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We have two boys from a previous marriage and my wife says "kids are priority here" I disagree i feel we should be prior

Answered 1 year ago

We have two boys from a previous marriage and my wife says "kids are priority here" I disagree i feel we should be priority first but she changes so much for her son when he is around, he is her world and it shows and he knows it. When its just just me her and my son she hardly even talks to him. She just wants my attention, or leaves to bed early if i start spending time with my son. I love my wife but its hurting me so much she cant be a mom to him.

I do my best to treat the boys same, that has always been my mentality, same treatment same love no difference. But her and him have this world of their own where me and my son are pushed out. We both are good to them and want nothing but to bond as a family. My son all he wants is to play with her son and he doesn't like him and it shows in almost everything. 11 and 14 are their ages. Her son is older. Always demanding moms attention, any little thing she does first for anyone else and he complains about it saying "you dont love me anymore" Things like that. I feel like im hurting my son exposing him to this kind of lifestyle, its been 3 years nothing has changes in that area. Please advice!


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ANSWER
1 year ago
I’m married and I have a daughter and son and although she is my first child and I love her. My son and I have a fierce bond. My husband and I have issues in our marriage but I would never leave him because I don’t want to upset my sons life. Sorry you will always be second and your son third. The thing is they don’t mean to exclude you they just have a love that you won’t understand. Accept it and bond with your own son so he has a strong parent. Her son might look to you as a father figure as he goes through puberty.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I feel I'm in the same position but as we're still new and haven't yet moved in I'm still communicating and working on it. My girls often verbalize that they feel that they are treated differently with all things. I can see it too and it's a huge concern for me.
His children have never had to share, have many more opportunities too and access to two loving parents so there is that too. I trying not to overcompensate because I dont want to spoil my children and I want my chikdren to gently learn resilience and that life doesn't give you the same as everybody else.
But if I can see that it's starting to crush my girls then I will have no hesitation to end the relationship.
Even if we are living together or married then I could never turn my back on what could potentially affect my children badly for life. My parents did and I still feel unlovable, unworthy and its hard to trust people with my emotions.
Please don't do that to your child. It will, quite possibly affect your relationship too.

ANSWER
1 year ago
14 and 11 are difficult ages. I was in a similar situation but roles reversed. I felt like I put so much time and effort into his kids and mine were getting minimal. When i tried to talk to him about it, he shut down or called me ridiculous.

Long story short, I left. I wasn't going to make him choose between me or his kids and neither should I. It is his responsibility to make the effort just as I did but it was too hard.

Sounds like your partner is only interested in the comfort-ability of you and your life, not actually being a solid part of it. Wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't get along with many of your friends and hardly visits your parents even when you go. Is she the kind of woman that complains about "all she does" around they house?

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REPLY
1 year ago
Your right she doesnt like most my friends and feels like non of them are good for our marriage. She is not big on getting along with any of my family, she is cordial and treats them with respect but no real relationship there. i guess i am the same way with he parents too. Just feels like all that matters in her world is the 4 of us and i get that but i am about a healthy blended family. Her ex doesnt even want to meet me up to this date. My ex and her have had differences but she has put it behind her and tries to invite her and her son to things and sends her things showing we can move forward but she hates anything that has to do with them i can see it and feel it.

ANSWER
1 year ago
You honesty sound broken, which speaks volumes. Relationships take time, open communication and lots of work. They can also run their course as we grow older... If one another party isnt pulling their weight, isn't and positively contributing then why they would you stay? It is better to walk away then stay and be m miserable

ANSWER
1 year ago
This is why I never dated a man with an ex in pic

ANSWER
1 year ago
You need to leave her its unhealthy and it wont get better. Your son and yourself will be a lot happier. People dont change.

ANSWER
1 year ago
You're never going to get proper advice here :(

ANSWER
1 year ago
Its hard with step kids, because they aren't equal and will never be treated equally. They have different lives with the other parent. If you don't like they way your child is treated then leave.