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Photos of our day out (nearly blended).

Answered 1 year ago

Partner & I have been together 18 months. We introduced our kids to eachother a year ago. The kids have also been getting to know eachother for about 9 months. All is going great & we have plans to move in together early next year & marry near the end of next year.
I posted, for the first time, pictures of a day out we all had together last weekend with my partners and the kids permission (they are older).
His ex wife messaged and demanded I take them down because I am 'nothing' to the kids and I didn't have permission.
I can understand to some degree because I have been in her position but it was with my ex's new girlfriend of 2 weeks and my ex is a serial professional 'relationship' jumper.
I would like to have a basic relationship with her because I will be helping to raise my partners children but from her past behavior I'm not sure this will ever be possible from her end anyway.
I want to respect her demand but I also don't want to open up the opportunity for other demands.


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ANSWER
1 year ago
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ANSWER
1 year ago
We use Facebook like millions of other people. It's our choice of platform.
I took the photos down and my partner reposted some on his account. He also got told to take them down because I am in them and I'm 'nothing' to the kids. Her words, not mine.
So in the end my asking was pointless anyway.

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REPLY
1 year ago
So she is actually just a c word. Lol to all the people that just said she was protecting her children, nope that's not it - just regular bitter! Tell him not to take them down.

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1 year ago
Still sounds like it could be solved if you just adjusted your Facebook settings. Or make a private group and add the family/ friends you want to see them, and just post to the group. You still get to use Facebook as your method of sharing, and you don't have to listen to her complain.

REPLY
1 year ago
I wouldn't take any shit from that woman

ANSWER
1 year ago
So the ex says jump and everyone else asks 'how high?' . I don't think so

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REPLY
1 year ago
It feels that way.

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1 year ago
No the ex says, I want drama and will involve the kids.
The responsible person acts out “I won’t engage in petty drama or pick insignificant battles that hurt the kids”

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1 year ago
It’s about protecting the kids not fucking ego. That’s what so many people forget in seperation it’s all about “what the other person isn’t allowed to do” Not “how can I minimise the hurt and shelter the kids from conflict as best I can from my side with reactions and actions that I am in control of.” Which is sad. Cos then they end up with two shitty adults in the situation and both thinks they have rights to do things that hurt the kids cos their ego.
It’s bullshit.

Can her actions stop the kids being involved in the conflict? Yes.

That’s the answer. Not what SHE should or shouldn’t be allowed to do.

How can SHE protect the kids using what ever is in HER power.

ANSWER
1 year ago
You should take them down. They're not adults yet. Until they are, she does have a say.

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REPLY
1 year ago
OP is not breaking any laws

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1 year ago
^okay how about a dose of good old fashioned morals, ethics and respect then???
Sheesh.

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1 year ago
She's not doing anything wrong. The father and the kids have said it's ok and to leave them there. Majority rules

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1 year ago
The mother is just bitter

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1 year ago
Look, I can totally see your point. And I would have no hesitation and wouldn't have needed to post here if she was a reasonable person. But unfortunately she continuously tries to control everything. And will often tell my partner he can't do certain things just because she doesn't like it. We've been to the lawyer about emails and texts content and we're told she cant dictate whether or not I and my children sleep over on weekends, or if my partner asks me to drop them to friends or pick up from school. Shes said until we're married then I have no right. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
So I understand your points on respect and morals and in this case I will refrain from posting and my partner will have to but I believe this won't end when we're married either.

REPLY
1 year ago
They are children and not yours, so I'd be careful posting pics of them anyway

ANSWER
1 year ago
Tell her to piss off. I'm sorry but you owe her nothing

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REPLY
1 year ago
Aand this is how kids get fucked up in divorces

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1 year ago
It's their mothers fault

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1 year ago
OP here. The ex wife says and does way more than I've written here. I'm hoping with time it'll settle.

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1 year ago
^ I'm on your side OP. I've been in this situation and it turned out the ex was all bark and no bite. She was bitter because the kids father left after 10 years of a very tumultuous marriage ((yes I know this for a fact) my step children and I have always gotten along and they were ok with my posting pics because we were now family. She does not have a legal leg to stand on and unless there is a valid reason to do as she demands (your words) then go ahead and do whatever you bloody well want.

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1 year ago
Blaming the mother isn't helping anyone though. Mum got her issues, new partner gonna have to deal with it or cut and run

ANSWER
1 year ago
Let him post pics with his kids in and tag you.

