OP here. I'd like to start this comment by thanking you all for your advice and time.
Since I made this post, I had a good hard look at myself. A critical eye is sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves. A couple of you implied I should just suck it up. That's what I have been doing for the last few years. Alternating between begging him to change, and sucking it up because this is the way things are.
I've let him take the lead in how I allow myself to feel and that's neither fair nor helpful.
Others said I should take some ownership for my life choices. So thats what I'm doing now. I consented to this life. And I can force a change one way or another, just as much as he can.
Some said to study and seek fulfilment within myself independent from him. So I am. Whether that means that I'll eventually leave him, or our relationship improves will be evident over time. We are booking me into some courses next week when he returns home (he works DIDO). To be completed before spring. After which, I will be returning to the workforce in some capacity (even if that means scrubbing loos like one person said, a job is a job, and is a big part of feeling better about myelf and our situation).

I still love him immensely. I still, in my heart of hearts, know that I don't want this relationship to end. I will be taking the lead in bringing romance back into our daily lives, even if I'm the only one doing it. I will woo him. Because that's who I am. A lover. And loving him, makes me feel good about being me. And I'll be trying to find the romance in his actions and words. If he tells me he loves me, I'm going to take it that those words - however robotic they come across as - harbour many more affectionate terms, he may not feel comfortable expressing. When he calls me after a long hard day, I'm going to choose to see it as he desperately missed me and now wants to decompress with the woman he loves. It's a little sappy and sad sounding. But basically, in a situation where I could feel less than, I'm going to try and take it the opposite. And see the best. It's difficult to explain I think, and probably makes no sense. But it's my plan.
Thank you all for your time, and patience here.

You need to leave so that you both have another chance at love

Life is too short to live in emotional turmoil, if I were in your position I would take some time to get my ducks in a row - study something that can lead to a job when you leave him, set up a financial back up plan, squirrel a little money, prepare mentally to become a single mother, take advantage of your cushy life and make a proper plan first.

Tell him counseling is required in your marriage otherwise you're heading down the divorce road he might take that seriously. I'm sorry you find yourself in that situation. There's magic out there for you somewhere.

You need to take some ownership of your life choices. He’s not forcing you to stay home and be a housewife.

Do you want to be married or to be out? We need a decision before you go much further

You need to find happiness for yourself. As a stay at home wife it can be very easy to look to your husband to fufil your social needs, top up your self esteem and provide you with the acknowledgment we all crave for the efforts we make at work or home. I think you need to look for other things to make you happy, and not expect all your happiness to come from your husband and the relationship you share. Find a hobby, spend time with friends, maybe even study or find work outside the home. This will give you other things to focus on and less time to worry over the fact that your marriage has become a bit mundane. As you have said, he is a good man who says he loves you. I think you might be overthinking things and could come to regret a divorce down the track.... if he isn’t cheating, treats you well and says he loves you, what would your grounds for divorce be?

I don’t think this will necessarily lead to divorce but maybe a trial separation? I’ve been where you are. I went through years of neglect and rejection and was too scared to ask for a divorce. I ended up in an affair. Do not be me. Speak up!

If he read this, what would be the ideal outcome? What exactly do you want to happen?

You sound really lucky to have a man who doesn’t expect you to work. Are there other things you can do to give yourself more life satisfaction? We can’t expect our partners to provide everything for us.
Can you take up a hobby, sport or exercise- it might give you a new sense of purpose.
Men a simple creatures he probably likes his life with you and doesn’t see anything wrong. I’m sure he is comfortable and you provide him with security- what’s wrong with that in this crazy world? Look at it from his side he sees himself as the provider he does not get a choice. So he is making do the best he can. Good luck

Maybe work on making yourself happy first? Some online study, go to eork a couple of days a week? You'd be surprised how this can imptove your self worth and also your relationship

That's really sad. Ignore all those horrid comments from those, I want to say women? But I'm not sure they are.
I think you need to tell him exactly where you're headed. Tell him you're considering divorce. Maybe he needs the harsh truth? I am not saying this to rub it in but we're the same (just together a bit longer) and we're so in love. So I don't want you to settle feeling unloved, must be really isolating on you. You deserve happiness so don't take anything less. Good luck hun xx