get up, get the kid, and put him back to bed. And if he does it 100 times a night you must be firm and consistent. That kid tried everything from sneaking into the bed to sneaking into the room to sleep on the floor and sleeping on the couch outside our door.
Consistency paid off.
But I was also not budging at inch. If he asked his dad for a “sleepover” the answer is always no.
Good luck
ANSWER
4 years ago
Perhaps you can compromise here and sleep elsewhere on those nights? Or perhaps don’t stay over at all when he has his kids. If your partner is ok with his son in his bed and you’re not, I feel like it should be you sleeping somewhere else, not his son. He is 6. He’s not your child. And you’re an adult.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Hey op! I can understand your frustration. I don’t even share a bed with my bio kids let alone a partners child like in your case. But here’s the thing you’re the adult and need to put yourself in master 6 mind. He’s far too young to understand your discomfort and may view not being allowed to sleep with dad as “rejection” and you taking his dad away from him 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t have any particular advice except for perhaps put a mattress in the room so his not too far away from dad. Take turns with the lil guy eg: friday he sleeps with dad then Saturday it’s your turn and replace it with an extra 30 mins tv time. It’s a sticky situation but definitely not a deal breaker imo. Work with it not against it. I hear you I truly do just be patient, the kid will grow out of it eventually. Good luck
ANSWER
OP
4 years ago
We've been together 2 years.