My husband goes to ‘guys night’ once the baby goes down (1yr) and not back home until 5:30. Claims it’s okay cause it’s
Answered 1 year ago
My husband goes to ‘guys night’ once the baby goes down (1yr) and not back home until 5:30. Claims it’s okay cause it’s only twice a month. What am I feeling?
So my husband has only one friend, not a very good friend, but a friend. Every other weekend he goes to get away and let lose a bit. Fine. I love having the house to myself and our baby is sleeping well through the night. But when I wake up at 5:30 the next morning and he still isn’t home I wonder.
When I confront him about this he just gets really defensive sometimes he even calls me names. Tells me I am acting like my Dad and saying I express my anger differently and that I disrespect him. Note this used to be a regular thing but now it only happens on nights like these.
He kept repeating “twice a month. Twice a month” like that should make him being gone all night okay.
He doesn’t have a job due to his MS and I am working through my second degree of college to get a higher wage to support us better. I do my very best to be a good Mom to our son in between work and school and I am sure I don’t always do a good job.
Why does when he leaves at 8:30 at night and return at 5:30 in the morning then he’ll sleep until 2pm suck so bad? It’s not like he hasn’t earned it. He’s a good Dad and loves his son to pieces and I get my Saturday’s too... I just don’t know what I am feeling to tell him why I am unhappy when he returns home at such an unreasonable hour.
I don’t mind taking the baby while he sleeps, or that he has beer with the guys, but why does it suck so much when he can’t come home?
We tried a curfew but then we just fought every time he went over. Though he acted, when we made the original deal like it was a very fair arrangement.
I am unbelievably hurt because he told me to eat shit and to fuck off today... because I asked him to be “reasonably responsible”. My heart hurts and I don’t want to talk to my family because I don’t want them seeing him in a negative light.
Can someone please tell me what I am thinking? I am terrible with words.
Have an answer?
You both deserve your own lives outside of the one you share together. Make sure you take time for yourself doing what you enjoy as well.
When our youngest was 8 months old he left saying I didn't want him to be happy, I was always trying to bring him down.
I had years of counseling because I was so confused and hurt. I just wanted a guy who respected me and loved being a part of a family. He didn't want that. I call him Peter Pan because he has repeated this behaviour with the women after me.
The counselling helped me learn how to communicate better, deal with my emotions much more healthily and its put me in such a good frame of mind that when I finally met my partner I knew he was a good guy. I have boundaries and I respect myself but the best part is that my partner wouldn't even think to treat me that way. He goes out often with the boys but I've never been upset by his decisions surrounding that.
Anyway, that's just my experience. My advice is to talk to a counselor who can hell you work through your thoughts and emotions. They can make a huge difference to you whether you stay together or not.