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Husband and I disagree on parenting
Answered 5 years ago
Asking a question / looking for advice. My husband and I have different ideas on how our children should be raised and different rules to follow. It’s getting between us so much lately that it feels like we’re constantly arguing with each other. Does this happen in other people’s house holds or just mine ?
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ANSWER
5 years ago
This sounds really judgey but didn't you discuss this before you got married? We had to do a marriage preparation course and this was one of the topics.
Can you give us and example of the kind of things you're disagreeing over?
In our house we tend to agree on most things, but when we don't, we are usually able to compromise.
Can you give us and example of the kind of things you're disagreeing over?
In our house we tend to agree on most things, but when we don't, we are usually able to compromise.
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REPLY
5 years ago
You don't have to be married to have children!
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5 years ago
Read the TITLE of the question!
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5 years ago
Who does marriage preparation courses?
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5 years ago
Our Rabbi did ours. But I believe the catholic church also does them. The mormons too I think.
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5 years ago
I’m catholic ( non practicing... ie..my mum forced me to go to church but as soon as I moved out I stopped going to church ) and married a person of no religion so we had to do a two day course before the priest would allow us to be married in a Catholic Church. I wish I’d said fuck you, but I stupidly did it to make my mother happy.
ANSWER
5 years ago
Mine now yells and screams at me for being a shitty parent, because I told him he had to stop yelling and swearing at the kids. He's so negative and his swearing and name calling does not change the situation, only puts people down! He's just a giant bully lately
ANSWER
5 years ago
Oh I could have written this myself.
To the person that thinks you discuss this stuff before marriage; what a load of shit. You may discuss certain things you would like but nothing is set in stone and you have no idea what will come your way until you have kids. I thought my hubby would be the best father in the world, turns out we both have such different parenting ideas we clash so much and just spend the time arguing with one another over what we both think and it’s so toxic. I feel like if we can survive the next 10 years then we’ll be fine for life.
Counselling is an option though definitely explore these ideas to try and save your marriage! Goodluck
To the person that thinks you discuss this stuff before marriage; what a load of shit. You may discuss certain things you would like but nothing is set in stone and you have no idea what will come your way until you have kids. I thought my hubby would be the best father in the world, turns out we both have such different parenting ideas we clash so much and just spend the time arguing with one another over what we both think and it’s so toxic. I feel like if we can survive the next 10 years then we’ll be fine for life.
Counselling is an option though definitely explore these ideas to try and save your marriage! Goodluck
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REPLY
5 years ago
I wrote about discussing it before marriage. In our course (it was run by the church) we had to go into very detailed discussions about how we were raised, what type of relationship we had with our parents and siblings, and what type of relationship we wanted to have with our kids. It went through loads of unexpected things like what kind of holidays did you take as a child, on a scale of 1-6 how close knit are your family then vs now, etc.
Going by your comment I'm guessing not every church does this, or celebrant.
That's too bad, it was really eye opening for some people. For us it wasn't, because we were raised basically the same style. But there were couples there on opposite ends of everything.
Going by your comment I'm guessing not every church does this, or celebrant.
That's too bad, it was really eye opening for some people. For us it wasn't, because we were raised basically the same style. But there were couples there on opposite ends of everything.
REPLY
5 years ago
My husband and I are only now starting to face parenting polars as our youngest child has hit her teen years.
We were raised with very similar morals with parents that have similar personalities but one thing that has become glaringly obvious now is our how we were raised differently from a financial aspect, I was admittedly very spoiled and my husband in my opinion was needlessly financially restricted.
This snuck up on us because our families have relatively the same wealth.
I got whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and he absolutely oppositely had to earn even basic necessities like deodorant and socks, we agree that we don't want to parent our teenager to either of the extremes we were raised with, however we are now definitely having difficulty finding a middle ground, we've locked horns over it several times.
You can go to church and hash it out all you like but the truth is until you're done with parenting you can't be sure you'll forever be on the exact same page.
We were raised with very similar morals with parents that have similar personalities but one thing that has become glaringly obvious now is our how we were raised differently from a financial aspect, I was admittedly very spoiled and my husband in my opinion was needlessly financially restricted.
This snuck up on us because our families have relatively the same wealth.
I got whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and he absolutely oppositely had to earn even basic necessities like deodorant and socks, we agree that we don't want to parent our teenager to either of the extremes we were raised with, however we are now definitely having difficulty finding a middle ground, we've locked horns over it several times.
You can go to church and hash it out all you like but the truth is until you're done with parenting you can't be sure you'll forever be on the exact same page.
REPLY
5 years ago
We come from different religions so no this was not done for us, nor by a celebrant. I don’t think celebrants really care for the outcome of any marriage, just to make their $. Anyway.
I agree with the op, we were raised entirely different and these things do not show through talking or planning just by living through the experience of what comes up as it happens. We have a child with a minor disability and we never even saw it coming. It’s been a shock and it’s lead to far different parenting than we could have ever talked or planned for.
Op I wish you all the best and hope you can keep communication open and do your absolute best to negotiate and not fight over everything. I think once you get through the teen years you’ll be fine.
I agree with the op, we were raised entirely different and these things do not show through talking or planning just by living through the experience of what comes up as it happens. We have a child with a minor disability and we never even saw it coming. It’s been a shock and it’s lead to far different parenting than we could have ever talked or planned for.
Op I wish you all the best and hope you can keep communication open and do your absolute best to negotiate and not fight over everything. I think once you get through the teen years you’ll be fine.
ANSWER
5 years ago
You could write a list of non negotiable rules you want for the children. Then explain why, usually it’s because you we’re raised that way, or you werent raised that way and want it fir your child. Knowing the why will help you reach a compromise. Also see a counsellor it can help
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REPLY
5 years ago
‘Were’ raised not ‘we’re’ raised
ANSWER
5 years ago
Nah I pretty much rule the roost. It really depends on what you're disagreeing over. If it's not so important then you may have to pick your battles. Being a parent is hard enough, let alone being one on a different page to the other parent. Good luck x