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How to deal with the silent treatmenr?

Answered 5 months ago

My wife and I have been married for over 18 years. But as time has gone by, we have drifted apart to the point we've discussed several times the option of divorce. She has threatened me that if I ask for a divorce, I should be ready to leave the house and the kids. I used to be so in love with her, but she grew colder and colder. If not the only grudge she has against me, the number one is that I am obese. She has acknowledged that I am a good father and a good provider. But she can't get over the fact that I am overweight. She is, too btw. She has, in so many words, told me that I repulse her. She complains about the most trivial things. She is always angry. And at one point before our first child, she cheated on me but did not tell me until the children were 7yo. She's given me silent treatments before, and the longest was 3 or 4 days. But this last fight has put us at a week-old silent treatment. What was the fight about? During the pandemic, I stepped up at work and became almost irreplaceable She made a comment that it wasn't that my supervisors valued my work but that I was just their dumb worker that never says no. I knew that her respect for me as a husband had diminished, but now she was criticizing what had never been criticized in my life. All my employers have held me in the highest regard. To the point that I've many times been promoted and given more responsibility. But she saw that as a flaw. She saw me as a Yes Man. And when I defended my work ethic, she became defensive and said that it was the truth. She got up and stormed out. And she has been giving me the silent treatment for a week now. If I call a truce, she tells me it was good I came around and gets all high and mighty. If I don't call a truce, it just gives her more ammunition to continue the silent treatment. I feel that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.


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ANSWER
5 months ago
Is she through menopause, and perhaps needing hormone treatment ? The loss of estrogen in women can cause all sorts of problems, from packing on weight, bloating stomach, and going off sex, bad & short temper etc through to high cholesterol and a raft of other problems.
If this way that she is treating you has recently started, that may be the cause.
But I don't know how you could even broach this with her, in her current state. It might be worth a try.
If that doesn't help, apply the excellent advice from the others.
You do not have to put up with this, and in fact you shouldn't, as it will adversely affect your health.
Make sure you seek financial advice before you move out, so you know where you stand over rights and obligations.

ANSWER
5 months ago
I suggest you start reading/researching others who have been in a similar situation to yourself.
Try the websites:
Surviving Infidelity
Chump Lady
And the reddit forum for surviving infidelity
I think you will learn alot about yourself and something you probably already know deep down. That she is the problem - not you, and she feels entitled to treat you this way. She doesn't think you'll ever leave her. She is abusing you.
I hope you find the strength to leave this toxic woman who does not deserve the fruits of your labour or love. You can do much better. You seem like a genuinely good person who deserves the same back.

ANSWER
6 months ago
So... her issue is that you work hard to support your family, and that you could lose some weight? Oh me, oh my, good heavens Betsy fetch my medzin this is truly horrendous.
How do you DEAL with this silent treatment? You tell your closest family and friends that you're getting a divorce because your wife is a cheating nutcase. Then, you find a rental, sign a lease and move out whilst divorcing her ass. Wtf is she bringing to this relationship? She's not being faithful, she's not being supportive, she's not being loving.
Mate, there are AT LEAST 4 billion people on this planet, and a few more in space (international space stations n shit) and you think you have to stay with this loser?

You're obese? Guess what, weight can be lost.
You're a Yes Man? Great, you have job security. Which in this economy, is amazing.
You're only 2 steps away from being free from this woman. Keep going! You can do this!
Divorce her, get a custody agreement on paper, live your best life.
If you're insecure about your weight, a gym membership costs less than a cousellor appointment to deal with the seeds of self doubt your horrible wife is trying to plant.

Marriage is all about compromise, trust, and respect. Which of those can you demonstrate, and which of those can you see coming from her?

Replies

REPLY
6 months ago
Amazing advice πŸ™ŒπŸΌ

ANSWER
6 months ago
There are so many issues here I feel. Does she want the marriage to work? If so, she need to be open and honest without continuing to put you down and gaslight. The silent treatment is such an immature response. I’m guessing she won’t want to do that.

I am also wondering if she has mental health issues, like a personality disorder or even depression that need addressing ? If so, I’d say this is at the core of the issue.
If not, marriage counselling is what you need... if not for both of you but just for you to work out where to go from here.

ANSWER
6 months ago
Loud music and naked dancing