It sounds like you have some very important decisions to make

This is sad and perhaps trying some counselling may be helpful? Myself, I believe that a husband or partner that connects with another male or female via internet or by whatever circumstance is breaking their marriage vows. They may not be sleeping with them, but the same intent is there. I believe in forgiveness but this is not his first indiscretion, and I feel that he will just continue on this path secure in the knowledge that you have forgiven him once and will do it again. I can never understand why a man who has "rump steak" waiting at home would bother to settle for "minced beef"? Be good to yourself, hold yourself together in high esteem, you don't need a spouse to complete your life, they are there to complement your marriage and life together. I hope things become clearer for you and perhaps a good counsel can help you navigate to find the right course of action for your future.

So he posing as a woman in a gay relationship with another woman online?

Sorry but I would break up. You both want different things out of life now that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

you have every right to feel what you're feeling. Please don't keep it in xx

I think you'll both benefit from counselling. The person transitioning needs support but so does the other person. It can be likened to the death of a partner 💜