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What do you think i should do?
Answered 4 years ago
I need the best of you to give me your thoughts, my childrens father has been an absolute nightmare for 10 long years, he has broken our hearts about a million times, give or take, the range of things he has done go from abandoning the family and vanishing (at least 10 different times) never paying child support, getting involved with drugged up woman who have actually turned up at my door step ‘to kill my kids’ 🙄 refusing to sign their birth certificates, even though the children were planned, continuing an on and off relationship with the ‘kid killer’ in between the times he turns up at our house then vanishes. When he is here he is great with the kids (i know, i know what you are all thinking) and they adore him inspite of all he has done. Anyway last June he vanished again, and also stole $3000 of me, i decided never again.
This week he has sent 3 letters professing his undying love and begging to see the kids next weekend. What would you do?
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ANSWER
4 years ago
Next weekend is Mother’s Day, why does he suddenly want to see his kids at that time. I think he’s up to something. I get a bad vibe.
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4 years ago
Yes you are right, its one of the girls birthday on the Saturday too, he wants to come for that (!), i have said no, but he isnt listening! If he does come he will be breaking the regional borders rule in WA, im wondering if i can use this to my advantage?? 🤔
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4 years ago
Yes if he forces himself report him and get an avo.
ANSWER
4 years ago
The kids will be better off without this toxic person in their life. Get court orders in place and move on with your life. Tell him he has a choice clean himself up or don’t bother. Being a parent is about being responsible, reliable and consistent, it’s tough enough without all the toxicity you have described.
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4 years ago
Thanks for this too, everyone has been very helpful.
ANSWER
4 years ago
OP here, above is obviously a very edited version of what has occurred over the last decade, there is so much stuff that i cant even remember all of it! What makes this even harder is that he and i love each other deeply, i hate myself for this, but i just cant help it, its deep within me and i wish i could turn it off. In years gone by i guess the feelings involved have coloured the way i handle the situation, but since last June i have (bravely :/) tried to forget the feelings and focus on the hurt he causes to the kids and i, deciding that i as the drug free, sane (ish!) parent need to make a stand for the sake of my children. Also my kids are girls, i dont want to show them that its ok for a man you love (and claims to love you back) to treat you/them this way. Please be kind! Help me! Please..
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4 years ago
You certainly do need to take a stand and break the cycle. This behaviour of his should never be forgotten based on a few letters..the reality is is actions. He stole money and caused you massive stress and pain in June! Your poor kids really need you to show them that when someone treats you like this, that it is not ok that you accept it is ok. Your worth is SO much more than this. In that time away he has been living his messed up life and you have been left to pick up all the pieces. I know he may say that in that time he missed you , he’s a failure all that crap, but it is time for him to sort his life out AWAY from you and your kids, not WITH you guys tagging along so he can feel a bit of respite for a few months. YYou need to make the bigger decision here, and know that your feelings of love for someone does not mean that you have to be with that person- that you can also let them go so that you can work on loving yourself and getting your life in order.
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4 years ago
I left someone who I was in love with because I knew that in the end if we ever did marry, I knew I would divorce him out of frustration- that told me that I was better than that. Best move I made, I found someone who was much better for me when I made the bold move. You should write a list of all the qualities of someone you want in a partner.. I think that will help you see this person is not for you, it is painful, but it is like an egg shell cracking....out comes the bigger new you.. I have always thought that the big decisions I have needed to make for my growth are the most painful- but were so necessary for me to be a bigger person.. i think this applies to you too x
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4 years ago
Thank you very much for these answers.
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4 years ago
I think you have very distorted idea of what love is. I also think you’ve already made your decision and are seeking validation that you’re doing the right thing by cutting him loose. You are brave and strong and can break free from this awful man. Focus on loving your girls and setting the right example for them.
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4 years ago
Thank you
ANSWER
4 years ago
Under section 60cc of the family law act which I would quote to him, no! It doesn’t sound in the children’s best interest at all. Sounds like he is trying to use your heart as a hook to pull you on again. You’ve answered yourself I think it isn’t a good idea at all
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4 years ago
Thanks, useful stuff here
ANSWER
4 years ago
Don’t even consider having anything to do with him.
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4 years ago
If you have any self respect, you would fuck him off forever. Do you really want your kids thinking this is ok? This is how you treat women? This is any kind of life? I think not
ANSWER
4 years ago
I would have nothing to do with him. He sounds toxic. Yes the kids adore him, I adored my abusive loser father too because he was my father. But associating with people who want to kill his kids ? No. This shouldn’t even be a question.