View other questions

Should I be upset with my closest friend?

Answered 26 days ago

It's my 40th next year and I have invited my friends to stay at a holiday house for 3 nights on Hamilton Island. I have paid for these 3 nights and they just have to pay for flights. I'm annoyed my closest friend is staying an extra 5 nights without me as I feel it undermines my Birthday. Am I right to be annoyed and what can I say to her without sounding precious/petty?


Have an answer?

We have held the answer in moderation, and will make it available shortly.
2000 characters left.

Answers

An unexpected error has occurred, please try again shortly.
ANSWER
11 months ago
So first you said you didn’t like that she extended her holiday and THEN you said you don’t mind her extending the holiday but you thinks she should do it in a different hotel. THATS NUTS. If you’re in a hotel, why would you check out and move to one down the road? How would that make you feel any better? If I was invited somewhere and had to pay my own flights, I’d turn it into a longer holiday too. There are so many people in my workplace and it’s hard to get holidays here and there so I’d turn it onto a longer holiday while I had the chance too. You’re going to ruin your own birthday by worrying about this. Let it go.

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
I've obviously not explained myself very well. I have booked my dream holiday house which I have been planning and saving up for ages. She knows how badly I've wanted to stay here and on a whim because she can, she goes and books an extra 5 nights for herself. I'd kill to stay extra nights but she never asked me. So yes 3 nights is wonderful for my birthday but nothing like 8 nights in my dream holiday home. Yes she's going to have fun and the beauty is I get to hear all about it for my Birthday.

REPLY
11 months ago
Uninvit her

REPLY
11 months ago
It’s not her fault that she just can stay an extra 5 nights. She’s making the most of it. For those 3 days it’s about you, you decide where to eat what to do etc. in sorry but it sounds like your Jealous because she can afford to stay longer. I think the problem is that you expect her to then invite you to stay extra days while she pays for it. You should have just asked them to chip in for the house if it was going to be such a big deal. It was YOUR decision to pay for your friends for 3 days. They are not obliged to return the favour

REPLY
11 months ago
Just because you’ve always wanted to stay there doesn’t give you the right to tell her that she can’t stay longer. Yeah it might be on a whim but if someone asked me to go away for their birthday and I could stay longer and make the most of it I definitely would. It’s money and I can spend it how I like and where I like. How many times have I been shopping with friends and one of us has purchased something and then the other has too because we like it as well. You really sound like u resent the fact that she can afford to stay longer. If she talks about the trip say “ isn’t it great that we could go away for my bday” and I’m sorry but after a few days no one will want to hear about your birthday anymore.

REPLY
11 months ago
It isn’t your house though. It’s accomodation available for rent so why shouldn’t she take advantage and extend the trip? You just sound jealous. and petty.

REPLY
11 months ago
Ok I get it now. You’re jealous because she can afford something you can’t. You wanted to be show offy and book this place and expect everyone to bow at your feet but this girl extending her stay has made your offer not look so special. So your offer of a holidsy stay was to make yourself look good and had nothing to do with you being nice to your friends and wanting to spend time with them. Poor diddums.

REPLY
11 months ago
Well that's one way to look at it. Obviously you're going to paint me in a bad light no matter what I say.
I just feel obligated to say, no I didn't book it to be show offy nor do I expect my friends to fall at my feet. I did it so the rest of my friends could come and celebrate with me. Yep not all of us can afford it and it is a big deal to me. Yep she can do whatever she wants with her money but far as I'm concerned she did it out of intentional spite and it's a dick move on her part. If it was reversed I wouldn't do something as inconsiderate like that to her.
But I get the message- I've overreacted. You don't know anything about me so you can keep the judgemental assumptions to yourself.

REPLY
11 months ago
^ but you asked for our opinions? So because you didn’t get the response you wanted, we can all keep our judgements to ourselves? Ok.

REPLY
11 months ago
Can I just ask how do u know it’s was out of intentional spite?

