Should I be upset with my closest friend?
Answered 3 months ago
It's my 40th next year and I have invited my friends to stay at a holiday house for 3 nights on Hamilton Island. I have paid for these 3 nights and they just have to pay for flights. I'm annoyed my closest friend is staying an extra 5 nights without me as I feel it undermines my Birthday. Am I right to be annoyed and what can I say to her without sounding precious/petty?
Have an answer?
I just feel obligated to say, no I didn't book it to be show offy nor do I expect my friends to fall at my feet. I did it so the rest of my friends could come and celebrate with me. Yep not all of us can afford it and it is a big deal to me. Yep she can do whatever she wants with her money but far as I'm concerned she did it out of intentional spite and it's a dick move on her part. If it was reversed I wouldn't do something as inconsiderate like that to her.
But I get the message- I've overreacted. You don't know anything about me so you can keep the judgemental assumptions to yourself.
Why are you both even friends with each other?
I hate to say it, but with this sort of behaviour, you're lucky you have friends that want to celebrate your birthday. You claim that she makes everything about her. So, kind of like what you're doing?
If it's just her, she's probably after some alone time. If we (DH & I) don't want anyone to join us we don't tell anyone until its too late.
If it's a series of constant issues, I'd reevaluate the relationship. It took a friend group like that to make me realise they wouldn't change & I had to respect myself enough to not put up with it. I now have only a couple of friends, ones that don't shove me aside when a better offer comes along & would never stay on as a group without me.
For the record, sometimes we don't realise the things we do hurt others. Someone being left out is fine for those who are invited, without thinking about those we forget.
Will she be there to celebrate your birthday, YES. What ever else she does is up to her, not you. Get over it!!!
She only told me on the day that she wanted to get back to her kids and only planned to stay one night. Accommodation had been paid.
It was the first time since having my kids I had the offer of being away for two nights and as a single mother it was a huge deal for me.
She was quite obviously pissed I booked a bus to get the 1.5 hours back to my car the following day and hired a bike to ride from beach to beach the day she left. She expected me to leave early with her.
We became distant after that in a few ways. We no longer talk for other reasons but looking back she clearly thought I was selfish for staying.
Your friend is obviously able to stay longer and if possible I think anyone in their right mind would.
I am wondering if it’s only her staying longer ? I would be annoyed if others organised staying longer and didn’t invite me to as well regardless of whose birthday it is.
Thanks for your reply, it helped and I appreciate it.
Maybe this is her making this trip the most fun she's had. And you know what? She's always gong to remember it. And she'll remember it as YOUR kick arse birthday trip!!!
Fk yeh!!! Go you!!! Focus on fun, let the magic happen!!
CHILL and enjoy your 3 days with your mates.