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Needing some advice on a weird situation

Answered 2 years ago

I've been single for a while now and the last month or so I've been talking with this guy who is a great bloke and all, we get along really well and it's always a good time but the thing is, we have barely anything in common. We've "done the deed" once but it was half assed as he was nervous and couldn't exactly perform - so the speak.
Ok, that's part one.
I've since been talking to a mate of his who I really like and have a lot more in common with - haven't done the nasty with this one - he's caring and happy and easy to be around. But, they see each other everyday. Awks.
Question - How the f do I handle this situation?
Slut shaming can't be a thing cause I've barely had sex for months, haha
Thanks in advance


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Tell the first guy it's been great getting to know him but you're not interested in a relationship with him and you're not interested in sleeping together anymore, but you're happy to be friends if he's interested (*ONLY* if you're actually interested in being friends, you may need to take a break from talking with him if it gets weird or if he acts like he's trying to get into your pants again - if he isn't taking No for an answer then that tells you what you need to know about him).

Tell the second guy that you'd like to get to know him more; or, well, get to know him more. Keep talking, getting to know him, whatever it is you're already doing. Do things you've got in common, hobbies and whatnot. You don't need to make anything official or monogamous if you're not ready for that, but once you are ready make sure you have a discussion about it so you're both clear on what you want and where your boundaries are.

If it gets weird between the friends that's for them to deal with. You're a human being, Bloke 1 doesn't own you or get dibs on dating you just because he met you first.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Exactly, perfect advice. No one owns you, and so what if you start dating the friend. Stuff happens, life has a funny way of deciding things for you.

REPLY
2 years ago
OP here. thank you for the good advice. I've spoken to number 2 (sounds so bad but to save face, we will use numbers, not names) and told him what went down with number 1. He was surprisingly really good about it and even thanked me for being honest about it and not trying to hide it. I could see it took him back a bit but he didn't leave. He actually stayed for a few hours, couple beers later i took him to bed. Oops.

REPLY
2 years ago
Original answerer here. Sounds like it went well, good for you. If you feel ready to have sex with the guy then don't apologise for it here. Your body, your choice; you're both adults (I assume), so only you two get to decide when having sex is right for you. If you're happy with your decision to have sex then go for it, if you're unsure about it today then next time you catch up stay sober so you've got a clearer mind (although it can be hard to ignore what your crotch is saying sometimes, regardless of the booze, haha). Best of luck going forward :)

REPLY
2 years ago
You are awesome. Totally agree about the crotch situation. Fuck! Haha. And yes, both very much consenting adults x

ANSWER
2 years ago
I would talk to the guy you like and just explain the situation. If he is cool with it then tell the other guy you aren’t feeling it anymore. If the guy you like doesn’t like it then I’d just get rid of both of them!

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REPLY
2 years ago
I took this advice. I worked out the way I wanted it to, thankfully.
Thanks for the great advice x

ANSWER
2 years ago
Does the guy you had sex with consider you his girlfriend? I think you need to establish what is going on in that 'relationship' first 😊

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REPLY
2 years ago
No, thankfully. I've been very clear about boundaries and distance and keeping things very casual.