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Family holidays with in laws

How do you work your in laws for holidays? My in laws are always welcome to visit our house for a holiday but I hate visiting them (we live interstate). At their place, there are too many rules. We are all grown ups (except our children obviously). I hate having to justify everything I do and I don't find it a relaxing holiday. My husband does not care what we do for holidays. Our recent visit was the last straw for me. I guess my question is, how do you do it? How do you suck it up and visit when you aren't treated as an adult and need to justify every single thing (one example, why do you need to go the shops? Don't we have enough for you.) I want to be kind and visit but I'm really struggling. We are just very VERY different people.
Thanks.

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Answers (8)

Rather than staying at their house is there somewhere close by you can holiday and still be able to spend the days or a few dinners with them?

 I agree, stay somewhere else and get them to join you on a few activities, go to their house a couple of times and do pretty much your own thing. Be prepared for some arguments but be firm and just you need your own space. Trust me, its better for everyone. Also you can spend a week with the in laws and then go somewhere else for the rest of the time
helpful (1) 
 Our last holiday over Christmas was exactly the same as OP and this was the decision we came too also.
helpful (1) 

Nothing worse than having to use annual leave for a holiday you don't enjoy.

 Yep
helpful (1) 

I agree, just stay near them rather than with them, If they get have a problem with it stop going or make it a very short visit. I have friends who's in laws sound similar and they just refuse to stay with them now. The in laws get upset if they want to go out for coffee or get the kids ice cream as they have that at home why go out and buy it. My mum likes to have every one visit her so she can control everything. If I bring a banana for my toddler I get a lecture "he can eat what he is given" type thing, because toddlers always eat what they are given.

I hate staying there too sounds like the same reasons I can't seem to get out of there for a walk or shops or anything without a millions questions and basically never alone mil comes with to show me where to go ugh the whole point is to escape for a hr. It's so boring my bum literally gets sore sitting around all day and night. They also refuse to put away their breakables they think the kids should just learn not to touch or move anything so it's very stressful constantly watching the toddlers.

don't go at all, stand your ground. You are a adult, act like one. If you don't like them, just don't go. your husband can go, and you stay at home. He will come back to a happy, relaxed wife.

 I don't think it sounds very adult like at all to send your husband along by himself because you're not mature enough deal with it amicably.
"I don't like you so much I'm not even going to bother visiting you". That's not going to make Christmas dinners awkward for her husband at all.

helpful (1) 

Our in-laws just moved overseas and are wanting us to go visit. Since it's going to be so expensive my husband wants to make it worthwhile and go for 2-3 weeks. Both of us can REALLY only take the in-laws in small doses - like a few hours at a time at best lol - so we've just decided to book accommodation nearby. MIL is obviously a little offended that we won't be staying with them and is trying to convince us to but we just keep standing our ground and saying that we'd like to do a bit of sight seeing some days while we are there and we don't want to impose (hint hint nudge nudge - don't do it to us either when you come to visit 😜).
While they're are a little offended they will get over it and the repercussions are much less than that from the tension at the end of a week of being under the same roof as them.
Oh god, I shudder just thinking about it!

I choose a holiday destination a few hours drive away and then we visit one day of our trip. Or if a little further out, meet for an afternoon somewhere in the middle.