This is a very touchy subject. You'll get varied replies. Some will be extremely mean and others will try to support with the facts behind in and some in between.
I'm a mum with 3 kids who have a dad that decides to stop paying while hes wooing the new girlfriend. It's happened often. My opinion though is that of a parent decides to keep the child away from the other parent they shouldn't receive a cent.
If, like me as a child of divorced parents choose not to see the other parent because of the awful step mother and dad not putting a stop to it then it still needs to be paid but only what child support states and nothing more.
Just my opinion.

OP I would never give up on my child. I'd always be in the background.
That's unconditional parental love.
It really is concerning that you and your husband don't understand it. Careful you and your kids don't end up on your husband's scrap heap too 🤔

You may vey well find yourself in the same position as the ex. Behave wisely.

Op
Hi thanks for the replies. I sat my husband down last night he has to deal with this. He agreed that a regular amount is the way to go, and is going to contact csa and get the ball rolling today. The reason this hasn't been done before is the amount of child support is very small, so they felt it easier to pay for agreed things, and things my husband can see benefit the child.

He finally wrote back to mums email and nicely said he has respected his sons wishes and stayed away, he doesn't want to be contacted again, and about paying support through csa.
He wished his son all the best in life, but he is no longer able to supplement his lifestyle.

Hopefully now we can move on.

I dunno but I asked my child's dad buy a new laptop for school the other day. Because I couldn't afford one and it was necessary for schooling, and he bought it because he's not a douche.

My husband has a child he hasn't been allowed to see since the child was a toddler. We struggled to pay the cs financially and emotionally, so my husband went to uni while I work. If you don't want a child to see their dad you can't expect him to pay for the kid.

How much money are we talking? What kind of sport?

He has to pay child support regardless of what you think or feel or your opinion, it's the law 🙄
If your husband doesn't pay what seems very bare minimum and reasonable, I hope the mother does collect proper payments and gives you something to really whine about.

Stay out of it. Firstly it’s not your business, it’s between him and his ex wife and he is OBLIGATED to pay for his son. Think yourself lucky he hasn’t had to pay regular ongoing child support and the ex wife seems like someone who is happy to do things on her own because not seeing a child at all increases child support by quite a bit and at the end of the year it would absolutely be more than him just paying for a few nominal activities and schooling.

I'm never surprised at anything on this page anymore. I knew when I saw this question that there would be a witch hunt response from some against the step mother or father.
I think responses about the child being a child is very naive. Some kids have the attitude that they deserve so much even if they decide to cut contact. I agree that the father should pay what CSA calculate but no more. Hes decided that this man is not dad, should have nothing to do with his life but still wants over and above to pay for a sport that is expensive. Yes, sport can be important for mental health and for fitness but racing is not just your usual sport. Thousands of dollars is ridiculous compared to $150 a season.
At 13 he shouldn't expect to put his hand out and receive from a man he has cut ties with.
This is part of what is wrong with this generation. We are raising some very selfish individuals that make their own rules.
I've been on both sides of this situation: a child who didn't want a relationship with my dad and as a a single parent who receives periodic payments from child support. I wouldn't ask anything from my dad (who I now have a good relationship with) but I also wouldn't approve of my children asking for an unreasonable amount from their father for a luxury sport like racing.
My opinion will rub some up the wrong way just like some of the responses on here rubbed me up the wrong way.

Your husband should want to pay more than the minimum required to support his own child, his having to pay some money toward a sport is pretty minimal so I'd say he got off lightly. Children are a life long responsibility, your husband is the adult in this situation so he was responsible for maintaining an emotional relationship with his son and he failed in that, that he is now trying to get out of the bare, bare minimum is pretty reprehensible in my opinion.

And regardless of the language you and your husband chose to use, his son IS part of his family which means a life long and ongoing emotional and financial responsibility.

You husband is ONLY legally obligated to pay the amount child support works out based on their calculations. Any sport, holiday, clothing will need to be on the mother. Too many mums cheat the system as your partners mum seems to be by not going through csa for assessments. Your partner needs an assessment then needs to work out if he has been wrongly overpaying.

If it was me I would’ve gone to court for visitation rights from the beginning. When I hear people say the other person made things difficult to see the child it’s like... did u try though?

Reading back the question I really didn't word it well. Its not about supporting the child, he will but not in the same way. Husband is upset, his son said I don't want to be part of your life, but then receives an email from mum wanting a huge amount of money to play a very expensive sport, amongst other things. He feels like its a slap in the face. I don't know how to advise and support him. He is dithering over how to reply, and I'm worried because he needs to let mum know now so she can decide if she can pay for it on her own. He wants his son to understand he can't ask for $300 shoes from a person you refuse to see.

I have two step children, their mum doesent work, never has, probably never will. When they were younger we bought good quality shoes, school uniform and paid for school fees, excursions and things like that. We don't now they are older, and its because they will do anything to get out of seeing us. There are no issues, they just have better things to do. We pay the legally required child support and thats it. If we get a call saying we need to pay half of a school camp, we suggest they see if they can just go for half the camp.

I wouldn’t pay for extra sports for a child that disrespected even if they lived with me.
I wouldn’t pay for extra sports if money was tight, they are a luxury.
I definitely wouldn’t pay for extra luxuries for a child that didn’t want anything to do with me.

He needs to get on the Centrelink estimator and get an estimate of the child support he is expected to pay and call child support and have it set up as a csa collection. Even though that money should go towards the son, the mother can do whatever she wants with that money as long as she’s not neglecting the child.
He then needs to reply to the mother ASAP letting her know so she can decide if she will pay the extra, there’s always the chance that the son doesn’t even know dad chips in towards the extra stuff.
At 13 he’s almost old enough to get a job, maybe he should do that if he wants expensive things (not meaning the sports, someone mentioned $300 shoes)
At 13 you can decide who you want in your live. I tell my kids , you are always allowed to leave a situation, regardless of what it is and where you are, sometimes the other people won’t like it and that’s their choice how they react. Relationships, work, family, parties

She is asking for very little from him. Your husband made choices that created the child not wanting to see him. He made choices that have lead to having a distant relationship. The least he could do is some financial support here and there. Ignoring legal responsibilities, he has a moral obligation to at least give some form of care to the life he chose to create.

The point of child support is exactly that, not to spite the other parent. Its such a shame when people abuse the system. It's about the children. That's it!!!

Actually your hubby needs to go through child support. Thwy will do it based on her income and his. Base ratw. He doesnt need to pay anything more. In fact alot of men dont and don have to. Thats the bottom line legally. As long as he pays what child support stipulate that is all he needs to do. If the kids refuses contact then he should just pay what he is required based on child support assessment.

My brother found out he has a 10 year old daughter

Yes. Just because he doesn't see him it's still his child and he should pay. If you don't want to pay for certain things then set up a proper payment plan, weekly etc.

....Your replies though 😈 tried to paint yourself rosy and have definitely shown you are actually an evil stepmother, gonna shoot in the dark and say you are probably the main issue between this poor kid and his dad to begin with. Yikes.