REPLY
11 months ago
Past history and ongoing behaviour. We all have our limits that's why I asked the question.

REPLY
11 months ago
^ and she’s your closest friend? Why?

REPLY
11 months ago
Reply to a few up . Just because it’s ops birthday doesn’t mean she can dictate where everyone eats for 3 days or even what they do. Yes she should chose where to eat on her birthday but she should also be mindful of others budgets and maybe tell the other girls if the plan for the birthday dinner is a 5 star expensive restaurant.

REPLY
11 months ago
Someone else here. What is your deal? It's like she's personally offended you. Attack after attack after attack. Go have a panadol & lie down. I haven't seen this level of viciousness of here for awhile. Did she somehow tap into your childhood issues of something?

REPLY
10 months ago
No one is attacking her. We just don’t all agree with her and she has come on her asking for opinions and we have provided them

REPLY
10 months ago
Yes by calling her multitude of things. There is a way to get your point across with kindness.

REPLY
10 months ago
Kindness doesn’t work with some people. Most responders are telling her she’s wrong and she’s still trying to defend her actions. She’s the type of person people need to be honest and blunt with.

REPLY
10 months ago
I disagree

REPLY
10 months ago
Technically I haven't done anything, I've just asked the question. I even admitted I've over reacted and was trying to give context so people could understand why I would overreact. I was taking on board what was said and even thought the 2nd reply suggestion was helpful. It's just the 3rd reply that I felt attacked. To act like you know me when you don't have any idea. I've open myself up to enough criticism on here I don't need people to make up shit about me. So yeah I'm fine with direct and honest but you're being deliberately cruel. Did you want to come with? Is that the problem, it's a pretty awesome beach house.

REPLY
10 days ago
You are 40. Time to grow up. I suggest worrying about you and your family only. You can’t control your friends. You should be happy for her that she can stay longer

ANSWER
26 days ago
Ha ha your just annoyed you didn't think of it first

ANSWER
1 month ago
Don’t be jelly she can afford an extra 2 nights

ANSWER
10 months ago
I'm really confused by the friendship in general.
Why are you both even friends with each other?

ANSWER
10 months ago
you should of invited her, but not paid. then the 3 nights you paid for her, could be your extra nights

ANSWER
10 months ago
Can you not extend your stay as well? Or are you annoyed that your friend gets to have a holiday?

I hate to say it, but with this sort of behaviour, you're lucky you have friends that want to celebrate your birthday. You claim that she makes everything about her. So, kind of like what you're doing?

ANSWER
11 months ago
There must be more to it for you to get upset over that? Or your just jealous. You chose 3 nights accept it.

Replies

REPLY
10 months ago
The more is that the OP is pissed that the friend hasn't invited her to stay for the extra 5 days.

REPLY
10 months ago
Bang on the money if the friend did Invite her I’m sure she would stay and be fine with it

ANSWER
11 months ago
Are you 4 or 14 ?

ANSWER
11 months ago
Yes

ANSWER
11 months ago
If it bothers you just say you aren't going any more.

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
Maybe OP's friends will read this thread and decide not to go...they would probably be upset and hurt to be accused of gaslighting etc!!!

ANSWER
11 months ago
If it’s a house and you pay for the entire house maybe thank her graciously for paying an extra 5 nights and ask her when her return flight is so You can book the same flight home!

ANSWER
11 months ago
I saw 'she' and 'them' in your posts. If it's more than one friend staying on together without inviting you, I don't blame you for being upset, regardless of accommodation choice. Similar things have happened to me & it feels like you're not wanted, like the outsider to be put up with & it's soul destroying.

If it's just her, she's probably after some alone time. If we (DH & I) don't want anyone to join us we don't tell anyone until its too late.

If it's a series of constant issues, I'd reevaluate the relationship. It took a friend group like that to make me realise they wouldn't change & I had to respect myself enough to not put up with it. I now have only a couple of friends, ones that don't shove me aside when a better offer comes along & would never stay on as a group without me.

