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My husband goes to ‘guys night’ once the baby goes down (1yr) and not back home until 5:30. Claims it’s okay cause it’s

Answered 1 year ago

My husband goes to ‘guys night’ once the baby goes down (1yr) and not back home until 5:30. Claims it’s okay cause it’s only twice a month. What am I feeling?

So my husband has only one friend, not a very good friend, but a friend. Every other weekend he goes to get away and let lose a bit. Fine. I love having the house to myself and our baby is sleeping well through the night. But when I wake up at 5:30 the next morning and he still isn’t home I wonder.
When I confront him about this he just gets really defensive sometimes he even calls me names. Tells me I am acting like my Dad and saying I express my anger differently and that I disrespect him. Note this used to be a regular thing but now it only happens on nights like these.
He kept repeating “twice a month. Twice a month” like that should make him being gone all night okay.
He doesn’t have a job due to his MS and I am working through my second degree of college to get a higher wage to support us better. I do my very best to be a good Mom to our son in between work and school and I am sure I don’t always do a good job.
Why does when he leaves at 8:30 at night and return at 5:30 in the morning then he’ll sleep until 2pm suck so bad? It’s not like he hasn’t earned it. He’s a good Dad and loves his son to pieces and I get my Saturday’s too... I just don’t know what I am feeling to tell him why I am unhappy when he returns home at such an unreasonable hour.
I don’t mind taking the baby while he sleeps, or that he has beer with the guys, but why does it suck so much when he can’t come home?
We tried a curfew but then we just fought every time he went over. Though he acted, when we made the original deal like it was a very fair arrangement.
I am unbelievably hurt because he told me to eat shit and to fuck off today... because I asked him to be “reasonably responsible”. My heart hurts and I don’t want to talk to my family because I don’t want them seeing him in a negative light.
Can someone please tell me what I am thinking? I am terrible with words.


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ANSWER
1 year ago
Leave him MS or not he is using you. It isnt worth it.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Don't let his illness make excuses for disrespectful behaviour. I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that and nor should anyone. Staying out all night would make me quite suspicious. Why can't he go out for a few hours twice a month? Sounds more than reasonable to me.

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REPLY
1 year ago
^^ 100%

ANSWER
1 year ago
He’s not a prick :/
You both deserve your own lives outside of the one you share together. Make sure you take time for yourself doing what you enjoy as well.

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REPLY
1 year ago
The until 5.30am makes him a prick

REPLY
1 year ago
this made me laugh :)

REPLY
1 year ago
lol

REPLY
1 year ago
Telling his partner to eat shit and fuck off makes him a prick

ANSWER
1 year ago
I don’t think I could be with a man who does not have some type of job. I’m sorry but there is a thing called childcare - both parents should have jobs and contribute and feel like their own person. Also why can’t he study for something MS is motor skills not brain related.

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REPLY
1 year ago
MS is brain related too. It can effect your speech and memory.

REPLY
1 year ago
Ms is actually caused from the brain.

REPLY
1 year ago
You guys just made my day. I've had MS for nearly 20 years and I can tell you that's it's a disease of the central nervous system. Yes it affects my brain but also my ability to walk properly, balance, I'm always tired, forget almost everything and every night before I got to bed, I wonder if I'll have vision when I wake. Other than that, life is A-OK ✌

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1 year ago
Not brain related?????? 🤪

REPLY
1 year ago
My aunt has it too. She's in a wheelchair and can't walk or talk :(

ANSWER
1 year ago
“ eat shit and fuck off”...seriously? I would never put up with anyone speaking to me like that. He doesn’t love you if he speaks to you like that. Take your beautiful baby and walk away.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Get a babysitter, get dressed up and go do the same with your girls ❤

ANSWER
1 year ago
He is a prick.

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REPLY
1 year ago
My husband has plaques on his brain...

ANSWER
1 year ago
Because he doesn’t have a job, he probably doesn’t have much social input going on besides these nights out.....that’s probably why he values them so much. That being said, why is it necessary to go out until the next morning? I can’t imagine that is good for his MS either..... maybe you could encourage a healthier social outlet for him. It is definitely not ok for him to tell you to eat shit etc. I would be worried about infidelity as well.....but that might just be my insecurity lol

ANSWER
1 year ago
My ex husband would do exactly the same. He would call me names especially the fun police. He would spend our bill money and throw it in my face that he'd learnt it so I could put up and shut up. We would get into huge arguments but after years of it and with 3 young children I eventually was defeated and just went inside myself, feeling very used and abused.
When our youngest was 8 months old he left saying I didn't want him to be happy, I was always trying to bring him down.
I had years of counseling because I was so confused and hurt. I just wanted a guy who respected me and loved being a part of a family. He didn't want that. I call him Peter Pan because he has repeated this behaviour with the women after me.
The counselling helped me learn how to communicate better, deal with my emotions much more healthily and its put me in such a good frame of mind that when I finally met my partner I knew he was a good guy. I have boundaries and I respect myself but the best part is that my partner wouldn't even think to treat me that way. He goes out often with the boys but I've never been upset by his decisions surrounding that.

Anyway, that's just my experience. My advice is to talk to a counselor who can hell you work through your thoughts and emotions. They can make a huge difference to you whether you stay together or not.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I’m sad for you. The way he is treating you and speaking to you is very disrespectful. I would advise you to start speaking with someone about it - family, friend, counsellor. Perhaps you can come to an agreement that works for both of you.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Talk to your family, it sounds like he is trying to alienate you from them