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Sorry this is happening to you. You must feel unappreciated and inconsequential. Just because he makes you feel this way doesn’t mean it is true. You are an amazing, resilient, compassionate woman who is doing a wonderful job with her home and children. As women we are not told this enough - but it is true. No-one can raise your kids the way you can. No-one can juggle your job, the childcare, your household or your partner the way you are able to. You are doing a great job. Your partner may not appreciate it for may years to come (he is probably struggling with many problems of his own), but your children will look back at this time of hardships and praise you for the wonderful mother you are to them. You aren’t just “getting by”, you are investing into your legacy and you are amazing 💕
I think you need to have a discussion about being in this together. Unless there are particular reasons otherwise, it should be 'our money'. I'm sure you are pulling your weight in the relationship in other ways- if only cooking and cleaning at home made money! I'm a sahm so literally earn nothing, but my husband never holds it against be (besides an occasional light hearted joke which I don't mind). We are a team, and after leaving him with both kids for 5 hours, there's no way he wants to be the stay home parent haha. Communication needs to happen so you don't end up resenting him all the time and having your feelings build up and just exploding one day. Best of luck xx
I think you probably both feel under appreciated and over stretched, speaking from my personal experience. The sucky thing about parenting is that you have to cope with everything on the fly, throw in work and it’s exhausting to actually improve or develop your relationship. Unfortunately communication was probably never strong to begin with, yeah sure we can hang out with partners and have good times, but to be open and honest with eachother, where do we learn those skills, it’s really hard to in the thick of it! There are so many facets, but if you can afford it, get him to get you a cleaner, you do not and cannot be doing everything by yourself(yes I know you can, but it’s not healthy for your mind and stress levels when partner isn’t helping).
I don’t really understand why you would work if it all goes to childcare anyway, you could take this time to prioritize your husband and family and be a Sahm. I would recommend studying while the kids are little, it is achievable and you would be investing in yourself. Once the kids are in school you could volunteer during school hours and then get a paying job in your field of study. Unless you have qualifications already and can pay for childcare a part time job is not worth it. As a Sahm you will meet a lot of working mums who run there own businesses get to know them they will offer you work when you are in a better position to commit to it and being mums you will find school hours close to home work. This is called networking it is valuable and as a mum you will be well placed to take advantage.
I sometimes feel like this. We get ourselves into speaking disrespectfully to one another. But at the end of the day if you take time to both recognise you are doing this then it can be fixed. If either think it’s normal behaviour then this is where the problem is.
Remember it can be easy to want to walk away from a marriage but it’s a lot harder to hang in there and try and fix it. Also, remember why you fell in love with this person in the beginning. Best of luck x