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Ex husbands new girlfriend and my kids

I'm not particularly thrilled with the new gf. She believes everything my ex tells her about me and other things have happened. But my kids seem to like her and apparently she's nice to them.
I don't want to even be in the same room as her but my ex has said that she will attend every event my children are involved in. So it's something I can't avoid now.
Can people please give me some positive stories, advice etc on how I can get through this without looking like I'm sucking a lemon and ruining my children's events.


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Answers (13)

So here's my theory I applied when I met my ex's girlfriend. I don't know what she thinks of me or what he's told her, but I know what a manipulative, narcissistic asshole he is so I can only imagine.
I decided to be myself and just act the way I would arround anyone else in a social situation. She is her own person who can make her own decisions but if I'm kind to her and try to involve her in my kids lives, then eventually all that nasty shit he's said to make himself look good will come out and she will make her own decisions. When I met my partner's ex wife I made my own judgements based on my own experiences with her despite what everyone else had to say.

 Great words
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OP Thank you. I appreciate your story.
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She is good to your kids that is all that matters. Of course she will believe him she is in a relationship with him not you. Learn to move on, get some friends go out enjoy the time the kids are not with you, make plans for your future.

Think of her this way - she'll fall victim to him too. Just sit back and wait for it. In the mean time, if she's nice to your kids, they have an ally and if the time comes, you'll have another person to call him on his bullshit

How do you know she believes things your ex tells her though? I had a partner that constantly berated his ex and trust me, even though I played the part of listening it doesn't mean I didn't realise most of what he said was one sided, swayed to make her look worse and only half true. Throw all of that out the window and just be polite and civil, if she is kind to your children and treats you respectfully then that's all that matters.

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It doesn't matter what she thinks of you, as long as she is nice to your kids. My ex husband remarried and his wife is nice enough but a bit annoying. I sometimes forget to tell my ex about school things 😛 I just make sure he knows about the end of year concert, I get there early and don't save him a seat. I don't have to have them at parent teacher interviews or sports days. Weekend sport I don't go to on dad's weekends, they don't usually come when it's my weekend, if they do I always say hi then go and sit with my friends. I just keep it friendly and polite but a bit of a distance.
Before dad remarried he would come over to celebrate kids birthdays but now as his wife has to come too I don't invite them.

My exes partner rang me when they had only just started seeing each other, begging me to stop causing trouble for my ex so he can stop being frustrated and angry all the time. She has realised 5 years later that it wasn't me or anyone else causing trouble for him to act like that, thats just how he is. Takes his anger out on those close to him and then blames his anger on someone else. A leapord doesn't change it's spots, and she will one day realise that all of what he's said to her is a load of shit. Don't avoid her or act differently, just do what you do and she will see things for herself.

OP Thank you. I appreciate you insight
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Events have large venues. Be on the opposite side. Smile. Don’t bother becoming friends with her until you know she’s here to stay

Do not make friends with her..! Try to be polite and amicable for the kids sake, don’t say bad things about her to the kids.
My partners ex was a rude bitch to me and straight up told me that I didn’t matter and to stay out of her way. So when my ex got a new gf I thought I’m gonna be a super nice ex and I’m gonna be friends. It backfired, yes she was nice to my daughter and sometimes she would back me on issues. But when it came down to it she only had her self in mind. I found out my ex had been working cash jobs and they had been keeping it from me so they could live it up. Do what’s in the best interest of your children that’s it..!

OP Thank you. I have no intention of trying to be friends and do try to put my kids first (I'd say I'm good 99% of the time. The occasional cry if I'm really hurt by something said).
I want what's best for my children and that's why the question is framed as 'what can I do' and not blaming them.
Thanks again.

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of Course she believes what your ex is saying about you. Does she know you? No. Does she at the very least think she knows your ex? Yes. She is kind to your children. Unless you want a friendship with this woman, that is all you should care about. Go to the school events and focus on your kids, not her. And, as already said..... relationship is long term over time she will get to know you and rom her own opinion. Give her a chance. What has she done wrong here exactly?

You don't have to like her just be nice to her she will form her own opinion.

Get to know her, you dont have to be friends with her. Of course she will believe him when he says stuff- she probably wouldnt be with him if she didnt like and trust him. But if you get to know her, she will form her own opinion of you.