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
Off topic: I had a friend who was convinced we (our friend group) were deliberately leaving her out of things. We weren't but we couldn't convince her of this & the friendship ended in blaze of drama. Which was really sad, I still think about her sometimes.... I hope you weren't mistaken.

REPLY
11 months ago
Trust me, I wasn't wrong. It was always like that. I was constantly dumped for better offers or left out. Sometimes fun made of me in front of others. Once left out of a party boat cruise one had won 'because I didn't drink enough' to get their (free) money's worth. I wish I was just being oversensitive!!

For the record, sometimes we don't realise the things we do hurt others. Someone being left out is fine for those who are invited, without thinking about those we forget.

REPLY
11 months ago
Those party boats always sucked and had the cheapest nastiest alcohol, I don't blame you. Yeah I actually considered she'd started smoking pot because she became so convinced there was some imaginary conspiracy against her. What's meant to be is meant to be I guess. No room in my life for other people's dramatics now. Nice chat ✌

ANSWER
11 months ago
She is paying for her flights, not you. She organised her flights, not you. She is entitled to extend her holiday & not feel guilty about it!!!
Will she be there to celebrate your birthday, YES. What ever else she does is up to her, not you. Get over it!!!

ANSWER
11 months ago
After all these replies honest op why do you actually consider her your closest friend? And if she’s your closest friend are your other friends worse than her?

ANSWER
11 months ago
Every time we go to a destination wedding you can bet your ass we turn it into a full blown holiday, never have anyone offended by this yet lol.. but also, I don't hang out with narcissists soooo 😂

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
It’s always suggested for destination weddings to somewhere nice that guests make the most of it and book longer, I was given a list of surrounding accommodation so if the wedding venue was booked up or too expensive after there was choice

ANSWER
11 months ago
I really don’t understand why your upset. Ive extended a stay more than once and know so many people who have also done this. I think you’re reading too much into it. You sound insecure. Take a deep breath, it’s ok.

ANSWER
11 months ago
I had this in reverse. I went to a seaside town with a life long friend for 2 nights. We both drove half way there and she drove us both an extra 1.5 hours.
She only told me on the day that she wanted to get back to her kids and only planned to stay one night. Accommodation had been paid.
It was the first time since having my kids I had the offer of being away for two nights and as a single mother it was a huge deal for me.
She was quite obviously pissed I booked a bus to get the 1.5 hours back to my car the following day and hired a bike to ride from beach to beach the day she left. She expected me to leave early with her.
We became distant after that in a few ways. We no longer talk for other reasons but looking back she clearly thought I was selfish for staying.

Your friend is obviously able to stay longer and if possible I think anyone in their right mind would.

I am wondering if it’s only her staying longer ? I would be annoyed if others organised staying longer and didn’t invite me to as well regardless of whose birthday it is.

ANSWER
11 months ago
What did I just read 🙈 Do stuff like this really matter past teenage/early 20s years 🙄

ANSWER
11 months ago
Is it your 40th or your 4th?

ANSWER
11 months ago
Don’t say anything- you’re being a spoilt brat. She is probably thinking (very reasonably in my opinion) that she already has to travel, take time off, pay for flights, so might as well make the most of it and turn it into a holiday. She is doing what you ask, what she does after is no business of yours.....

ANSWER
11 months ago
Flights cost too much just for three days. I’d extend my holiday too if it was me. Get over yourself.

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
I don't have an issue with them extending their stays. It's the staying in the same place after. Just seems like a slap in the face to me and she has a habit of making it about her.

REPLY
11 months ago
What does it matter where she stays after? How does it diminish your 3 day birthday?

REPLY
11 months ago
Then why invite her if she makes everything about herself?

REPLY
11 months ago
Hahahaha so now it’s ok that they stay longer but you expect them to change hotels. Do you even realise how ridiculous that sound. Why would they check out to check back in somewhere else when they are already there and unpacked

REPLY
11 months ago
You’re being ridiculous. You don’t own the hotel. You don’t own her. You’re a big sook.

