View other questions

Is it normal for the mother of my step son to buy my husband a father's day gift and put my child's name on it?

Answered 2 months ago

I'm new here, so excuse me if I don't know the lingo...
This is also a multi-pronged issue, so any advice is welcomed!

My husband and I have a 3 year old daughter together, and he's also given me a bonus kid, a super sweet 6 year old son. Things between my husband and his ex are... well... secretly strained. Everyone is in it for the kids, so we all (me, husband, his ex, and her husband) try to get the kids together at times and never fight in front of them. However, when my step son (We'll call him T) was 3 and his mom (A) started dating her now-husband (M), she started having T call M "dada." If it's natural, that's fine, right? But she /made/ T call M dada. However, once T called me "mama" and she threw a fit and told T that I could not love him and he could not love me because I am not his family.

When it comes to my own daughter (Z), A & M are wishy washy. Sometimes they'll let her play with their own 2.5 year old daughter, and other times they do everything they can to separate her. My husband and include all the kids when we go to birthday parties and are just hanging out, but oftentimes my daughter Z is excluded by A & M's control of their own kids.

When it comes to birthdays, father's day, mother's day, etc. things are pretty separate, as A & M would like them to be. Most recently, on father's day, A sent T over with presents to my husband that she had written "From T & Z" on. Mind you, Z is my daughter. This really made me uncomfortable because Z is not her daughter, and also, A keeps Z separated from most family things anyways. It was also a total surprise to me; A hadn't called, texted, or asked at all if Z wanted to give a joint gift with T. It struck my husband the wrong way too, especially when he opened it and it was a sappy keychain with both of their names engraved. I feel this is extremely over stepping and it really pissed me off. I'm willing to let it slide for the good of the kids, but I do not feel comfortable with this happening again.


Have an answer?

We have held the answer in moderation, and will make it available shortly.
2000 characters left.

Answers

An unexpected error has occurred, please try again shortly.
ANSWER
2 months ago
Aww, that's lovely. No, it's not normal, but it should be

ANSWER
3 months ago
Start adding T to your child's presents? Maybe it will stop

Replies

REPLY
3 months ago
Why create trouble? The only ones getting hurt would be the kids.

REPLY
2 months ago
I agree with this. As adults, we need to put our qualms and issues aside and prioritize our children’s well-being. There is no space for immaturity.

ANSWER
3 months ago
Over stepping the boundaries. Time to create some boundaries as she obviously doesn't extend the same respect that you and your hubby show her.

Keep things seperate from now on.

Replies

REPLY
3 months ago
It does sound like your lives are quite intertwined, I would be getting some distance.

REPLY
3 months ago
No, don’t keep things separate. That’s not fair on the kids at all.

ANSWER
3 months ago
I think it’s nice they put her name on it. You’re not happy when they separate your kid yet you’re not happy with this either. Maybe it’s their first small step to bring all inclusive.

ANSWER
3 months ago
Since your step son is 7 he probably asked for his little sisters name to be on the gift, in one breath here you're cursing them for excluding your daughter but when they include her you're uncomfy?

ANSWER
3 months ago
I don’t see a problem here. Maybe she was just trying to be nice and thoughtful? Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, and try not to sweat the small stuff so much.

ANSWER
3 months ago
She isn't making your life hell. Leave her alone. After all, the child could be asking his mother to help and Do this for him. Grow up