Foster kids and bio kidS
Answered 4 years ago
We have had a foster child living with us in long term placement for several years. When my own kids were younger (they are about 3 years older than foster child) they all liked each other most of the time and got on well. My oldest is 15 now and has now hated the foster child so much about 12 months that they state it is ruining their childhood,making them unhappy and they don't want to live at home anymore if "that child" has to live here. I'm very attached to foster child and don't want to cause then abandonment by getting "rid" of them, but I don't want to make my own child feel like I don't care about their life and make our relationship tense because of Foster child. I don't know what to do anymore at all and it's making me so unhappy as well knowing I'm "ruining" my child's life, but then I would feel guilty having a child consider me "mum" for so long and saying well too bad you weren't important enough to me to work something out. I need advice
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Could you imagine this 12 year old being put with a new family!!! Vulnerable age! 12 year olds are taking drugs these days, fuck knows where they will end up. Plus it’s much harder to find a family to place a 12 year old with, most families would assume there’s issues with the child that the department is not telling them about. 12 year old often spend time in group homes!
If you wouldn’t consider getting rid of a bio child I don’t understand how you could consider this given your 12 year old has lived with you so long.
I took on care of a 14 year old foster child. I can tell you now if he had stability though out his child hood (like your 12 year old has) he would have led a different life. He had already been incarcerated several times before I met him.
I know you are thinking of your 15 year olds feelings, I however think that he needs to buckle up and learn that the 12 year old is part of the family.
Good luck 🥰🥰🥰
As a first step I would suggest talking to your 15 year old, asking them why they feel they way they do? Then also explain that your foster child is a member of the family too and that he/she has nowhere else to go.
I find it odd that everyone was getting along and now your 15 year old wants the younger one out. Has something serious happened between them? You need to find out. Good luck.
At 15 their childhood is done so I cant see how the other child is ruining it, perhaps challenge that idea and have them reflect on how much fun they used to have together. Explain that as we get older younger kids can be annoying and in a few years they will get along well together again. Tell both children that they are family and none of them are going anywhere. That age is such a selfish age, your bio child will grow up and feel bad about what they've said, but to have a placement breakdown now would be detrimental to your fc child's life. Maybe some counselling for the 15yo?