ANSWER
11 months ago
We are stuck here in Victoria we can’t even go more than 5km from our home and are under a 8pm curfew. Who knows when we will be allowed interstate let alone overseas and your upset because your closest friend wants to make the most of already being away.

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
😆 way to make it about you Vicki

REPLY
11 months ago
Not making it about myself just trying to give her some perspective.

ANSWER
11 months ago
Maybe since she already is taking time off work/life for you she thinks she might as well turn it in to a full holiday while she can, I think it's a ridiculous and petty thing to be upset over.

ANSWER
11 months ago
From everything you have written it seems like there is a bit of heavy resentment here & probably alot more back story. After this is all over you might to revalue your friendships and work out if all this drama is necessary in your life. I parted ways with a group of girls in my early 30s where something like this would have happened it was the most healthy decision I ever made. Some people aren't meant to be in your life forever. Don't listen to the bullies telling you that you're mad. There's a certain kind of people who make fun of people they don't understand. You have a right to feel your feelings but I would recommend keeping a lid on these ones there's no way to address without coming off as crazy. I hope all of this has calmed down by the time your birthday rocks around. Make the most of the holiday. Good luck 💜

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
You're right, there is a lot of history and gas lighting on her part to make me look and sound crazy but sometimes we need to hear the harshest truth even if it's from strangers on the internet.
Thanks for your reply, it helped and I appreciate it.

ANSWER
11 months ago
😂😂😂😂 op your not going to get the answer you want on here. Honestly if I was your friend and found out you were on this site complaining about me I wouldn’t even bother going

ANSWER
11 months ago
😂😂 you can’t tell her what she can or can’t do or where she can go. Be grateful she’s paying for the flights to attend your birthday. With an attitude like that maybe she needs an extra 5 days to recover from you hahahahaha a birthday is a birthday your not the queen you don’t get your own public holiday. 😂😂 thanks for giving me a good laugh today

Replies

REPLY
11 months ago
Be grateful I'm paying for 3 of her 8 nights because that's what it feels like. Just once I'd like to feel like a queen on my birthday, instead I'll be along for the ride on her holiday.

REPLY
11 months ago
If she makes you feel that way, why are you taking her in the first place? Still don’t see how her staying an extra 5 days take away from your birthday. You sound very insecure..

REPLY
11 months ago
😂op u keep making me laugh. First of all that was ur choice to pay for accommodation for 3 nights for your guests. It does not mean u get to dictate u must leave on this day. It is then her decision to say hey I’ll make a longer holiday of it and stay extra. She didn’t say oh can u pay 3 of my 8 days she is choosing to stay longer and she is paying for it. The 3 days u are all together are about your birthday but the other 5 days are hers to do what she likes and you won’t even be there so why does that bother you. She’s paying for her flights and she’s paying for HER days of HER holiday. You really do sound sour and bitter now.

ANSWER
11 months ago
I understand why you're annoyed. But you haven't paid her fares.
Maybe this is her making this trip the most fun she's had. And you know what? She's always gong to remember it. And she'll remember it as YOUR kick arse birthday trip!!!
Fk yeh!!! Go you!!! Focus on fun, let the magic happen!!

ANSWER
11 months ago
You sound a lil coo coo. She's there for your BIRTHDAY!

CHILL and enjoy your 3 days with your mates.

ANSWER
11 months ago
Hmm there's nothing you can say without sounding crazy.

ANSWER
11 months ago
Don’t be upset. She’ll be there for your birthday, won’t she?

ANSWER
11 months ago
Lol no you shouldn't be upset. It's the perfect opportunity for a holiday as long as they're spending your birthday bit with you who cares

ANSWER
11 months ago
No you’re not right, not at all. Is she going to celebrate your birthday with you or not? What she does before or after that is up to her. She doesn’t need your permission to have a holiday. There is nothing you can say without sounding precious and petty because you are. Get over yourself!