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My wife gets really upset because I’m not fond of giving her massages

Answered 1 year ago

So she has always struggled with back problems although I keep telling her to get it checked worked on professionally she never does anything about it other than pop pills and ask me for massages. At first I’d do it no problem but it started becoming very recurrent and I suffer from chronic Insomnia so a lot of the times I have no energy for them giving i work 9 hours a day come home cook dinner most days. She also works comes home tired. I tell her I don’t mind doing it but it’s not something I like doing and that should be ok. She says if you are not going to do it with a good attitude don’t do it at all. I tell her it’s not like I’m complaining the whole way through sometimes I’ll say in a kind voice things like “oh babe I’m so tired today can I do it for 5 minutes” she tells me she had same issues with her ex husband. So I tell her well no one likes giving long massages all the time. I don’t know am I being insensitive or is she taking things to another level they don’t need to?


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ANSWER
1 year ago
She seems a bit spoiled to be honest. Get her to go to the doctors.

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REPLY
1 year ago
She’s not asking for massages after lazing around all day- she works too and has a sore back. At most I’d say that she could be asking a bit much of her partner when he is tired too, but that would all depend on what she does for him..... does she cook his meals, wash his clothes, do most of the housework? Does that then make her husband spoiled?

REPLY
1 year ago
He says he comes home and cooks dinner most days

REPLY
1 year ago
Does he care for the kids, do his share of other housework, pack his own lunch? Cooking dinner 1/2 the time just sounds like doing your fair share of cooking.....

REPLY
1 year ago
Most days is not half the time

ANSWER
1 year ago
That’s fine, but don’t expect her to do anything for you that she doesn’t enjoy/ feel like doing......think about give and take in the relationship. She may be thinking that she is asking very little of you in comparison to what she does for you/ your children(if you have any).

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REPLY
1 year ago
She has ongoing back problems and won't bother to go see a professional to get it sorted. I think it's fair to not want to be the one giving her massages all the time when she should be trying to stop from getting a sore back in the first place. I know I wouldn't always want to be helping my husband with something he didn't try to prevent.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Buy her some massage vouchers

ANSWER
1 year ago
She sounds like a dick, she needs a doctor and a regualr remedial massage from a professional.

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REPLY
1 year ago
He doesn't sound like a prize either.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Just give her really bad ones so she gives up asking. Buy her a gift voucher for a professional massage, then she’ll realise that is what she needs.

ANSWER
1 year ago
If she won't go to a professional, maybe just buy a massage mat or something for her to lay on. Then she can have a massage whenever she likes and you don't have to do it.

ANSWER
1 year ago
First of all, can you change the bed/matress/ pillow? Or afford her to have regular professional massages, or even a hand held massager/massage chair/device etc.
I used to get chronic sore neck and shoulders from a crappy posture mainly, and constantly nagged my partner to massage me, he hated it and normally expected something in return, which then pissed me off lol. I eventually stopped asking so much as he gave me hell attitude and started doing a really crappy job so in the end it wasnt worth it.
I ended up getting a bamboo pillow which actually helped 10 fold, then eventually upgraded to a bamboo mattress topper too. And a massage device. Now if its really bad I bribe my 3 kids to take turns lol. Their little bony elbows are the best for shoulder knots and theyll do whatever for chocolate hahaha.
I feel for you both as I get her side, but also know how its affecting you. Hopefully you find something that works better.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Well maybe she doesn’t like giving blow jobs or having sex, but still does it because she knows you enjoy it.....

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REPLY
1 year ago
...... good point!

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1 year ago
She shouldn’t have to do it though. That’s the point.

ANSWER
1 year ago
She would benefit from seeing a doctor, chiro, physio & a remedial massage therapist. She needs a treatment plan. A few appointments in the first few months, then she should be able to stretch them out once she gets on top of it, she'll only need maintenance appointments. Maybe get her a voucher for a Remedial Massage Therapist to get her started.

ANSWER
1 year ago
My husband works in a very physical job and often asks for massages. I'm fine with doing them every so often but at one stage when he was asking me to do them often it was becoming a chore. So I understand how you're feeling. I ended up saying straight up no to him in the end and told him to go see a masseuse. He didn't like out but they did a better job anyway.
Now I have injured my elbow and it hurts to massage. Maybe you could tell her you have something like tennis elbow or carpal tunnel syndrome from repetitive massages and it hurts you to much to much to rub. 🤷‍♀️

ANSWER
1 year ago
Honestly, I personally wouldn’t want a massage from someone who doesn’t like giving them. She doesn’t sound like she is considering your feelings at all. Maybe you could give her a voucher to a proper masseuse?

ANSWER
1 year ago
She needs to be mindful of your wellbeing and feelings too and if she won’t get it sorted professionally I would have little to no sympathy