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Need help Not sure what to do

On fri I am due to fly out to my best friends wedding and yesterday found out my Nan’s funeral is sat
My grandpa said you go to the wedding cause you have spend $5,000 and he said he didn’t make the decision when the funeral is
Some of my family think my nan is more important than money or my best friends wedding
I am feeling depressed
Please help me


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Answers (17)

Im so sorry for your loss. Go to the wedding, it's a celebration of love and life, your nan is gone and won't know who is at her funeral. Perhaps take your grandfather somewhere you all loved going to and remember your nan together. Xxxxxxx

 That’s a good idea
I will talk to grandpa on wed

helpful (0) 

I truly know how you feel. My grandmother passed the night before we were due to leave on a big trip earlier this year.

A few days before she passed she told me quite firmly to go enjoy the holiday with my precious children if something happened to her (we didn't expect it, though). She would have been very upset if we'd cancelled to attend her funeral.

My family knew her wishes & told us to go.

Regardless, one family member still tried to pressure me to come back just for the funeral. They had no idea of our other reasons for going, but it was still upsetting.

My advice is to listen to your grandpa. If he genuinely wants you to go, then go. Spend time with him before you go & after you come back. That's the support & love he needs more than you occupying a seat at a service.

Not attending the funeral doesn't reflect how much you loved your nan.

To put it bluntly, your Nan won't notice you missing her funeral. If your grandpa has given you his blessing to go, then go. Ask if the funeral will be recorded, then you can watch it later. Or ask for a copy of any speeches. Maybe provide something to be read out? Visit your grandpa when you are back and do something a bit special. Tell him your favourite stories about your Nan. Make a photo book for him.

You poor thing, I’m sorry for your loss and that you are in this situation. I think you should go to your best friend’s wedding, it sounds as though your grandfather is fine with you going and I’m sure your grandmother would want you to go. X

I couldn't go to my Nans funeral because I had given birth the week before. I was gutted but she didn't want me to go anyway. She thought it was too far to waste money on a funeral. I wrote a speech that a friend attending read out and I planted a tree with family members to honor her memory. I agree with a previous poster that funerals are really for the living and remembering her in someway should be fine.

Go to the wedding. Could you maybe attend the funeral through phone or video? So you can hear the service.
I'm English but have been in Australia for 17 years. When my grandparents pass they have asked I don't attend but suggested this option. Very tech savvy.

I am extremely close to my grandma. I know she would probably tell me off for not going to my best friends wedding. I don’t think my dad would be too impressed if I missed the funeral, mainly because of the gossip that would go on. although if my grandpa was still alive and told me to go to the wedding I believe my dad would agree with his wishes. Also if my grandpa was still alive he would probably make sure everyone knew he told me to go to the wedding.
Plus no doubt anyone your grandpas age would be horrified at the thought of loosing 5k by not going.

I lot of funeral places can broadcast the event on the web, ask for this?

F**k that's tough. How to enjoy your best friends wedding know your missing your nans funeral? Were you close?

 We were close
helpful (0) 

My sister in law was annoyed her cousins baby had funeral on wedding day
Sometimes you can’t pick a date cause the funeral parlour might be booked

Are there viewings you could make before you flights? Could you change your travel plans and still make the wedding?

My advice is to go..... but from someone that was away while nan passed away and funeral was; I didn’t go home for it and feel like I never had closure.
I still dream of her to this day and I wonder if it’s because I never had that closure. I’m not telling you to miss your friends wedding; if I were you I’d probably go) but if you think you need the closure then stay.

This is my opinion on funerals...... they aren’t about the deceased. They are gone. It can’t be changed. It’ about those left behind and a way to say goodbye. It’s closure for the beloved of the departed. I don’t think you necessarily need a funeral to say goodbye. You can say goodbye in other ways.

Also, it’s odd that your grandfather said he had no say in the day if the funeral. Did he not organise it?

Anyway, I’m sorry for your loss. Go enjoy your friend’s wedding. I’m sure your grandmother would prefer you to celebrate love than mourn death.

 Sometimes other family members come in & organise it
helpful (0) 
 Yes but surely they would check with close family if the day suits. They would have known OP was going to wedding. It’s odd either way.
helpful (1) 
 He didn’t organise it
helpful (0) 
 I agree it’s for closure for the living. Arranging something separate with your grandad as another person here suggested is a wonderful and more intimate way of saying goodbye. Your nan will understand. Also, it will be nice for your grandad it will be a lonely road ahead for him.
helpful (0) 

I had this option and forever regret not attending the funeral.

Could you attend the funeral and get a later flight? Even if it means you miss the wedding would you make it for part of the reception?
Or be able to spend part of the next day with them? Would this be doable? Is it overseas?

 It’s OS
helpful (0)