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REPLY
1 year ago
Better solution

ANSWER
1 year ago
It’s the sort of situation where do you want to be right or happy?
Yes you should be able to post it but if you want a cordial relationship with her then why do/continue to do something that’s counter productive to that.
So it’s your choice, you can be happy or cause your partner and his kids more grief cos then there’s two immature women in the situation.
It’s not that big a deal to not post photos of them if it means avoiding a conflict.
Conflit-not posting a photo.
It doesn’t really even seem to be a choice to me. Is this how important posting photos is? That it’s a hard choice between that and conflict for not just ourselves but others we love?
It’s a no brainer.

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REPLY
1 year ago
Can I just add though that my partners children were upset that when I post on fb and I have deliberately left photos of them off that they get upset.

REPLY
1 year ago
Get out now
The kids are being groomed by mum

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1 year ago
Can’t you just not post photos then?
Is your need that great that you’d rather a whole bunch of people around you get offended one way or the other.

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1 year ago
But I should be able to post photos of my children. My family and closest friends live a plane ride away and fb is an easy way to share with them. So if what you're saying is that yo appease her and not upset my future step children is not to post any photos and updates on my children just seems like the ex is controlling more than she should. My step children, I love them, they are also becoming my family.

REPLY
1 year ago
Ok so your after validation not opinions.

Good luck with all the conflict in your life. Sounds like your gonna need it

REPLY
1 year ago
I was replying to this comment

Can’t you just not post photos then? Is your need that great that you’d rather a whole bunch of people around you get offended one way or the other. 

I not after validation. I wanted a discussion to see all points. My understanding of what was written is is that I should stop posting photos because one parent said no even though the other parent and children said yes. And that if I stop posting photos to appease the ex then I'll upset the partner and children. And if I just stop posting all photos then I'll upset my friends and family who want to share in my life with my children.
Did I misunderstand?

REPLY
1 year ago
Absolutly. Expecially cos I never said half of that.

I said do you want conflict?

You can choose conflict or peace.
Two people are needed for an argument.
Two people are needed for conflict.
And two people are needed for drama.

She may be the insitager but if you choose to engage then it’s ok you:

There may be mucdeeper issues. But from everything you have written the answer to this conflict is plain as day.
Don’t post the photos.

If your family want to see photos create a private message group and post them there.

But if you are happy to have conflict and want to be right then just keep posting photos.
Your step kids then have to deal with you fuelling drama ontop of what sounds like a mum who starts drama.

Give them one adult in their life who acts like an adult.

REPLY
1 year ago
I have to agree here. Your photos can be emailed, facebook is all about broadcasting and if it was really important you’d just skip it because it is really important and you can compromise here.

REPLY
1 year ago
Just don't post.
Easy.

ANSWER
1 year ago
You can start Facebook groups that are private and post pictures there.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I don’t understand why Facebook is necessary for you to be able to share photos with your family. Surely you could email the photo directly to the people you want to share it with. A mass email to your own family is not that difficult if it saves an unnecessary argument over a silly social media post.
Both my husband and I don’t share any photos of our kids on fb at all, and we have family spread out everywhere. I don’t get the necessity of posting everything to Facebook.
She doesn’t want you posting photos of her kids on Facebook then don’t post photos of her kids on Facebook. You want to share photos with your family, then share the photos with your family, just not through Facebook. What’s the problem?

ANSWER
1 year ago
How old are his children?

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1 year ago
They are 14. They also have their own fb and posted their own pictures of the day out. She made them take them down too apparently (didn't tell me bit told their dad).

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1 year ago
Can you explain to them that their mum has asked you to take it down. Another few yrs and she won’t get a say

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1 year ago
Once you are married I would post away say to her we are a family now

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1 year ago
Perhapse the dad needs to take this to the courts if she is abusing them emotionally or mentally over facebook photos. That is not okay.

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1 year ago
how on earth do you get the above conclusion ?

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1 year ago
Mum making them take pic down from their own account is controlling and unhealthy. Its their account and she cant control them like that

ANSWER
1 year ago
Sorry, but at the end of the day they are her children and not yours. Anything to do with them goes through your current partner and her first.

As many others have said to avoid conflict just don't post the pictures. People still have phone numbers these days, send your family the photos that way. Facebook is not essential to connect with people. It is merely a bragging vessel for most.

Looks to me you've painted a pretty picture and want validation about this, but if you are a truly mature adult you'll respect her wishes.

ANSWER
1 year ago
You sound like a really nice person OP and I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness. Yes. Bide your time..... for now. Once you're married, let loose and photo bomb the shit out of social media with pics of you, your husband and all your children 💜💜

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REPLY
1 year ago
Thank you ❤

ANSWER
1 year ago
I'd tell the ex to pull her fucken head in. You had the permission of everyone in the picture so what's the problem? The ex is still trying to retain whatever little control she has left. If you bow down to her now, its game over. Congrats on everything else. I hope it goes well ❤

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REPLY
1 year ago
Thank you. It is crazy but fun!

ANSWER
1 year ago
How did she know you'd posted photos? You and your partner should have your settings so she can't see what you post.

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REPLY
1 year ago
We have mutual friends

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1 year ago
So are the mutual friends showing her or what? Surely you can ask them not to, and if they don't comply they aren't very good friends.

REPLY
1 year ago
I think there are some foxes in hen house. Time to clean house.

REPLY
1 year ago
Lol

ANSWER
1 year ago
If you want a relationship with her, take down the pictures and don’t post pics of them again. The only one who should be posting pics of your partners kids are your partner.

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REPLY
1 year ago
I hear your point but we're going to be a family. Which all the kids are happy about! The ex and the ex wife have been separated and divorced for nearly 4 years. I have posted pics of days out before but without partners children in because I was giving it time but surely a time can come when I can. I'm happy and open to keep hearing the responses.

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1 year ago
Perhaps you need to pick your battles. Is it really necessary post pics of your days out with your partner’s kids? You said you want something of a relationship with her. Photos on Facebook.... I’d let her win this particular battle.

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1 year ago
While you are right, its probably just her marking her territory, but you are playing with fire. While you don't want to lose the pissing contest its not you who will suffer if she looses. Its not fair on your partner and kids having to live with what ever consequences she decides to dish out. If you love your partner and want your relationship to last don't cause shit just because you can.

REPLY
1 year ago
Fair points made. My partner doesn't want me to take the photos down. I asked him and he said no. I will if I think it's the right thing to do though.
I believe its because he's so tired of her trying to dictate everything that happens with the kids. From bedtimes, to dinners, to screentime, to after school activities. Literally everything.
But I'm a coparenting mum too so I always try to understand.

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1 year ago
He's the kids parent and he says its ok so there you go :)

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1 year ago
^even still, Id let him post the pics. The ex has asked that op not post the kids pics, not their father. And ex would look ridiculous if she said he wasn’t allowed to post pics of his own kids, and his long term partner was not allowed to be in any photos with them. . Seems like a fair compromise to me.

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1 year ago
It sounds more like she had a bitch fit over it instead of asking respectfully

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1 year ago
Someone else here. Yes get him to post them. She can't say jack squat about that. Next time post them on yours too but pixelate their faces & put your not authorized to show these faces on Facebook. If people ask why tell them.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I don't know why anyone is so casual about posting any pictures of their children on the internet, there are sooo many creeps out there. I rarely do and if I do I put it on my Instagram account which is private and has limited friends on there. Not hundreds literally 10. My life is not for public consumption I don't understand the need for it. Also the ex wife would not be invited, she can stay in her lane.

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REPLY
1 year ago
What’s the difference between FB and IG If you keep both accounts private?

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1 year ago
Most people on facey have 50+ friends because they've been on there for really long time. Instagram is not as old and most people haven't caught on yet (at least in my social circle) or just can't be bothered. It is alot easier to keep the numbers limited without offending anyone. Or if you really want to use Facebook set up a secondary secret account for the vips.

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1 year ago
Facebook uses faciial recognition so for that reason alone my kids can decide for themselves when they are 13 or older if they want to be recognised.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Make your social media private 🙃 sounds like a shut excuse for an argument from both of you.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I understand her point, would feel the same if someone put pics of my kids up on facebook with out permission however, that said if you have been in a long term relationship and have the kids permission there is nothing she can do. Infact you should block her from your facebook account as there is no need for her to be on your page. You can be civil wth boundaries and sorry but I think favebook should be a no as it will create tension. If they are over 13 she doesnt get a say so long as they gave permission. Under 13 needs parents permission on facebook.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I post pics of my stepkids all the time. Their mum and I get along so I know from her own mouth that it's all good 👍

ANSWER
1 year ago
Its great to be part of a blended family, but you don't need to post photos. If it upsets their mum and is likely to cause problems this is not the battle to pick.